Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
I used to love listening to music for years. It was the backdrop of my life for most of my life. I would listen to songs while I worked, played, exercised, drove or just while lying around. I liked music that went with my emotions—sadness, anger, fear—even happiness.( I especially liked it for anger.Never could understand why I had this weird uncharacteristic penchant for heavy metal sometimes?!)
Then, for some reason I stopped listening. Part of the reason was I had become a workaholic. I had no musing time. No time for dreamy contemplation. I was all no-nonsense. Coincidentally, around that time, my TMS kicked in.
In efforts to self-soothe more recently, (and as advised by Claire Weekes, the anxiety doctor), I again started listening to music. At first it felt alien and decadent. I struggled to find something I liked. I felt too restless and anxious to listen. It was forced. Then I calmed down. I found some music that moved me and I started listening to it more and more. That was about a month ago. Now I wake up in the morning and first thing turn on music. My outlook has changed a lot! I’m feeling better.
Today I found this interesting passage while reading Defying the Verdict, by Tamara Gurin (@TG957 ). She has an amazing recovery journey she shares. She’s also a big influence on this forum. (Thanks, Tamara!)
She says:
“Something that I noticed as a sign of frozen emotions was my response to music. Devoid of any abilities to make music, I enjoy listening very much. Or, to be precise, I enjoyed listening to music very much until my emotions froze completely a couple of years before CRPS hit. Slowly, I migrated from enjoying music to crossing out items on my cultural to-do list. I would listen to the music and imagine how I should be feeling at this time. I could not understand why music was not as emotionally intense or rewarding to me anymore – until I realized that I had emptied out my emotional reserves.”
Thoughts, anyone? Have you noticed the same?
Then, for some reason I stopped listening. Part of the reason was I had become a workaholic. I had no musing time. No time for dreamy contemplation. I was all no-nonsense. Coincidentally, around that time, my TMS kicked in.
In efforts to self-soothe more recently, (and as advised by Claire Weekes, the anxiety doctor), I again started listening to music. At first it felt alien and decadent. I struggled to find something I liked. I felt too restless and anxious to listen. It was forced. Then I calmed down. I found some music that moved me and I started listening to it more and more. That was about a month ago. Now I wake up in the morning and first thing turn on music. My outlook has changed a lot! I’m feeling better.
Today I found this interesting passage while reading Defying the Verdict, by Tamara Gurin (@TG957 ). She has an amazing recovery journey she shares. She’s also a big influence on this forum. (Thanks, Tamara!)
She says:
“Something that I noticed as a sign of frozen emotions was my response to music. Devoid of any abilities to make music, I enjoy listening very much. Or, to be precise, I enjoyed listening to music very much until my emotions froze completely a couple of years before CRPS hit. Slowly, I migrated from enjoying music to crossing out items on my cultural to-do list. I would listen to the music and imagine how I should be feeling at this time. I could not understand why music was not as emotionally intense or rewarding to me anymore – until I realized that I had emptied out my emotional reserves.”
Thoughts, anyone? Have you noticed the same?
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It’s not pointless. It’s part of the cure.
