Everything to floor me, except pain

Hello, I’m new to the forum and just trying to figure things out for myself. I have a question about non-pain symptoms.

Although I have experienced back pain at the beginning of all this (apparently scoliosis), and TMJ/headaches, I would confidently say that I rarely get physical pain anymore. I would say I have quite a high pain threshold so whenever I did get pain I’d ignore it and just get on with me life. I found it boring rather than a distraction. So I believe it explains why my body has given up with that and has resorted to trying to floor me with other non-pain symptoms such as breathlessness, feeling very faint, extreme fatigue, dizziness, SVT (heart palpitations), tremors, muscles weakness, chest pain, eye/vision problems and anything that resembles a heart attack. These, of course, have a far stronger hold on me, terrify me, and despite seeing a cardiologist, lung specialist, gynaecologist and endocrinologist there appears to be nothing particularly wrong with me.

I conclude I may have TMS. Or at least I’m VERY stressed out.

I even said to myself the other day I’m quite invested in being bed ridden with this. I feel SAFER when I’m not moving, not living, hiding, numbing myself from the fear, but it’s ultimately making me feel worse. I anm so depressed and anxious now because of it. Every day is a nightmare atm. I feel like it’s ruined my life. Taken away all my joy and hope. I’m terrified to breathe let alone live!

And as soon as one symptom gets ruled out, another appears. It looks VERY suspect. But because it’s my heart… and because I see my local surgery/hospital missing cases and people dying through medical negligence, I am finding it really hard to release my fear over this. When your heart starts thumping at 180bpm out of nowhere and you’re home alone with a 2yo- that’s scary. When you suddenly cant catch a breath and you feel yourself getting hot and dizzy when driving with your kids in the back on the motorway- that’s not ok. If I pass out… I know Sarno says it’s can’t hurt you but what if I DO faint and bang my head? What if these symptoms progress so much I DO have a heart attack? This is possible right? Or will my body relent at the point of hurting me? Is it trying to scare me more then destroy me?

After my MRI, my heart revealed minor scarring which ‘might’ be causing my SVT but they can’t be sure. They aren’t worried at all. But they’ve offered me a cardiac ablation which I’m not happy about. I don’t know why. I think I’m more scared it won’t help and I don’t like the idea of permanently scarring my heart to see if it stops it. Plus it’s insanely expensive. So I’m researching other causes for it right now hence why I’m here. I’ve also found out I am potentially iron deficient, my bloods are a bit odd… my ferritin levels are normal but apparently I’m also starved of oxygen and low on iron. I’ve been treated for the iron deficiency recently with an infusion but of course my symptoms continue to persist and frankly… embarrass me. I feel absolutely pathetic. I think I’m dying and everyone’s looking at me as if I’m mad. I feel so so so so so guilty if it’s TMS. Because people don’t mind if you’re sick with a bad heart or broken leg right? If you’re collapsing because you feel a bit stressed out that’s going to ruffle a lot of feathers. I’m such a hard working person, I try so hard to be strong and get stuck in and fight through hard days, so to think I’m being taken out by emotions is beyond humbling.

Stress, anxiety, panic attacks, a nervous breakdown, nerves, clearly very worried, the worrying type, psychological causes have all been mentioned to me time and time and time again. For some reason I can’t get on well with any of the antidepressants, sedatives or beta blockers they’re given me. My body is just rejecting everything except isolation and stillness…. Which is a huge red flag right? I should have found some relief?

So I think I am a perfect candidate for TMS.

I have a history of alcoholic parents, a painful childhood, im a victim of sexual abuse, I was bullied, etc. I am currently going through an extremely stressful time atm although I can confidently say life is definitely in a better place than it was 20 years ago so I can’t complain. Except now my body is doing this to me.

Is this possible? Is this TMS? How do I fight through the fear of dying? Pain is one thing, but I’m really scared I’m going to drop dead from this. Someone told me to just battle on and not care if I do… like push myself to the point where I faint to see if I actually faint.

 

So TMS - and not surprising! You have been thru an avalanche of stressful experiences and that has got to hit at some point - that is what you are suffering from - its good to get Drs diagnoses etc - but when they say the body systems are ok - we know than it is over to ourselves to sort it out.
Stop giving yourself a hard time - you are allowed to suffer - and you are allowed to be pi**ed off at it all! Having a child to care for as well makes it even harder - because they always come first - but put yourself a close second!! Take time to sort this out. Do the SEP (TMS wiki button at top left - then under 'our programs') that gives you a framework to begin. Read the TMS books, use the forum and take time every day to do something for you - time in nature, meditation or mindfulness, yoga, writing a journal - anything that floats your boat - but gives you time!!!
You will get thru this and I suspect you will get better. You are an overly sensitive person reacting to a lifetime of harmful stress!! Its like a game of Buckaroo! The good thing is that we sensitive people are the best at helping and supporting others who suffer - we notice - and we care.... so buckle up and join the ride!

 

This is so true. In the past highly sensitive people used to be the healers in the tribe. Now, in our times, they suffer and are more prone to mental illnesses, chronic pain, suicide etc. I find this to be so so sad...

 

Th

Thank you!

TMS has been on my radar for some time but because I didn’t necessarily have back pain (although I do today which is very amusing) I made my excuses and decided it didn’t apply to me. Yet I’ve been reading the great pain deception (with my trusty highlighter) and I’ve turned the first few chapters pink because I’ve related to so much. It’s actually made me laugh in frustration because WOW. If only my symptoms WERE all pain related, it would be 100% be obvious but I think my brain is so crafty it’s actually found another way to keep me on my toes.

I’ve definitely caught it out. Pain moving. Sympathetic pain when others get ill. Or when a doctor found something suddenly developing those symptoms.

Perhaps I do have iron problems, heart problems as well, but I do think TMS is certainly making things harder.

I am battle weary now. I’ve been through so much. The sad thing it’s my family that are suffering now, not the people who’ve hurt me. So I have this mix of rage, guilt, inadequacy, fear. A perfect storm. Much of me wants revenge. To hurt. To control. But that’s all wrong isn’t it? And then Mrs People Pleaser comes out and tries to forgive or tries to be an amazing mother desperately hoping to break the cycle and stop my 4 children from ever experiencing anything close to what I went through. Then there’s the day to day stuff. Having a baby in lockdown. Work. Money. Home. Family. School. It’s all chaos.

Not surprised by ANY of what’s happening if I’m honest. I just don’t know how to get out of it. There’s not much I can change right now. Things are just hard atm.

 

And also exploited. I’m known to be a ‘fixer’. I can sort out anyone else’s problems or coach them or find a method that helps them thrive but the second I need the same insight and passion I’m met with shrugged shoulders and indifference. Nobody cares. And what’s worse is that I really struggle to help myself in the same way I help others. My mind goes blank. Deep down I think I just want one person to just see me, see me truly like I see them. But I’ve not found that person yet.

 

I understand. It is unfortunate but there is something that you could do, if I can make a suggestion...

If I were you, I would go to therapy, and pay for a few sessions with a good psychotherapist. A professional would know how to help you use different tools to help yourself. There are many different techniques.

I've done psychotherapy and learned how to: say "no", take care of myself and my mental health first so the foundation is solid; use visualization techniques for fear or other emotions etc. A good psychotherapist might recommend good books about x or y techniques if you want to go deeper. Also a therapist might ask about sleep patterns, diet, exercise etc. They always have a fresh perspective and might come with new ideas, things that maybe you never thought about.

You can benefit greatly after just 3-5 sessions.

Take care.