I am starting to connect the begging of my pain to many events in my life. I started having pelvic pain when I was 15. I just had gotten out of a unhealthy relationship with someone who was suicidal. The whole relationship I felt the need to "fix" them. So often i always put on a happy face to try to make them feel better, even days I was not feeling good. Around the same time my brother was diagnosed Bipolar so the house was so hectic. My parents were so wrapped up in attending to his needs I would feel like I didn't have time to express my emotions. They were always in tears in the beginning when he would have an episode. So I would think someone had to be the strong one and I thought that person had to be me. If he was having trouble with his emotions I would feel bad expressing mine because his emotional state was more unsteady than mine so I thought I should just "tough it up." On top of that after the relationship I was in ended I started to realize I might be Bi or just Gay, but I did not know and I wanted to continue to fit in so I repressed those feelings as well. I am now 18 still on my healing journey using the TMS approach. I have a boyfriend and will be graduating soon. Part of me just wants date him util I graduate and than start experimenting. Do all that normal prom high school stuff.