A New TMSer

Hi,
I'm Lee, 36, a secondary school teacher of 9ish years from Barry near Cardiff in South Wales, UK. Only recently discovered the condition known as TMS, bought the Dr. Sarno book 'Healing back pain' about 3 weeks ago. Have it as an audio book, I'm on my 2nd listen now.

I've had lower back pain for around 15 years, I remember as a young man out drinking with friends I would feel the need to extend my back by bending forward or crouching. Didn't think anything of it at the time the symptoms have gradually become worse and spread over the years. I have suffered with lower back pain, glute pain, shoulder pain, groin pain, calf pain and neck pain mainly my left side, also get tension headaches. I do seem to have pain throughout my torso particularly in my chest. During my mid-late twenties I had chest pain and I automatically assumed it was heart trouble. I trained as a teacher when I was 25/26 and during this time I also experienced palpatations. After further tests the docs concluded I have a healthy heart and it must be muscular. More recently I have constant neck pain (left side), lower back pain (particularly mornings upon waking and when stood still doing dishes or something), constantly seem to have a fuzzy head from poor sleep and get weakness in glutes when stood still and when running (initially).

I have seen many different therapist and specialists about my back but not had any real concrete diagnosis. Seen Chiropractors, Osteopaths, had sports massages, had dry needles, scan and x-ray didn't show any abnormalities so no diagnosis from docs apart from tension and inflammation.....great thx doc. More recently since Dec 2014 been researching and having Alexander Technique lessons. Then I came across Dr. Sarno's 'Healing Back Pain', the booked ticked all the boxes for me physically and mentally. The only problem is I cannot find a local TMS practitioner in order to get properly diagnosed, however I am so convinced in it being TMS that I am due to start the program shortly.

I feel I have become a person that shows and even feels very little emotion, I would say though that I put a lot of thought and brain power into my surroundings and my awareness of what is going on outside instead of what is going on inside. I know that I need to change this around and be more aware of what is going on inside as a priority. I feel that I have a defense up all the time (not meaning I get defensive and retaliate), my mind is protected by others that can verbally harm me. I feel little emotion if someone tries to belittle or target me anyway (I guess I laugh everything off). I rarely get angry or mad, even as a secondary school teacher I don't feel many emotions of anger/rage but I do feel happiness and proud when pupils do well. At home I rarely argue with my wife but I do get unhappy with my children when they are not doing the things they need to be doing or are making my life hard. Particularly my 2 yr boy, he does make me feel rage at times.

I can't think of any moments in my life that would make me start repressing emotions and I guess this journey will hopefully help me uncover them.

So the journey begins.........Thanks for reading.
"Always focus on the brain not the pain"

 

Hey mate...what's occurring?

Seriously you are pretty close to me as I live near Pontypridd. You mention about not being able to find a TMS practitioner close to you...I know it isn't exactly close but there is a guy in Bristol who is a practitioner under the SIRPA programme run by Georgie Oldfield. I have seen him a few times at his practise in Bristol. Even if you only see him once if you do get a TMS diagnosis from him it could be well worth the journey in regards healing. I can supply you his details if interested.

 

Prynhawn da Butty,

Great thx for the reply, yeah if you could supply his details that would be great. Can you remember his charges? How many times have you seen him and what type of things did he do. So what is your story Huckleberry?

 

i, allinthemind. It looks like Huckleberry has given you a good lead on a TMS therapist. Meanwhile, from your post it looks to me like you need to get more in touch with your emotions to discover what repressed emotions you may have that are causing the pain, since medics say it isn't structural. The Structured Educational Program, free in the subforum of this web site, will help you a lot. It leads us to discovering those hurtful hidden emotions.

Your son is in what they call the "terrible 2's," so it's no wonder he makes you angry. Try to be patient and ride that out. Keep in mind, soon he will be 3.

 

Lol....like it gets any better at 3 Walt.

 

Great summation. I discovered this at 26 and was having issues since 19. I am exactly the same....its known as Alexithymia, the inability to express emotion

 

I find I am prone to elements of this...I can empathise with others which I suppose is a useful trait but often find it hard to feel and even harder to express my own emotions. Its a bit like the Dr Spock syndrome from Star Trek where everything is evaluated by cold hard logic and practicality. If my wife gets upset I find this extremely hard to deal with and if she actually cries I often find myself almost feeling the need to get angry...its strange. I could be watching a documentary or something with her which may be upsetting and if she started to cry I almost feel compelled to take the mickey out of her for getting emotional about something that is just on the TV even though the subject matter may be reality and the weird thing is that I would actually be feeling the same way as her but I would be too (you would need to fill in the blank here as I don't what it is) to show that same emotion externally.

The ultimate time this really happened to me was when my mother died. Both me and my wife where at my mothers side when she died and as she drew her last breath my wife just let out this guttural/primal scream and sunk to the floor sobbing hysterically. My reaction? I laughed...yep, my mother had just died in front of me and I just laughed...I put this down just to being in shock but looking back at it I believe I just didn't really know how to comprehend and express the feeling that came up at that time. I feel guilty about the fact I laughed but I know in my heart it was just a reaction due to not being able to comprehend my emotion at that moment in time.

 

My God I am the king of inappropriate laughter,, this is a nervous response mechanism. To add injury my laugh sounds goofy and have been mercilessly shamed in public for it.

 

Yeah, quite obviously I didn't find the situation funny but I think that on some level humour (and often black humour) has been my go to or default emotion and there it was just popping up. Looking at it now I can see that humour and very often sarcasm are often used by me to guard and hide my true emotions.

 

Thx for the useful readings guys. So 'Alexithymia' do you still have symptoms of this or have you overcome it and can now wilfully cry at appropriate times.

 

From my point of view it it something I think will always just be part of my personality. A big part of the TMS treatment is obviously trying to feel your emotions but I'm not actually that sure I've ever really done that. Its really a hard thing to explain...its like you know the emotion you should be feeling but trying to actually locate and lock onto the actual feeling is like trying to grab a bar of soap in the bath...it's an elusive bugger.

 

I guess it's not a real problem as long as it's not giving you pain and also as long as it's not somebody else's mum dying. It's strange as yesterday I was talking to my wife and her friend about a video from this site from the the structured program I think. It was of a therapist taking calls and the therapist talked through with one guy to try and get to the root of the problem, he ended up talking about his mother being the cause and shutting him down as a child. So the man carried on to say if he was that little boy he would hit his mum down and start hitting her on the floor. As I listened to it I didn't feel much but when I repeated the story I felt like crying but I never cried cos I'm a man Grrrrrr. Wierd. I don't think my mum my mum shut me down as a kid maybe I shud give her a hiding just in case, in my mind if course.

 

Welcome aboard! I wouldn't spend any effort doing "psycho-archeology", that's moving backwards. Dr. Sarno only referred his TMS'ers to shrinks in extreme cases. His philosophy was "JUST DO IT!"--there's nothing physically wrong with you--it's TMS/psychosomatic. Banish the negative distractions and go forward with positive enjoyable distractions instead. What's past is past, ruminating on it will lead to psychobabbling and a negative mind-set.

You don't need a TMS work-up for a DX to go ahead, from your post you've already been examined from yin to yang and all they found was tension--like in TMS--tension myositis syndrome maybe!?! And, inflammation that TMS can also create.

So be thankful you found your DX all on your own--your smarter then the white-coats and the c'quackters. If you want any "treatments" I'd recommend gentle massages, but not with the mindset that they will heal anything physical--just for some relaxation to lessen your sub-c "reservoir of Rage" for some r&r from the battlefield of moderne life.

Don't be in any hurry, after all you just discovered TMS three weeks ago--and it may have taken your sub-c all your life to create your personality, plus some womb time if you believe in the Mozart Effect. Don't watch the calendar--that's called "THE CALENDAR EFFECT"--a watched pot never boils--or maybe a reservoir of rage does. Give it some time, then sleep on it, for your sub-c to process your new mindset.

For the science behind TMS see the Rahe-Holmes list of life events that can cause TMS/psychosomatic dis-ease.

G'luck!
tt

 

THE HOLMES-RAHE STRESS SCALE:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Holmes_and_Rahe_stress_scale

 

Regarding not feeling emotions, it's the age we live in. We've been conditioned to have to be kool--it's the jazz-age, maybe it helps if you're on heroin? It's not cool to show emotions generally in our kulture--ergo the epidemic of TMS/psychosomatic pain that the Good Doctor so rightly identified. Our emotions are stuffed, suppressed and repressed=TMS structural and affective symptoms. Or as Krishnamurti said: "It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society."

 

Thx for your words tennis tom, I had heard a few clips from the TMS recovery program that reveals the therapist usually finding the root of the patients problem by usually going back to childhood and getting them to relive and feel those emotions then deal with them. So I assumed this kind of thing would come up in the structured programme that I will look to follow.

 

1 thing I forgot to mention, a lot if people I hear about with TMS seemed to have acute crippling pain. Only had it once in my neck where I woke and I cud barely turn my head, diazepam sorted me out but then the pain wasn't too acute or crippling. Also their symptoms wud stop them doing activities in fear of hurting themselves. I always felt quite strong but always had this chronic pain with me.

 

Dr. Sarno said the pain level from TMS can be as excruciating as any pain he has seen.

 

Not really had this excruciating pain though just constant chronic dull pain which is with me always in different parts of my body. Never been afraid of activity either. Is that normal for TMS too?

 

Hi bud, on the Sirpa website Georgie Oldfield's contact details are in Huddersfield. When did u see her, I have emailed her but no response as yet. Any ideas?