Anger

Hello everyone. I am about 6 weeks into my TMS recovery. In this time, my pain has been better and I have been reading the Good Dr. and journaling. I had a pretty rough childhood and also journal about this. The last few days, I have been really angry easily and very irritated. Is this a normal process of TMS? I just hate to live with this. As a side note, my mother who I have not seen for some time (absent alcoholic while I was a child) is coming by today for the holiday. I really have no desire to see her. Thank you to all, it has just been rough the last few days.

joseph

 

No wonder you're feeling angry and irritated, knowing your mother is coming to see you.
Try to put yourself in her shoes to understand what may have made her an alcoholic when you were young.
She probably turned to drink because of her TMS repressed emotions.

When you see her, try giving her a big hug, and mean it. Transfer feelings of love to her.
She probably needs and wants it very much.

Good luck and I hope you will post about how it went.

 

Thanks Walt. It went pretty good. I am working on forgiving her as I know this is needed for my health. My pain seemed to get better once she left. My body is healthy and the pain is due to my emotions. Think emotional and not physical.

 

Hi Joseph,

As Walt mentioned, your anger could very well be tied to the imminent visit of your mother, someone with whom you have very negative associations. While I think forgiveness can be healthy, I also think it is important for you to honor and experience the feelings of anger and resentment that you may have towards her for contributing to what you termed a "pretty rough childhood". Now I'm not suggesting that when your mother arrives you should yell and scream at her. But I think that it is important for you to let some of theses feelings through, feelings that perhaps you have not given yourself permission to feel until recently. Where has the anger you have been experiencing been directed? What has triggered it? Have you felt anger and rage before when thinking about what you were forced to cope with as a child? By feeling obligation to suppress and contain your emotions you may be tapping in to previous patterns that have you downplaying and ignoring your needs in order to "keep the peace". As these patterns can be associated with periods of suffering and anger, they can bring these emotions to the surface.

It may be beneficial for you to take some quiet time to yourself before your mother arrives and allow yourself to feel, experience, process and move through the anger you are feeling. Reflect on your triggers and look at the things you are journaling about and perhaps you can understand where this anger is coming from. As you understand it, legitimize and honor it, you will find it easier to move to a place of peace with your mother's presence, as she no longer has the power to diminish you or make you suffer.

 

Joseph, it sounds like you handled your mother's visit well. It's understandable that you felt some relief from pain
after she left. That was a stressful situation for you both. You've laid the groundwork for some reconciliation.

Alex has some good advice about thinking about the causes of your anger involving your mother before you see her next time. It could help you put things into a more comfortable perspective. Perhaps thinking about what caused her
to cause you pain.

You're getting there. Keep working on it.

 

Thank you for your response. I told her I was talking with a therapist about some stuff of my childhood and left it at that. I also journal freely about her and my anger towards her. I am really hurting today though with a lot of anxiety. This is hard.

 

No wonder you have anxiety today and hurting,
but congratulate yourself about facing the situation with your mother.
Thinking about your childhood and journaling about it is great toward getting over it all.
Just don't spend a lot of time on it. Dr. Sarno says we can overdo the search for TMS healing.
Steve Ozanich agrees. We need to take time off during the day and evening and do things
we enjoy.

If you enjoy shoveling snow, come visit me. I'm in a Chicago suburb and we've had nothing
but snow for the past three days and more today, plus heavy wind blowing it into drifts.
Tonight we may get down to 17 below zero, and again Monday night same temp.

I can provide snow blower, shovel, warm coat, cap, gloves, and either hot coffee, tea, or
margaritas.

haha

Where are you?

 

Joseph, what is the anxiety centered on? Is it related to the pain or the journaling?

 

Alex, my pain increased around a visit from my mom. I then also did some work about this in my journal. My anxiety seems to be tied to my pain and concerned that it increased. I discovered TMS 6 weeks ago and was improving since then. The last few day though, the pain and anxiety have increased something awful. Sometimes I notice the pain more and then sometimes I notice the anxiety more. It is awful. I appreciate your response, I am really looking for some support. Thank you

 

Joesph you've hit upon one of the most brutal dynamics faced by those who are working through TMS: You're anxious because of the pain and you're in pain because you're anxious. So many of my clients get discouraged by this interplay and begin to lose hope. There is the confusion that comes along with feeling that you know the source of the pain, but yet are still experiencing it. After all, once you know what's happening, shouldn't the pain stop? Although simply becoming aware of TMS and it's modalities is often enough to give some sufferers relief (as it seems you were experiencing) there is often deeper work that can help further the process. What you seem to be describing is the trap that can arise when you begin to pressure yourself to simply "get better" and begin to lose hope when you don't see the results you demand. You begin to pay more and more attention to the pain. You feel anxiety as you focus on it, obsessing over its every little shift and twinge. At this point the pain is accomplishing its goal: it has your complete and utter attention and you are distracted from anything else.

Don't give up! There is most definitely hope. I would urge you to take a look at TMS Recovery Program by Alan Gordon (who trained me). He discusses a multitude of techniques and concepts that deal exactly with what you are going through. Specifically, the sections and associated articles in Part I on Reframing The Meaning of the Pain and Working Towards Outcome Independence may be particularly useful to you at this time.

Try keep positive, I know it is daunting. You have already taken the most difficult step by choosing to help yourself get better and proactively working towards that goal. There is a supportive community here that will offer it's knowledge to you. There are books that can offer insight, and there are therapists who will work with you if you feel you need them. You are not alone.

 

Joseph - like we have discussed before....you and I are so similiar in our TMS. Alex is right, we are caught in a trap. We fear the pain and are anxious when will it come back and when it does we over analyze and become anxious from the pain wondering when will the cycle end.

What is helping me is changing the way I react and view the pain. Dr.s have proven to me via tests and an MRI that nothing is wrong with my head. But...TMS is making me question then why won't my tension headaches and sore eyes go away? Maybe I have perm damaged the nerves in my eyes!!

No.... I am now refusing to think that way. when I feel the pain bad I stop and say ahh its just my tension headache becuase i have been so stressed and leave it at that. In my heart I know that one day when I can get relaxed it will all melt away just like my leg pains did before.

 

I agree with this. I am convinced that this is TMS and have been thinking that way during my journey. I think my problem is that this weekend the TMS became more "involved" and increase in pain. I think the anxiety was from this and then I am in a cycle. It can be a challenge, because I was on the right path to healing the last month and probably anxious about the new pain. I must tell myself to relax and be gentle, as this to should pass. I need to acknowledge, but not spend so much attention to it.

 

Does anyone think that because we hear that TMS can get worse before it gets better or move around that the mind uses that knowledge to allow it to shift in some when if they had no knowledge that was a TMs possibility it would end after the first location/initial period?

I question that because my pain locations seem to follow the locations I hear about pain being possible when I am in a health anxiety scare.

 

Joseph and Pingman, you're getting great TMS advice from AlexPPC. I also think you both would benefit
from watching the Dr. Sarno video on his book, The Mindbody Connection. Here's the link to it: