Hello.
32 year old male with chronic back issues for years. Heavy lifting was always the culprit and three years ago, after two years of personal turmoil, suddenly I became much worse after some stretches. Thought that was it. MRIs and what not. I was not able to pass urine. Loss all sensation, terrible back pain, terrified of Cauda Equina Syndrome. Finally had an operation on two discs.
But..
It disn’t get better. Sure it was “better” but I healed to a certain point. And a year after my neck started. Tingling hands, arms, terrible pain on the left arm, pectorals, delts. Another round of doctor visits. Neck was fine but could it be thıracic outlet? I can see my arm is atropfiying. Fear was a constant, battling for the first place with pain.
Vertigos, stomach problems, abdominal pain, constiption, erectile problems.
After a year of unsuccessful doctor visits one say I came to understand that it was all psychological. Terrible anxiety and feeling of doom. I started antidepressants and xanax. Theraphy which concluded that I have a mild manic depression. But i didn’t seem to make that breakthrough. I was sure that I made some nerves die off due to my stressed muscles. Everyday the reversal seemed further away.
Until two weeks ago where I learned about TMS and read Dr.Sarno’s book. You’ve been all there, that incredible feeling. Feeling the weight off your shoulders. Two days after I was completely better. No symptoms. Feelings came back since it was inplausible, to have a body which kills off it’s own nerves through stressed muscles. It just did not make any sense.
I started keeping journals, ignoring my body’s reactions an focusing on emotions. My dreams started to become carhartic, replays of oast traumas. In the morning I addressed them, wrote about them and felt better. But honestly it’s been a up and down process, like the healing should be.
Now the question: I’m pretty much dealt with constant tensions. Now those episodes are far in between. I can evakuate or try to feel my emotions. But for last days I developed something else. Now when i’m thinking of ky emotions or try to connect with them I get tremors. Constant shakes like in a seizure. They don’t feel particulary uncorfortable, just weird when in company. Last night I slept on the couch in order to not to disturb my girlfriend and the episode was severe. I know it’s a step forward but I don’t know where to go from here. Still my body resists to these emotions. I know I when I focus on them my brain fog dissipates and my body unwinds through these tremors.
Am I overthinking? Did I made healing my obsession? How can I practice these “tenets” without falling into the pitfalls. I know it’s process but why does it feel like trying to find a new path after each flare-up?
Thanks a lot in advance, wishing you all the best.
32 year old male with chronic back issues for years. Heavy lifting was always the culprit and three years ago, after two years of personal turmoil, suddenly I became much worse after some stretches. Thought that was it. MRIs and what not. I was not able to pass urine. Loss all sensation, terrible back pain, terrified of Cauda Equina Syndrome. Finally had an operation on two discs.
But..
It disn’t get better. Sure it was “better” but I healed to a certain point. And a year after my neck started. Tingling hands, arms, terrible pain on the left arm, pectorals, delts. Another round of doctor visits. Neck was fine but could it be thıracic outlet? I can see my arm is atropfiying. Fear was a constant, battling for the first place with pain.
Vertigos, stomach problems, abdominal pain, constiption, erectile problems.
After a year of unsuccessful doctor visits one say I came to understand that it was all psychological. Terrible anxiety and feeling of doom. I started antidepressants and xanax. Theraphy which concluded that I have a mild manic depression. But i didn’t seem to make that breakthrough. I was sure that I made some nerves die off due to my stressed muscles. Everyday the reversal seemed further away.
Until two weeks ago where I learned about TMS and read Dr.Sarno’s book. You’ve been all there, that incredible feeling. Feeling the weight off your shoulders. Two days after I was completely better. No symptoms. Feelings came back since it was inplausible, to have a body which kills off it’s own nerves through stressed muscles. It just did not make any sense.
I started keeping journals, ignoring my body’s reactions an focusing on emotions. My dreams started to become carhartic, replays of oast traumas. In the morning I addressed them, wrote about them and felt better. But honestly it’s been a up and down process, like the healing should be.
Now the question: I’m pretty much dealt with constant tensions. Now those episodes are far in between. I can evakuate or try to feel my emotions. But for last days I developed something else. Now when i’m thinking of ky emotions or try to connect with them I get tremors. Constant shakes like in a seizure. They don’t feel particulary uncorfortable, just weird when in company. Last night I slept on the couch in order to not to disturb my girlfriend and the episode was severe. I know it’s a step forward but I don’t know where to go from here. Still my body resists to these emotions. I know I when I focus on them my brain fog dissipates and my body unwinds through these tremors.
Am I overthinking? Did I made healing my obsession? How can I practice these “tenets” without falling into the pitfalls. I know it’s process but why does it feel like trying to find a new path after each flare-up?
Thanks a lot in advance, wishing you all the best.
