• Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
  • Welcome to the new TMS Wiki server! Things aren't finished yet: email is not set up, so notification and password-reset emails don't go out, and new registrations are paused until email is installed. Details and updates are in this thread (click here). Locked out? Email tmswikisignups@gmail.com from the address where you receive TMS Wiki notifications.

A bit of fun

I think maybe a break from the forum and all TMS stuff for a little is wise, calm. I totally empathize but the degree of despair you’re in is making your situation worse. The TMS brain doesn’t respond well to threats. Take a break, and I know it’s tough but engage in a something that brings joy and try to find a reset.
 
I mean a mental reset, away from trying to fix your situation in the short term. Your pain isn’t going to be resolved overnight, there’s nothing I or anyone here can say to treat your pain in this instant.
 
CalmIsTheCure said:
I Will go. I wont bother anyone anymore
Click to expand...

You aren't bothering anyone. We are here to try and help. That's what this Forum is for.

Recovering from TMS is very hard work. It requires taking a good look at yourself, finding dysfunctional patterns, and then trying to change these lifelong patterns. Hardest thing I've ever done. But then I'm really not ever done. It's a way of life.
 
Last edited:
Mani said:
And as long as you arent improving people will keep trying to find something wrong with whatever you do. It’s kind of the premise of tms that everyone can get better. I sometimes wonder how much of this is just a big game of chance but the least we can do is laugh about it and keep trying
Click to expand...
I mean, should we just go yup you’ve tried everything, it’s hopeless, you did your best sorry? Or should we gently point out the very obvious dysfunction going on? Listen I still think about the symptoms way way too much, but it’s like Sarno 101 to think psychologically. So if someone’s coming here in a panic about them, and they admit to believing in false things regarding recovery (that it’s just about emotion). If the role were reversed I’d want to be told I was doing something not conducive to healing. And I’m sure when I first joined, people did tell me.

this is a highly individualized process that requires frequent adjustments and adaptations.

Unfortunately many people need to hit rock bottom.

the concept of the book cure or the few weeks of a program cure has done a lot of damage to people with longer recoveries.
 
Rabscuttle said:
I mean, should we just go yup you’ve tried everything, it’s hopeless, you did your best sorry? Or should we gently point out the very obvious dysfunction going on? Listen I still think about the symptoms way way too much, but it’s like Sarno 101 to think psychologically. So if someone’s coming here in a panic about them, and they admit to believing in false things regarding recovery (that it’s just about emotion). If the role were reversed I’d want to be told I was doing something not conducive to healing. And I’m sure when I first joined, people did tell me.

this is a highly individualized process that requires frequent adjustments and adaptations.

Unfortunately many people need to hit rock bottom.

the concept of the book cure or the few weeks of a program cure has done a lot of damage to people with longer recoveries.
Click to expand...
If I could frame this on here for people's attention, I certainly would!
 
Ok imagine im sitting in front of you and I say to you give me some tough love, slap me awake. Whats the issue. Be brutally honest with me. Kick me up the arse.

I think I probably know part of the problem i dont know how to solve it. Probably because it's the complete opposite to whst I know how to be.
 
CalmIsTheCure said:
Ok imagine im sitting in front of you and I say to you give me some tough love, slap me awake. Whats the issue. Be brutally honest with me. Kick me up the arse.

I think I probably know part of the problem i dont know how to solve it. Probably because it's the complete opposite to whst I know how to be.
Click to expand...

I'm happy to try but as @Rabscuttle said:

Rabscuttle said:
this is a highly individualized process that requires frequent adjustments and adaptations.
Click to expand...

So, trying to help you without knowing your story is like going in blind and you're not going to get a specific enough kick up the arse (if it's needed - a generic one that applies to everyone, which is all that is possible without knowing your story, isn't going to cut it).

I suggest you make a new post and let us know what's happened (the origins), what your symptoms are and what you've tried :)
 
Last edited:
CalmIsTheCure said:
Ok imagine im sitting in front of you and I say to you give me some tough love, slap me awake. Whats the issue. Be brutally honest with me. Kick me up the arse.

I think I probably know part of the problem i dont know how to solve it. Probably because it's the complete opposite to whst I know how to be.
Click to expand...
This is brave and I applaud you for it. But it exemplifies one of the problems you are displaying. You're looking for answers from outside yourself. The human psyche is so complex and individualized that others can only offer suggestions based on their own experiences. Ultimately the answers and solutions can only be found within you. It takes honest self inquiry and dedication to uncover them. It's hard work and takes most of us years.

And because this process is painful, you are falling into victimhood and specialness. We've all been there. The thought pattern is "I'll never succeed because my situation/issues are special". They are individualized to you, but I can guarantee they fit a pattern that we can all relate to. You are sabotaging yourself. Again, this is something we can all relate to.

Again my advice is to adopt a daily recovery program and keep at it. If it doesn't alleviate your TMS symptoms in the given amount of time, do it again. Or find another one you haven't tried and do it. If you feel a therapist or coach can provide some support and direction, that's fine. But ultimately it comes down to you facing hard truths about yourself.
 
Yup. It's victimhood, @CalmIsTheCure. It's always been victimhood with you. Victimhood is created in childhood, often as a result of some form of ongoing emotional abuse, often by parents who are themselves lifelong victims.

The problem with victimhood is that it becomes the foundation of the individual's sense of self and your worldview. Resistance is the byword of the victim, but that makes sense when you understand that it would be psychologically dangerous to just suddenly toss aside all victimhood and say "good riddance". It has to be replaced with a new foundation which is based first and foremost on absolute vulnerability and openness, fully replacing the victimhood and resistance.

Humans are uncomfortable with vulnerability. Humans who are emotionally attached to victimhood are absolutely terrified by vulnerability. Unfortunately, it's the only way to stop being a victim.

This is a long-term project requiring commitment and patience, because there is no guided path out of it. It's a process of exploration which requires, IMHO, professional therapeutic guidance.

I agree with everyone who has noted that you're looking for a quick fix and somebody to tell you what to do, without spending any more money. You were told this here starting back in late 2024. The truth about reality is that nobody here has ever found relief from quick fixes or being told what to do. Your continued inability to achieve the quick fix is simply more fuel for the dumpster fire that is your ongoing victimhood.

The thing is, there's a big difference between hammering at a crumbling brick wall of fear and resistance, which is the self-recovery work that the average TMSer is engaged in, vs the need to hire a skilled construction worker with a professional jackhammer to break down the cement vault of repression that victims have built to hide their pain.

I know that you have said that you tried therapy in the past and were disappointed, if not seriously aggravated. The problem with victims is that their resistance is so strong that they are incredibly skilled at deflecting. They insist that the problems are in the present, because they have buried the past under those layers of cement. It takes a skilled and strong therapist to handle this kind of elevated resistance, one who can call bullshit on the resistance of the victim.

The victim, of course, must be willing to stick around and have their bullshit called. Perhaps you're getting to that point. I really hope so.
 
You are saying vulnerability but I feel like I have been vulnerable.

Could you elaborate?

I have a coach and ive been very open and honest and vulnerable with them.
I have also been very honest and vulnerable in my journalling.

I think at this point its about changing the identity and behaviours. I have not yet found a way to do this successfully.
 
My advice is to just keep doing the work. Let the vulnerability happen. It will happen. For me it took peeling of the onion: layers upon layers built up over time. I had to stop desiring it to happen NOW in desperation and attempting to fix and control. Those are the habits that got me into a dark place, and I had to consciously let them go and face the fear that goes along with it.
How? By simply recognizing that this is all construct of the mind.
Vulnerability for me was being honest with dismantling all the crap I believed, and seeing what crap it was and what didn't serve me.
Heck, I still have to do that every day. Recognizing that it still happens is very humbling.
And while I do these things I go out and live life and don't wallow in them: I realize I need to be a multi-tasker and do the work as it happens to come up in real time. That means feeling the emotions in real time in front of others (vulnerability). It means learning new interpersonal skills I needed and use them no matter how fumbly and mistake laden it is at first (and not blaming myself for that).
 
CalmIsTheCure said:
... but I feel like I have been vulnerable.
... I have a coach and ive been very open and honest and vulnerable with them.
I have also been very honest and vulnerable in my journalling.
Click to expand...
Sigh.

You asked for honesty, so here it is:

This is delusional.

Nobody is that vulnerable. I avoid it like the plague and I'm a god damn success story who still struggles to maintain equanimity in the face of aging, loss, and existential terror about mortality and the state of the world. My therapist called me out not long ago for avoidance, and it was hard to acknowledge because I really didn't want to "go there", in spite of my ability to fully understand and acknowledge that I'm being tempted to give in to the dark side by playing the victim card.

Ask your coach what it's going to take for you to wean yourself away from your attachment to victimhood. It's a place to start. But you're going to have to go back to where it actually started, which is all the way back.
 
CalmIsTheCure said:
I think at this point its about changing the identity and behaviours. I have not yet found a way to do this successfully.
Click to expand...

Example: You do the opposite of a bad habit. Even if you don't feel like it.

For instance, you are in pain and feel like sh%t. You spread your own vibrations around everywhere you go. Miserable and in pain. Now, you start doing the opposite. You suck it up, shut up about it, don't spread your "joy" around anymore.

You do something for someone else. You help someone. Anyone. You are not thinking about: I, me, mine, my etc. You are going outside of your body and mind and concentrate on helping someone else. You start feeling better, you forget about your own sh%t, even about your pain a little bit, you spread more pleasant vibrations around. You feel better because you helped someone, you feel human again even for a moment. It's a change. A new habit. A new groove on your brain.

This was just an example. You can use this method to change other habits. Like being in the habit of pleasing others. You do the opposite, you speak your own mind. Politely but firmly. You say your truth.

Try it. Just see how it goes.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top