• Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
  • Welcome to the new TMS Wiki server! Things aren't finished yet: email is not set up, so notification and password-reset emails don't go out, and new registrations are paused until email is installed. Details and updates are in this thread (click here). Locked out? Email tmswikisignups@gmail.com from the address where you receive TMS Wiki notifications.

Day 10 Who I have trouble sharing feelings with/who hurt me

C

cookie_777

Peer Supporter
Hi all,

So my pain's been good up until a couple days ago- I know what is stressing me/ I think I know. I'm still in the stressful theater program that sucks up all my days, but I've had this person in my life- a person I genuinely thought I was going to be with, reject me, and it is taking a toll on me past few days.

I've had a string of not so great relationships my whole life, and I guess because of my daddy issues (my father was an alcoholic and barely there for me) I've become afraid of abandonment and tend to see all relationships ending as a form of abandonment or failure on my part.

This last person, I thought was a genuine nice person until he yelled at me a few weeks ago and said I was so negative, and that I can't even love myself how will I love another person, or allow myself to be loved. He had never ranted to me like that before. I don't know whether to make excuses for him or to say that what he did was wrong. We spoke the next day and I told him what he said wasn't right, then a few weeks later i emailed him and said I was really hurt by what he said and was struggling not to hate him. He never responded for 2 and a half months. When he contacted me last week, we had a good conversation, i spoke to him for about two hours before telling him how I felt. His phone died, and then he didn't call back, and responded 24 hours later apologizing and saying he had a busy day. I responded and told him that what he said to me spoke to my deep seated feelings of worthlessness, and not being good enough, and that I think things would be easier if we saw each other. I haven't heard back from him in three days. I don't know what to do.

This sounds like such a silly thing to put on a TMS website, where we're all struggling with some kind of pain, but I've had this happen to me so much- people not responding to my messages, or ignoring me when I open up (I can feel my low back hurt as I say this) that I'm starting to feel really demoralized and worthless. I know some people would say 'oh leave him alone, he's not worth it, ' or 'you don't need someone like that' but I still feel shitty.

On a different note, I never express to basically everyone around me my true feelings- and generally just hope they will get the subtext. Starting with my mum and talking about how our rough childhood affected me. She usually will start blaming herself and feeling bad- but today I started talking about it, and I felt anxious letting her now how their faults affected me. What am I to do?
 
Hi, Colly. I healed from severe back pain after learning about TMS and doing the SEProgram. I discovered I had been repressing abandonment and other emotions since my parents divorced when I was seven. Journaling helped me to put myself in their shoes and I came to realize they were under a great deal of stress from financial difficulties. If you reflect on why you have issues with your mother, it could help you to understand her better. My journaling led me to forgive both of my parents and that healed me.

About that fellow not calling you for months, he may have just not wanted to, out of any number of reasons.
It wasn't very nice of him to keep you hanging, but you might just write off that relationship. A better one lies ahead of you. Believe it. Be positive about these issues and confident that TMS will heal you.
 
Hi Cookie,

I am seeing you assert yourself --how you feel, what you want, etc., both with the friend and your mum. This is refuting your older patterns and is wonderful, and also difficult for any of us. I hope you understand that changing patterns challenges the familiar self-images, and self-contact which the old patterns keep going. The old patterns are your "comfort place" even though they do not feel that way. This the "familiar suffering" we do in order to not feel the deeper wounds. I call our typical patterns of relating---- victomhood, self-criticism, resentment of others, wanting others to 'know how I feel' "Suffering Lite." It is Lite, because it is a distraction from the deeper feelings, which we don't want to feel.

When you challenge the patterns, as I see you are doing, there is a sense of not being safe, or lost, or not having contact with the "other," which is naturally scary. Hang out with these new sensations when you speak your truth. You will learn to be more, and feel more, and offer more to others in time. This is the journey of your soul to be more, to expand. To dismiss what does not serve you. Wishing you the best!

Andy B
 
Andy B said:
Hi Cookie,

I am seeing you assert yourself --how you feel, what you want, etc., both with the friend and your mum. This is refuting your older patterns and is wonderful, and also difficult for any of us. I hope you understand that changing patterns challenges the familiar self-images, and self-contact which the old patterns keep going. The old patterns are your "comfort place" even though they do not feel that way. This the "familiar suffering" we do in order to not feel the deeper wounds. I call our typical patterns of relating---- victomhood, self-criticism, resentment of others, wanting others to 'know how I feel' "Suffering Lite." It is Lite, because it is a distraction from the deeper feelings, which we don't want to feel.

When you challenge the patterns, as I see you are doing, there is a sense of not being safe, or lost, or not having contact with the "other," which is naturally scary. Hang out with these new sensations when you speak your truth. You will learn to be more, and feel more, and offer more to others in time. This is the journey of your soul to be more, to expand. To dismiss what does not serve you. Wishing you the best!

Andy B
Click to expand...

What Kind uplifting words Andy! Thank you
 
Walt Oleksy said:
Hi, Colly. I healed from severe back pain after learning about TMS and doing the SEProgram. I discovered I had been repressing abandonment and other emotions since my parents divorced when I was seven. Journaling helped me to put myself in their shoes and I came to realize they were under a great deal of stress from financial difficulties. If you reflect on why you have issues with your mother, it could help you to understand her better. My journaling led me to forgive both of my parents and that healed me.

About that fellow not calling you for months, he may have just not wanted to, out of any number of reasons.
It wasn't very nice of him to keep you hanging, but you might just write off that relationship. A better one lies ahead of you. Believe it. Be positive about these issues and confident that TMS will heal you.
Click to expand...

You always have inspiring words. I will continue to try my best to believe
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top