A victory today

Diana-M

Diana-M

Beloved Grand Eagle
A great surprise happened for me today!

One of my worst triggers is when I spend time with my adult kids. Today was Mother’s Day and 2 of my kids and one daughter-in-law came over.

Another of my triggers is walking (in my walker, or otherwise) in front of people. I lock up and get almost like sleep paralysis.

So, right before my kids came to my house, I was walking across the living room and I was locking up as usual, in anticipation of their visit. And honestly, I one hundred percent didn’t care. Not fake like I didn’t care. I mean I just didn’t care. I had a great time with the kids. I wasn’t nervous. I walked slow and all the rest. But it had zero impact on my day. I had a great day.

I know this is a huge victory. And I am grateful to this forum for learning how important that is and for learning how to do it.

I will also note that last night I journaled more than an hour and wrote letters I wasn’t going to send to my husband and the kids who came over. It was ugly. I said heinous things. I tore it all up and threw it away.

When my kids came I felt nothing but love for them.

This is a weird ride. But hey—it’s working. At least I feel really good. My existence is good. That’s all you can ask for.
 
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Diana-M said:
A great surprise happened for me today!

One of my worst triggers is when I spend time with my adult kids. Today was Mother’s Day and 2 of my kids and one daughter-in-law came over.

Another of my triggers is walking (in my walker, or otherwise) in front of people. I lock up and get almost like sleep paralysis.

So, right before my kids came to my house, I was walking across the living room and I was locking up as usual, in anticipation of their visit. And honestly, I one hundred percent didn’t care. Not fake like I didn’t care. I mean I just didn’t care. I had a great time with the kids. I wasn’t nervous. I walked slow and all the rest. But it had zero impact on my day. I had a great day.

I know this is a huge victory. And I am grateful to this forum for learning how important that is and for learning how to do it.

I will also note that last night I journaled more than an hour and wrote letters I wasn’t going to send to my husband and the kids who came over. It was ugly. I said heinous things. I tore it all up and threw it away.

When my kids came I felt nothing but love for them.

This is a weird ride. But hey—it’s working. At least I feel really good. My existence is good. That’s all you can ask for.
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Congratulations and WELL DONE!!!
Isn't it amazing how writing heinous things to those that we love can help us feel so good afterwards? Very weird for sure!
Maybe it's our animal nature. We put on this polished veneer to interact in human society but inside we've got that need to attack.
Who knows. But that is so great that you enjoyed the day. I'm very happy for you. Happy Mother's Day to you!
 
Booble said:
Congratulations and WELL DONE!!!
Isn't it amazing how writing heinous things to those that we love can help us feel so good afterwards?
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Thank you! Haha! Yes, it really is strange. I just kept saying, “it’s ok. Just write whatever your 5 year old self would say.” So I did.

Cactusflower said:
Yay! I too conquered a fear - of large crowds, and had the best time!
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Yay, @Cactusflower! Did you conquer the crowd yesterday, or in general? How did you do it?
 
@Diana-M
I really just told myself it’s just thoughts. There was probably some anxiety, but we were going to a stadium concert, I see live music regularly in very small spaces so not used to a stadium (I don’t go to sporting events). I was far too busy anticipating seeing some musical hero's, looking forward to a new adventure, and once inside enjoying the people celebrating cultural unity with positive abandon I’ve not witnessed before. Too busy having fun and soaking it all in.. and I sat for 5 hrs!
 
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