Hello! So if you've read my posts lately, you know that I'm struggling with a TMS relapse after three months of being TMS-free. I feel that I've determined how TMS wormed its way in this time, and at this point the pain is just sticking around due to conditioning and fear/focus. I've been working on not working too hard. Something that is obviously very hard for a TMS personality! Lol! I had been putting a lot of pressure on myself to "get better" due to an out of town wedding weekend coming up that I've been looking forward to. I didn't want TMS to "ruin" my good time. I've recently made a fairly deep realization that I have a big inner bulky and he's (yes, I feel my bully is a male, despite the fact that I'm a woman) a real jerk. Realizing I had this nasty inner bully has made me really think about how to stand up to him. The past couple days, I've just been focusing on calmly proving him wrong. All the fears about, "I know I can't hurt myself with TMS...but it still feels like I could really pull a muscle because they feel so tight and painful..." have gone out the door. I'm back to working out hard and challenging my range of motion in my right leg/glute. I've been feeling emotionally stronger during the day, and therefore less pain. I've also told myself that I WILL feel better soon, even if it's not in time for the wedding, and I WILL NOT let that affect my time on the trip. So anyway, one of my biggest challenges during this relapse has been waking up in pain. For the first few weeks I tossed and turned and tried to suffer through it. I usually wake up between 3 and 4 a.m. in pain. I've tried listening to guided meditations, focusing on my breathing, and trying to find the most comfortable position until I eventually fall asleep again. However, I have been left feeling frustrated and demoralized in the morning. I was inspired by Steve O's story of sitting in a chair until his pain eventually subsided and I thought I needed to do that while laying in bed. However, I just couldn't lay there with the burning, aching and throbbing in my glute. I just kept squirming. The past two days, I've been getting out of bed, heading down to my comfy recliner couch with Steve O's book, and reading. Yesterday I stayed up, and this morning I drifted off to sleep for an hour. So my question is, is it "giving in" to the pain by getting out of bed and reading? Do I need to try to tough it out? Or am I actually sending the signal to my brain, saying, "Hey you big jerk, I'm not going to lay here suffering and tossing and turning. I'm going to get out of bed and break your cycle."