Thanks. All I’m doing is saying “oh, I’m doing great” and literally my legs would start burning and tingling. It’s ridiculous. I know it proves I have TMS but it sucks I can’t even be happy about my progress.
) The ridiculousness and insistence of it is so laughable at times, that I do just have to laugh.
Awesome! I assume you’re having progress with TMS?It is ridiculous! (I know from experience
Maybe that can help you too?
To laugh... Like, really, really? You're going to show up like this - okay, that's so ridiculous and hilarious. Now, back to living/enjoying life.
All throughout my childhood, there was the consistent message, underlying all and spoken often as well, that we shouldn't be having fun or enjoying ourselves. Holidays always evolved into miserable days, because we would start out having fun, but that was unacceptable and things would get increasingly more painful if we didn't stop enjoying the day, so we learned to quickly back it up if we ever felt "too" happy about anything. I also have the feeling now if I start to enjoy life that it isn't fair that others don't get to enjoy it... sigh. Always needing to remind myself that my happiness doesn't take away from theirs, in fact, it adds to it. I was much more available to help support a friend this morning, because I wasn't immersed in the depths of the focus on my own suffering.
Soooo, I am learning it is my personal act of rebellion to be happy anyway... to enjoy life even with overwhelming symptoms, even if not "acceptable." It is my act of service. My expression of love.
I deserve to experience happiness. You deserve to experience happiness. We all do.
Yes, definitely, all of this has been so helpful and every day I feel like I have a bit of a new insight and curiosity about some aspect of all of this.
I’m sad you weren’t allowed to be happy as a kid. I was like you and felt I was happy sometimes in spite of my surroundings. You seem like such a genuinely joyous soul. I’m so glad you’re letting your inner child come out. She really does make the world a better place. And the forum, too!
It seems like if I ever report progress on the forum, almost immediately that progress evaporates. It’s like a jinx or something!
The important thing is that you saw and felt an improvement which is evidence that the symptoms are mind/body and that if it happened once it can and will happen again if you keep on doing what you're doing.
It seems like if I ever report progress on the forum, almost immediately that progress evaporates. It’s like a jinx or something!
Flare I was thinking about this again this morning and realised that when that has happened (and still happens) to me I take the view that it's either my lizard brain hanging on for dear life still seeing and looking for danger and being fearful, it's grip having momentarily slipped for a while from producing symptoms, and/or it's the new neural pathways that I have been creating by doing 'the work' not quite being substantially formed enough to dominate yet and take over from the old neural pathways.
Thanks so much, @Diana-M! Wish I could provide some sort of comfort for all those "inner children" out there in all of us who had to get through so much.
) 
I love this!"I got you. I got you." - Now to convey that to myself.
I know what you mean...I was just watching a Sam Miller video about flares and she suggests that after a success there is often a flare so that the body can process something and reintegrate. She says it is a good thing, although painful. I think she's right but it is horrible anyways, ha!It seems like if I ever report progress on the forum, almost immediately that progress evaporates. It’s like a jinx or something!
