Day 15 Work/Home/Relationships/Bills/Confrentation

Dear Friends,

Day 15. Solid belief in my diagnosis! This past three days on and off the pain returned full force. Headaches, pressure, localized chest pains & TMJ symptoms. I didn't miss these things for the past two weeks, but somewhere my subconscious has.

Triggers: EVERYTHING! AAAHahahahahahah

That was the most eye-opening thing to witness. I have no built-in coping mechanism what-so-ever for when stress becomes overwhelming. (I wasn't going to die from these scenarios :/ ) Although I do wish that I could just meditate all day and have no responsibilities for a long long long time. Seriously just take off and become a monk.

Meditating is the only thing I want to do now. It has helped for sure. When the pain starts to flare up, I usually can tap my way out of it for the most part. However I was doing a guided tapping sequence on pain relief before work yesterday and one of the sentences to say out loud was

"Maybe part of me feels I should feel pain, maybe I think I deserve that. Maybe part of me is using it to get back at myself."

I started crying all of a sudden. I don't cry very easily. This overwhelming feeling surged through my tear ducts.

So today I am investigating that reaction to those words today. Why would I have such an emotional reaction to that? Why do I feel somewhere that I deserve to feel pain? Why is this pain a "punishment"? Even though it is serving a greater purpose, what is behind this veil of thought?

Going to ponder. Oh emotions....

Happy Tuesday,

Lauren

 

Hi Lauren, I too find it a roller coaster in terms of emotions, pain, determining triggers, dealing with triggers etc. It is overwhelming. For me the writing does (always has) help me organize my thoughts into some semblance of coherence...Day 21 brings another peak in healing...while I want to think it's an aha breakthrough cautious...
If u can I down the triggers I might help...I've got a couple at work that are the roots there and a couple at home...trauma catalyzed the repressed anger my personality type brings on
So keep reading, reading success stories, look at the pain from the TMS perspective u will be fine