I keep thinking I could fully recover if I could just get a couple of weeks with no travel, no stress, no annoyances. But I guess if I could accomplish that I would have avoided TMS in the first place. There's extra drama at work this week, lots of air travel scheduled, and much to be worried about. I'm up for the challenge, though -- I'm just impatient and there's still that nagging fear that if I can still feel a fraction of my old pain that means it can come raging back any time. I took a week off of the structured program while I was traveling on business and off my usual routine -- but I was reading The Divided Mind off and on and reviewing other materials on the TMS Wiki. Of particular value was The TMS Recovery Program. I had two 16-hour flights, which gave me a lot of time for introspection. My pain was pretty low the whole trip, but almost always there in the background -- except when I wasn't thinking about it. As I reviewed past events that may have resulted in repressed emotions, I realized I had left my brother's death off the list. I have always felt at peace about it -- he died of cancer in his 20s -- but I can definitely see my Inner Child being furious about the whole thing: the unfairness, the impact it had on his young family and my parents, the sadness when I see something he would have loved, the way my parents have lionized his memory (which sounds horribly selfish to my conscious mind but my Inner Child might see as a threat to their memory of me). I had a good cry on the plane (nice private seat, fortunately) and wrote out several paragraphs in my journal. I was half hoping my pain would flitter away right after that but it has been about the same for a couple of weeks now. I hope that 6 months from now I'll look back on this time and think, "What was I worried about? It took a few short weeks and all is well now!"