Sweetheart, having been away for a while I didn't know that your partner had suffered a stroke. Part of the reason for my absence is that my Mum had two T.I.A's (mini strokes) last year and is still not 100%. On top of the regular care of my partner and other madness, life has been challenging and so from a place of great empathy I send you my very, very best wishes and assurance that if you take care of yourself, you will be ok. As you mention it's often at the times when we need these practices the most that they fall away. I have come to see how essential they are and how when we can, we must embrace them, even if it is half-arsed and seemingly pointless. It all adds up and serves to replenish us.
I'm coming out of an insanely stressful period and have made myself a pledge that I will swim at least twice a week. I have had times when I have sat in the jacuzzi and wept, simply yielding the pain and misery to the water. Last week in the pool I saw a friend I'd not seen for a year. He asked me what fun I'd been up to. I lacked the spirit to fake it and he just took my hand and proceeded to tell me silly stories till I was laughing and happy. A small and lovely gesture. These are the feelings and moments to anchor to, beads to loop on our touchstone necklace held deep in the heart. Stories have long been considered healing balms. Sometimes I listen to childhood stories at night and if sleep eludes me, the gentle innocence is always there, waiting to be remembered once more.
These times will pass.
Plum x