Why can’t I do it this time around?

Hi everyone,

I hope you are all well.
I’ve been here for a few years now. In 2021 I experienced my first real bout of painful bladder syndrome (IC). This lasted months. It happened again in 2023 and this is when I learned about the world of TMS and neuroplastic pain. I learned, researched and worked and managed to shift the pain. I had another short flare in 2024 and I shifted this in a few weeks using all of the techniques I had learned, not putting too much pressure on myself and just letting it be. In between then I have just been living my life and haven’t thought much about it to be honest!
Anyway - fast forward to June of this year and my pain started again. It has felt worse than ever this time around. I know what it is, I know it’s TMS but for some reason and I don’t know why, I just can’t seem to lift it. I know the fear is creeping in and I don’t know why because I understand this pain and why it is here. It has been so relentless at times that I have visited the GP and started taking amitryptiline. This too is making me feel like more of a failure because I feel I am responding in a way out of desperation. I’ve been doing all of the same techniques yet feeling the same. Something is not right in my mindset yet I can’t work out why. I recently had a week long family holiday and felt great with little symptoms (TMS) but have been suffering greatly since I returned. I don’t want to return to that world of desperate people in forums online seeking quick fixes and treatments and I can’t believe I am tempted to be back there when I felt that I fully understood this before.
Any guidance, support or just encouragement would be greatly appreciated. It’s so hard when we live in a world that pushes you to a Dr every time the pain comes back.

 

Relapse is a part of TMS for most of us. You just have to go back to the basics and realize that this time you may have to dig deeper. You mention using all the techniques you learned, but I'm not sure what those are. Can you elaborate? It will help us to be more specific in our feedback.

I personally feel it is fine to take medication to help with symptoms as long as you can maintain your belief that the cause is psychological, not physical, and continue to address as such. This can be challenging for some people.

 

Thanks for getting back to me Ellen. Initially I tried lots of emotional work such as journaling but I found the most success using techniques from Alan Gordon’s book such as somatic tracking, sending messages of safety, reinforcing positive sensations and generally just trying to get back to living life again. I also watch and listen to lots of videos and podcasts and use mindfulness on a daily basis, which I find really helps. I’m continuing to do all of this but I think I’m probably putting too much expectation, which has led to pressure.
Thanks for your feedback re the medication. I’ve really struggled with this as I feel like if I know what it is, why am I taking it. However I just cannot seem to get over this hurdle and I hope this will help me at least be able to think a bit more clearly and not be in such an anxious state.

 

I wish I could afford to see a TMS therapist but god damn, they are so bloody expensive. It’s great there is so much free resources out there, though.

 

I suggest trying the journaling again using a structured daily approach. There is a free program here called the Structured Educational Program that is quite good. There are others out there like Unlearn Your Pain by Dr. Schubiner or Nicole Sachs' Journal speak. Your symptoms have returned so I think that is a sign that you need to go deeper into the psychological issues behind your TMS.

 

Hey @ec15x
I get you. There's a lot of heavy loads in this world today. Lots of stress.
Yesterday I listened to the Steady Coach's interview with Sam Miller.
Like you Sam recovered after her initial first round with what she discovered was TMS. Then she had another round of it come her way and has since recovered again. Like you, she does somatic and emotional tracking (she does not send messages of safety mentally, she sends them through action by "getting back to life". She doesn't reinforce positive sensations - she feels ALL sensations - the ones she feels are good and also the ones she isn't as fond of , and tried her best to live life as fully as she could - which was often highly modified. She worked within the boundaries of what her nervous system could handle and kept widening that circle of what she could tolerate mentally, emotionally and physically.
I found her story really helpful and inspiring