Growing up there was only a very narrow band of acceptable emotions. Any verbal expression that would cause disagreement, conflict or disappointment from my parents was not approved of. So all those unacceptable emotions when they occured (usually not expressed) turned into physical pain or depression(in a nanosecond). Or if they were expressed resulted in physical pain or depression. This is the way it has been all my life. So now I am trying to change. I am trying to express my opinion even though I know others may disapprove. I find this so embarrassing. These are really minor situations but have caused a violent physical reaction. Sunday night sitting at dinner with friends discussing recent events I expressed an opinion on several issues differing from everyone else in the group. Normally I would not say anything, or my opinion would be mushy, or concilatory or the peacemaking. I did not do this. I expressed it as a professional. I woke up at 3:30 with violent diarrhea and wanted to throw up. up.