Hello all. I'll try to keep it as short as possible. I discovered Dr Sarno about 3 or 4 years ago after on and off lingering lower back and referred sciatic pain for years. His words, like everyone here, struck an immediate chord with me as I saw myself on every page. Started feeling better after Healing Back Pain. Then it came back. I bought The Great Pain Deception, and Steve O's personal touch drove it home for me. Was pain free and feeling great for a solid year or so. Had a couple of small relapses here and there, as I do indeed have a lot of emotional issues still floating around up there. And my personality....not sure that will ever change. So here I am now. I am in the fire academy that I have been waiting for for years. Went into it in pretty damn good shape. We are 8 weeks in at this point. It is undoubtedly the toughest thing I ever could have imagined doing. The exhaustion is real, and I question making the drive many mornings. And then a relapse crept in. And now it is in full beast mode. Possibly the worst it has ever been in my life. I cannot sleep at night, as my calf and hamstring starts throbbing in the middle of the night when I inevitably wake up. It's horrible. I need my sleep during this time. I have given in to moving from the bed and laying on the floor to find some sort of relief. I know. That is giving right into the conditioning. I don't know what else to do though. I cannot sleep otherwise. I have corresponded with Steve O via email a couple of times in the past (he'll know who this is if he sees this thread). He tells me that people's skeletons come out at different times, and mine happen to come out full force in the middle of the night. I think he is right on. Anyway, I get through the grueling day at the academy as best as I can. I'm passing and doing what needs to be done. The pain is there during the days, and is still doing a good job of keeping my attention. Sitting down for a lecture for an hour and a half is worse than advancing a charged hoseline on a burning room. Classic TMS. When it is a weekend, like today, the pain feels worse than ever. When I have a chance to breath. It's the damnest thing. I guess I don't know what I am looking for from any of you. I just need to talk about it with people who actually understand TMS. Or anybody for that matter, as I don't really have someone right now. Which is itself more fuel for this beast. So thank you for listening, and any words are appreciated.