A Post for a Friend

I met a friend here at Tmswiki close to a year ago now.
He was very supportive of my goals as I was his.

He helped me to learn to laugh and smile again as I
taught him the finer points of the tms phenomena.

Everyday he had a way of bringing out the best in me and making
me push harder and go further in my goals than I ever thought possible.

I coached him on his rough days and he coached me on my rough days.
We sort of healed together as I know we have journeyed together for a while now.

I was already on top of the healing journey as I knew it
till he would send me these jokes that made me laugh out loud
and I knew what Norman Cousins meant then about how
laughter pulled him and thousands of others out of some tight spots with their health

I remember when I was down he would give me a word of encouragement
as a brother or father or even a close friend would do.

He's never given up on being that friend till this day
he still sends me the great old classic movies of old so
I can enjoy and laugh and keep a spirit of gratitude.

And most important of all, he's still the same friend I learned to know
close to a year ago and he's not changed a bit. That's real , real friends are real heroes.

Thanks for being that real friend Walt Olesky, Your the Best

PS- If anyone has a friend that you would like to show some gratitude too
lets do it here and make a thread of friendship that last forever.

 

What a wonderful post - a true testament to the community this forum provides, and to the strength and power of this community, facilitating such significant, strong friendships. Thanks for sharing this with us!

 

Thanks, friend Herbie. I feel the same about your friendship,
that we've helped each other for a year of learning more about TMS and healing.

Close friends of mine divorced about three years ago and I had felt like part of
their family. I believe it triggered my own childhood stresses when my parents divorced
when I was about seven, and I had two more fathers after that. No wonder my back hurt.

But I've come to realize that a family doesn't just have to mean one we were born into.
I feel great having friends and that sure includes you and all of the "TMSWiki Family."

Herbie, your posts in reply to TMSers are just great, so helpful, so encouraging.

I'll look for more laughs to post to you and on the forums.

 

I think one of the toughest issues in healing is the isolation that you feel when you are in pain. I have a lot friends, but none of them know that I have TMS. It's socially acceptable to have physical ailments, but to admit that you have emotionally based pain is much more difficult. I have close friends that know I have anxiety, but I've never gone into depth about the physical symptoms that manifest. Part of that rationale is not wanting to pay it any more attention, have anyone ask about my progress, thus giving it more power.

I think it's great that this community is so helpful to each other and provides a safe place to share. I guess that is expected when you throw a bunch of "goodists" together, right? Cheers!

 

Oh stigma, how I hate you. Ugh. It truly frustrates me that it's completely acceptable to have purely physical ailments, yet if there are any psychological factors, it becomes a totally different situation. You never know how someone will react to your diagnosis. Over time, I've found two things: one, it's really not anyone's business what's going on with you. You get to decide who you tell. If they keep pushing for an answer and you don't feel comfortable giving one, that's a strong reason why you should not disclose to that person. I've been in that situation a couple times. The first time, I told the truth, and it backfired. They decided my response was not "good enough" for them. Another time I deflected and never ended up responding, and that worked fine. And one other time, with a particularly persistent person, I just lied (well, fictionalized the truth a bit). It resembled the truth enough that it didn't get me in trouble later, but it left out the parts that were potentially stigmatizing. He left me alone.

The second and more important thing I've found is this: when you decide to disclose, the people who stand by you are the ones worth keeping around. And often, standing by you means treating you just as they did before. Pandagirl I totally agree that even telling people closer to us all that's going on sometimes results in them checking up on us all the time. It can get a bit annoying -- we're not broken! We're just working through some things. The people who are truly the best friends are the ones who get that always asking how we're doing, what the pain level is, if they can get anything for us, etc isn't helpful. They're the ones who really listen when we say, "I am/will be OK, and if I need something from you I will ask." They're the ones who don't see us any differently than before. I have a few of those friends, and for me, they make a world of difference.

 

Yea I know what you mean Pandagirl, I never speak of any symptoms or that their psychologically based either
That's a hand dealt between me and my tms friends, I think its good to make friends here.
Friends that understand and they don't look at you funny.

You have right thoughts and direction by not letting anyone out in the world know
It always agitated me when I first learned it was my own thoughts doing this to me
and then id try to explain it to a member of the family that was strictly physically oriented.

It was like I was talking to a wall, they never understood, they didn't want to know
I was just talking gibberish to them, sort like John Stossels Brother Syndrome.
I know it takes practice and time, it also takes a willing heart.

 

I have only one person outside of TMSWiki friends who accept my belief in TMS.
A niece in Florida doesn't post on the forums but in her emails I can see that she goes to
sessions that say pretty much what Sarno says.

I don't talk about TMS to those I just know will roll their eyes.

But if a relative or friend hurts and I think they should know about TMS, I tell them
and let the words of wisdom fall on deaf ears. I figure maybe after they think about it
a while, they'll look into TMSWiki and give it a try.

 

That's a good rule of thumb Walt
I do always tell my friends about tms healing
I hope one day it will fall in their line of thinking
I tell my loving family that watching comedy's
and going for a ride in the park just to watch the birds fly and chirp
will really help with their anxiety and all, some
of them are coming around after a year of telling them.

It is worth repeating to real genuine friends that you
know and one day it will really help them.

I remember when I first went to church 13 years ago,
I took along 12 family members.
After about a month I think 6 were going every week.
Then after a year it was just me, I noticed that finishing the race
is as important or more so as beginning it.

To many stop just shy of the finish line
Its a mean world if you have no inner strength-
You inner strength is more important than your physical strength-
Its where the essence of your physical strength comes from.

 

I work in a school, and there are SO many staff members with symptoms that seem to be TMS! I do share with some of them if I think they're receptive to the TMS message. I'm sure there are those who gossip about me behind my back, but I feel that if I can help even one, it's worth the risk to me. I don't socialize with many people from work, so I guess it doesn't hurt me as much if some pooh-pooh the idea of TMS. I view it like a 12 step offering: "Take what you like and leave the rest."
I've told a few people that I felt embarrassed when I discovered that my subC had been delivering this pain--i.e. that I'd been doing this to myself. But I decided that I had 2 options: 1. despair over the fact that I'm dysfunctional, or 2. rejoice that I've found a way to curtail the pain. I choose the latter.

 

What a good point! I should likewise remember to be grateful to have found a solution. My default is most often the opposite, to beat myself up for my shortcomimgs/illness, to think of myself as less than because of my symptoms. I think a large part of my symptoms are actually a form of self punishment as well as Sarno says a form of protecting me from feelings and the big scary world out there. The punishment I am beginning to see. I beat myself up- literally pulling my own hair out since my symptom is hair loss- for all the things I am doing wrong, not doing right or not doing at all. I have been unemployed for a while and I am berating myself for it, blaming myself - Beating myself up with symptoms. I blame and beat myself up for job loss, for not getting new job offers from interviews, for having no money, for not doing enough each day and in my job search- and beat, blame, beat myself up with these symptoms. Self destruction at my own hand.

It is a good reminder to practice gratitude for finding a solution. Thank you for the reminder.

 

What a good point! I should likewise remember to be grateful to have found a solution. My default is most often the opposite, to beat myself up for my shortcomimgs/illness, to think of myself as less than because of my symptoms. I think a large part of my symptoms are actually a form of self punishment as well as Sarno says a form of protecting me from feelings and the big scary world out there. The punishment I am beginning to see. I beat myself up- literally pulling my own hair out since my symptom is hair loss- for all the things I am doing wrong, not doing right or not doing at all. I have been unemployed for a while and I am berating myself for it, blaming myself - Beating myself up with symptoms. I blame and beat myself up for job loss, for not getting new job offers from interviews, for having no money, for not doing enough each day and in my job search- and beat, blame, beat myself up with these symptoms. Self destruction at my own hand.

It is a good reminder to practice gratitude for finding a solution. Thank you for the reminder.

 

I think it was in Fred Amir's book that he talked about rewards. Perhaps you can change your focus from beating yourself up about a situation to rewarding yourself with something little for doing something positive that day.
Job hunting is SO stressful! Be gentle with yourself and try to focus on the positive, as in "Today I took the steps to do X." Otherwise it's too easy to get stuck in a negative feedback loop.
Blessings to you.