A bit of fun

Ive lost any humour around this now.

 

I think maybe a break from the forum and all TMS stuff for a little is wise, calm. I totally empathize but the degree of despair you’re in is making your situation worse. The TMS brain doesn’t respond well to threats. Take a break, and I know it’s tough but engage in a something that brings joy and try to find a reset.

 

I dont know how. There is no position for rest or no pain.
How do I stop and take a break in that situation

 

I mean a mental reset, away from trying to fix your situation in the short term. Your pain isn’t going to be resolved overnight, there’s nothing I or anyone here can say to treat your pain in this instant.

 

You aren't bothering anyone. We are here to try and help. That's what this Forum is for.

Recovering from TMS is very hard work. It requires taking a good look at yourself, finding dysfunctional patterns, and then trying to change these lifelong patterns. Hardest thing I've ever done. But then I'm really not ever done. It's a way of life.

 

I couldn't do it face to face of course, but I have explained what, from my experience, needs to happen https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/a-bit-of-fun.33426/page-2#post-170729 which aligns with what @Ellen and @Rabscuttle have also advised you, but what your brain is doing in response is . My brain did that too (because it didn't like what it was hearing).

 

I mean, should we just go yup you’ve tried everything, it’s hopeless, you did your best sorry? Or should we gently point out the very obvious dysfunction going on? Listen I still think about the symptoms way way too much, but it’s like Sarno 101 to think psychologically. So if someone’s coming here in a panic about them, and they admit to believing in false things regarding recovery (that it’s just about emotion). If the role were reversed I’d want to be told I was doing something not conducive to healing. And I’m sure when I first joined, people did tell me.

this is a highly individualized process that requires frequent adjustments and adaptations.

Unfortunately many people need to hit rock bottom.

the concept of the book cure or the few weeks of a program cure has done a lot of damage to people with longer recoveries.

 

If I could frame this on here for people's attention, I certainly would!

 

Ok imagine im sitting in front of you and I say to you give me some tough love, slap me awake. Whats the issue. Be brutally honest with me. Kick me up the arse.

I think I probably know part of the problem i dont know how to solve it. Probably because it's the complete opposite to whst I know how to be.

 

I'm happy to try but as @Rabscuttle said:

So, trying to help you without knowing your story is like going in blind and you're not going to get a specific enough kick up the arse (if it's needed - a generic one that applies to everyone, which is all that is possible without knowing your story, isn't going to cut it).

I suggest you make a new post and let us know what's happened (the origins), what your symptoms are and what you've tried

 

This is brave and I applaud you for it. But it exemplifies one of the problems you are displaying. You're looking for answers from outside yourself. The human psyche is so complex and individualized that others can only offer suggestions based on their own experiences. Ultimately the answers and solutions can only be found within you. It takes honest self inquiry and dedication to uncover them. It's hard work and takes most of us years.

And because this process is painful, you are falling into victimhood and specialness. We've all been there. The thought pattern is "I'll never succeed because my situation/issues are special". They are individualized to you, but I can guarantee they fit a pattern that we can all relate to. You are sabotaging yourself. Again, this is something we can all relate to.

Again my advice is to adopt a daily recovery program and keep at it. If it doesn't alleviate your TMS symptoms in the given amount of time, do it again. Or find another one you haven't tried and do it. If you feel a therapist or coach can provide some support and direction, that's fine. But ultimately it comes down to you facing hard truths about yourself.

 

You are saying vulnerability but I feel like I have been vulnerable.

Could you elaborate?

I have a coach and ive been very open and honest and vulnerable with them.
I have also been very honest and vulnerable in my journalling.

I think at this point its about changing the identity and behaviours. I have not yet found a way to do this successfully.

 

My advice is to just keep doing the work. Let the vulnerability happen. It will happen. For me it took peeling of the onion: layers upon layers built up over time. I had to stop desiring it to happen NOW in desperation and attempting to fix and control. Those are the habits that got me into a dark place, and I had to consciously let them go and face the fear that goes along with it.
How? By simply recognizing that this is all construct of the mind.
Vulnerability for me was being honest with dismantling all the crap I believed, and seeing what crap it was and what didn't serve me.
Heck, I still have to do that every day. Recognizing that it still happens is very humbling.
And while I do these things I go out and live life and don't wallow in them: I realize I need to be a multi-tasker and do the work as it happens to come up in real time. That means feeling the emotions in real time in front of others (vulnerability). It means learning new interpersonal skills I needed and use them no matter how fumbly and mistake laden it is at first (and not blaming myself for that).