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Extreme tms. Feel like giving up.

Discussion in 'General Discussion Subforum' started by NeOshin28, Jan 10, 2023.

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  1. NeOshin28

    NeOshin28 Newcomer


    i guess I’m posting here because I don’t know where else to post and I’m in need of some reassurance. I know reassurance checking isn’t the best idea with tms but I feel so low and broken and I just don’t know what else to do anymore.

    I’m 27, from the uk and my tms started when I was 5, separation anxiety from my mum as she was always in hospital seriously ill and I started with somatic stomach pain ect.

    a life of horrific trauma and abuse from my mums abusive ex boyfriend led to me getting worse tms symptom's at 15 - chronic right kidney pain, utis, kidney infections, ovarian pain, cysts, even septicaemia for an unknown reason so lots of hospital traumas from 15-18. I remember clearly so many times coming out the hospital screaming and crying that they couldn’t find the cause before I knew about tms. All I was offered at 15 was tramadol and morphine patches. I eventually managed to do my a levels through the pain and went to uni where some symtpoms left but the ovary stuff stayed, then I found I had cervical cancer which went along with the ovary stuff.

    I have a myriad of mental health issues because of the life of trauma- cptsd ect, immense rage, everything sarno talked about with the emotional issues. Then started the low back pain going down legs into feet, diagnosed as coccyxdinia ect to the point I had to go to a hospital school to do my GCSEs.

    my current issues started five years ago after more continous stress and trauma. I randomly had hypothermia (I don’t even think it was that it was just my nervous system shutting down. The low back pain came back in both buttocks burning and down both legs, pain like nothing I’ve ever experienced.

    Over the past five years it’s spiralled. These are my symptoms now.
    - Low back pain both buttocks legs and constant burning feet to where it’s unbearable to sit or walk
    - burning arms and throughout whole body (not constant)
    - right shoulder bursitis
    - constant chest pain and stomach pain after eating (GI doc did tests and showed severe hyper sensitivity - his words were it’s from a life of trauma and the nervous system becoming sensitised
    - upper back burning and between shoulders
    - blurred vision
    - tinnitus
    - tmj
    - constant tachycardia
    - severe panic attacks, DPDR, ect
    - fibromyalgia diagnosis, dysautonomia, functional neurological disorder, gastroperisis, CRPS from one neurologist, small fiber neuropathy from another… the list is endless

    I believe in tms. The only thing I’m stuck on is my back scan showed a large tarlov cyst in my sacrum. I shouldn’t of, but googling there’s a tarlov cyst foundation of thousands of people with the same cyst with the same pain as me in wheelchairs ect. If I didn’t have the cyst I feel like I’d believe more. I was on pregablin which basically got rid of the burning feet ect, but I’ve come down off it again due to it blurring my vision and brain fog and the feet and legs have come back making me feel like it really is the cyst…

    I’ve tried journalling meditation all the programs a tms therapust, EMDR, trauma therapy, it won’t go.

    My life is miserable because I can’t eat what I want, I can’t listen to music loud anymore for the tinnitus, I can’t stand or walk far for the pain, I’ve tried going to the gym, it makes it worse, my life has just become smaller and smaller.

    i know the misery and anger at my life is fuelling it but I can’t do anything because of the pain. I used to love painting and I can’t because of the shoulder pain. I can’t meet friends because I can’t walk far ect. I’m utterly miserable and totally engraged.

    i feel like there’s no way out. I’m working with a trauma therapist mostly on controlling my emotions from the cptsd and I’ve read all the tms books.
    I had a first class degree and was working with the UN before all this started, now I live alone unable to work just sitting around the house or go to the gym where my pain gets worse.

    i know the fear has to go but it won’t because now I’m scared of stress, worrying about my parents dying and my symptoms getting worse, worrying about being 30 soon and stuck in a town I hate constantly in pain. I have my masters offers but I can’t go, because of the amount of symptoms.

    i don’t know what to do anymore and any advice would be welcomed.
    Thank you if you read this.
  2. JanAtheCPA

    JanAtheCPA Beloved Grand Eagle

    Hey there, @NeOshin28 - I see that you posted this same thread with different titles in two different subforums. I'm going to lock this thread and refer people to the other one which is here in the Support subforum: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/so-tired-of-tms-20-symptoms-tired-of-fighting.26733/ (So tired of tms. 20+ symptoms, tired of fighting)

    The reason for this is partly because it belongs in the Support subforum, but mostly it's so that people don't get confused, and so that responses you receive are all in one place and can form a coherent discussion. This is pretty standard forum protocol.
    Last edited: Jan 10, 2023
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