MonteH: Living with TMS
This is a really interesting update. Being with our emotions can be a very difficult task, and Monte provides some really good advice on how to do it. There were two things that really stood out to me; 1. don't resist or avoid our feelings, instead be with them. It is easy to say we are too busy or don't have the time to think mindfully, then we will simply fall back into the pain cycle.
2. Monte suggests that we need to avoid analyzing, judging or blaming our feelings. This is very important. I think one reason people avoid being with their feelings is because they do judge themselves for thinking/feeling a certain way, i.e. the perfect parent wouldn't be angry with their child or the perfect employee wouldn't say no to their boss when they ask too much. Allowing ourselves to have feelings and being okay with them is a huge step to recovery.
This got me thinking, has anyone else had trouble accepting and being with their feelings? What do yo do to avoid blaming or judging yourself for your own feelings? Also, does anyone try to avoid or deny their feelings, and if so, what do you do to overcome the urge to ignore your feelings?
Monte Hueftle Update - April 21, 2011
Thinking psychological is the most important practice to engage in when living with TMS.
Part of thinking psychological is thinking clean. We have to clean-up some of the daily tension that we generate and we have to stop repressing some of the emotional energy that we allow ourselves to avoid or deny on a daily basis (generates more tension).
A big, huge part of Think Psychological and Think Clean is learning how and when to stop thinking and instead to be with our feelings or emotional energy!
Allowing or experiencing emotional energy in this way can only be done when you get out of your head/mind. Make it your daily practice to call time-out and be with your feelings/emotional energy a few times a day for a few minutes.
Sitting with your Feeling or Emotion
A very important part of Think Psychological
Sitting with our feelings or emotions as a way to release or dissipate our emotional energy is part of Think Psychological and Think Clean. This is a very powerful practice of calling time-out on all this thinking stuff and instead give ourselves the opportunity to be with or allow our emotional energy to be experienced.
The willingness to be with, to befriend our emotions and allow this energy to be experienced is key to releasing tension or stuck emotional energy that we repress on a day-to-day basis.
1. Have it your intention to be mindful of your feelings. Be genuinely interested in how you are feeling.
2. Acknowledge to yourself how you are feeling. I feel and state how you feel. It could be angry, sad, lonely, depressed, bored, frustrated, anxious, scattered, or guilty. Do not allow yourself off the hook by saying I don't know what I feel. This isn't about identifying an emotion it is about being with what you feel. It is about allowing your emotional energy to be experienced!
3. Be present with whatever you are feeling. Take a few deep mindful breaths and stay out of thinking and be with whatever feeling is present within you.
4. As you are being with your feeling, resist the urge to avoid or deny it. It is going to come as a thought like: I don't have time do this right now, I need to get back to work, or I think I will search on the internet, or I think I will call a friend or I think I will get something to eat, or I think I will read about this again and then try it tonight. These voices are trying to sabotage you so recognize this and dismiss them.
This is the uncomfortable part of this practice. Be with the feeling and be with the uncomfortable-ness and do not allow yourself to slip away into thought.
5. As you stay with the feeling, whatever is there, keep breathing into it and being present with it. Avoid the need to analyze it, judge it, find blame or negotiate with it. Stop any of the reasoning stuff and be with your feeling.
6. When the uncomfortable-ness is gone you are done. A final note to help make this effective and efficient, don't look for the payoff or reward. No agenda and no timeframe. When you let go of any expectation and incorporate this practice as a way of being open and allowing with your feelings you will experience positive progress and the transformation has begun! This is a very powerful and effective practice to begin to incorporate into your daily life a little more often. A couple of times a day for two or three minutes will provide big, huge benefits.
Our thought/behavior patterns are: 1. Generating inner tension & 2. Repressing our emotions. Sometimes we simply need to change or redirect out of our tension generating patterns/repressing activity and sometimes we need to experience or be with our feelings with no thinking involved first and then redirect into the present moment or into more open, flexible or balanced patterns.
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