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Practicing self-compassion

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by veronica73, Jun 15, 2012.

  1. veronica73

    veronica73 Well known member

    I think the hardest part of recovering from TMS for me is learning how to be compassionate with myself. As bad as pain, obsession, anxiety are I think the most challenging thing is to just be kind to myself.

    I have noticed lately that when I am feeling physically good I am usually feeling connected emotionally--present in my body, in the moment, with the people around me. When I am in pain or anxious I usually am feeling disconnected, fearful, alone (even if other people are with me). Today I noticed the emotions first and then watched as they kind of morphed into low-grade pain. (Usually I feel the physical pain first and then try to think psychological and figure out where it is coming from). I'm probably fighting the full experience of the emotions and so the pain is coming on a little, but it's just there and I'm not really afraid of it or even annoyed by it, just kind of watching it.

    I realize I am pretty mean to myself a lot of the time and that I torture myself with lots of fearful thoughts and treat myself in ways I would never treat another person. I guess this is the "inner bully"? Anyway, I feel like at least now I am realizing how much I do this and so it's shifting a little in a positive direction.
     
    Leonor, Ellen, Lily Rose and 3 others like this.
  2. quasar731

    quasar731 Well known member

    "Brilliant deduction 99!" (as in Get Smart agent)I agree with you 100%! I too undergo a similar experience. When I am with specific people, even when I am writing on this board to all of you, I am in the zone and pain has almost faded totally in the background. One of us this week talked about the factor 'attention' and the effect that attention or not attention to symptoms can have in its perception. Alan Gordon also talks about this in an excerpt I read.

    Another moment of sheer brilliancy! I also agree with you Veronica because I also experience it. This is a learned behavior. Moreover, it is true that we would not treat anyone in this fashion, so it begs the question...why do we do it to ourselves? I will not claim to have the answers but my humble deduction is that this is a 'pre-recording', someone did it for us and we internalized it in the 'unmanned room' of the subconscious. It was seared with the fire of suffering in some people or sheer repetitiveness in others. Trauma has a powerful effect to leave experiences sealed and delivered for ever and a day until uncovered, acknowledged, accepted as a reality and dealt with in love. At this point I believe healing occurs and this is not an instant happening, not in most cases. Nothing is instant.
     
    Lily Rose likes this.
  3. Beach-Girl

    Beach-Girl Well known member

    Hello Veronica:

    This is what I do too. I never thought about "being in my body" as a lot of times in my work - I'm not. So I don't really distinguish which is which. But you've given me something to think about. And I don't remember (sadly) the last time I felt centered. I take that back. When I'm with my dog, on the beach, in the early dawn - we are one. We are centered.

    You are doing so well. And you're right. I would never treat another person the way I treat myself. But I'm learning. We're ALL learning.

    BG
     
    Lily Rose and veronica73 like this.
  4. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    veronica73I think the hardest part of recovering from TMS for me is learning how to be compassionate with myself. As bad as pain, obsession, anxiety are I think the most challenging thing is to just be kind to myself.

    I have noticed lately that when I am feeling physically good I am usually feeling connected emotionally--present in my body, in the moment, with the people around me.

    Eric)- This is relationship , you were healing then- awesome. Also compassion for yourself is like rule number 1, great observation

    Veronica73)- When I am in pain or anxious I usually am feeling disconnected, fearful, alone (even if other people are with me). Today I noticed the emotions first and then watched as they kind of morphed into low-grade pain. (Usually I feel the physical pain first and then try to think psychological and figure out where it is coming from). I'm probably fighting the full experience of the emotions and so the pain is coming on a little, but it's just there and I'm not really afraid of it or even annoyed by it, just kind of watching it.

    Eric)- The above is a mixture of tms therapy - focusing and loosing the fear, I bet your a lot better now.

    Veronica)- I realize I am pretty mean to myself a lot of the time and that I torture myself with lots of fearful thoughts and treat myself in ways I would never treat another person. I guess this is the "inner bully"? Anyway, I feel like at least now I am realizing how much I do this and so it's shifting a little in a positive direction.

    Eric)- You have learned and observed your path to healing, Great story of what it takes to heal. Thanks veronica73
     
  5. Lily Rose

    Lily Rose Beloved Grand Eagle

    Fighting the battle of self worth means calling upon our Inner Warriors. Like anything in this life, training must occur. Warriors-in-Training, indeed. My inner world is a landscape of battlefields. Some fields have morphed into meadows of wild-flowers, some lay scarred wastelands. Over each and all, the sun still rises, the moon still reflects and tugs, and the stars still blanket the sky in glorious patterns.

    How was the Inner Bully birthed? By voices within and without. Do not malign the Inner Bully. Sometimes it helped to push through situations. A bully can be a tyrant or aggressor. We sometimes have needed that tyrant to survive.

    The self-insight, Veronica ... it is a beautiful thing to behold.

    with grace and gratitude,
    ^_^
     
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  6. Leonor

    Leonor Peer Supporter

    I fully agree with you. I also have a hard time with it. The worst part is that we weren't even aware of it. We thought that was part of life, just pushing yourself for the best, being tough and getting the best out of you, but we get burned and luckily we start looking inside our inner child and start healing. It will take some time but at least we are working on it. It is very important to get there.

    Leonor
     
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  7. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    Eric)- This is exactly right Leonor, We practice the rage sooth ratio from Dr. Sarnos book
    Mindbody connection here. If we can look through the eyes of a child and learn to be
    happy again we often begin to heal more smoothly without all the fuss.
    :)- Your right on.
     
  8. Eric "Herbie" Watson

    Eric "Herbie" Watson Beloved Grand Eagle

    This is a wonderful saying of prose Lily Rose, The truth is we all have battle fields and as long as we realize that then we can become aware of those fields and take control with the beauty of the sun rise, the glow of a full moon, and the remembrance of an embrace while filled with gratitude gazing at the stars-
    Now thats soothing.
    Thanks
     
  9. Msunn

    Msunn Well known member

    Thanks for the honesty of your post Veronica. I identify with much of what you wrote.

    In my case as a professional musician, I've spent so many years striving for unattainable perfection.
    Is it that surprising that my subconscious has created hand problems that make it difficult to play and compose?

    So I am also trying to be kind and compassionate to myself.

    One book that helped a lot is called Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach.

    I don't wish anyone else pain or discomfort, but it helps to know that others are on the same path to recovery.

    All the best to you.
     
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.
  10. nancy

    nancy Well known member

    I am learning to Love Soothing!! Never had it but now I know that there is such a thing,
    I'm into it totally!! I was always the family's go to person when your in need and never
    wished to disc anyone, against my beliefs in life. Now I say I love you but I can only help
    you so much, I will be here but I must take care of myself too. Very hard at times but I'm
    doing it. Much hope and help to everyone here. Thanks to Eric, Walt, and others I have learned
    so much in such a short time. YEAH!!! Nancy
     
  11. Solange

    Solange Well known member

    I used to be really mean to myself nearly all the time although I didn't realize it. If I catch myself saying or thinking something bad about myself or what I have achieved I now make a point of asking myself if I would have said that to a friend. Most of the time the answer is no! I now try to catch those thoughts immediately and examine their truth so I can weed them out before they put down roots. I agree with quasar731 about the 'pre-recording' of negative beliefs and self-perceptions; they are hard to recognize and even harder to shake off as they have been usually embedded deeply within us, all unknown and possibly unintentionally, by those who were most influential in our lives at an early age. Be kind to yourself Veronica73 and treat yourself with the love and respect you would give to a good friend.
     
    Lily Rose likes this.
  12. Walt Oleksy

    Walt Oleksy Beloved Grand Eagle

    Sometimes, when I am angry at myself or hard on myself, I think about my darling dog, and how
    I am not hard on her, because she really is perfect. She deserves to be treated with kindness and love,
    as we deserve to treat ourselves. Our pets, dog or cat or any other, teach us what they are to each other,
    kind and loving. I see this often in video clips friends send me showing how animals of different species
    become loving friends. It may sound simplistic, but I believe animals were put on this earth to show
    us how to love each other. They don't judge each other. They don't expect perfection of themselves
    or others. They just live and love and accept. They often will lick the hand that beats them.

    I've nearly cried when I've been the news segments showing people in the Philippines or
    Washington, Illinois, their faces full of despair at losing their loved ones or homes to the typhoon
    or tornado but how they light up when they discover that their dog or cat came through it alive.

    I tingle when I read Solange's comforting words to Veronica, "Be kind to yourself and treat yourself with the love
    and respect you would give to a good friend."

    There is an old song that says, "You always hurt the one you love." We should try never to do that,
    especially to ourselves.
     
  13. veronica73

    veronica73 Well known member

    Hi all,
    I haven't been on here much lately but thanks for your kind words. I am mostly pain free these days and still working on being more compassionate with myself. It's a work in progress :)
     
    Eric "Herbie" Watson likes this.

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