This is day 1 of the Structured Educational Program. I accept the diagnosis of TMS 100%, although I do feel worrisome and anxious about my ability create the change I seek. Since reading The Mindbody Prescription I have experienced moments of zero or minimal pain for the first time in months, but I'm not always able to be senior to my unconscious mind. I play drums for a living and my band and I are about to embark on a 3 week tour across the western United States, which is something we do very often. Tours are usually a source of great anxiety for me since my band mates are usually pretty lazy when it comes to organization and responsibility. Little things like making sure we have a place to stay prior to 2am the night of the gig are not usually solidified. I received a great massage yesterday and woke up feeling great, until I started checking into our lodging situations for some of the upcoming stops. The answer I received was that we have leads in a lot of places but no confirmations. My band mates like to assume everything will work out and are fine with sleeping in the van if not, which I'm not a big fan of. Combine that with a guitarist who loses his keys/wallet/cell phone every 20 minutes and has no problem spending $80 on cocaine but refuses to spend $15 on a guitar tuner. I basically end up being the parent to 2 30 year old teenagers on the road. I'm to the point where I'm about ready to quit the band because I'm tired of dealing with their bullshit and I'm tired of the physical pain that accompanies touring non-stop. The problem is that this is a band I've always wanted to play with. They've been together for 10 years with a different drummer and it was always a dream to get a chance to play with them. Then about 2 years ago, the old drummer got married and quit. I joined the band and quickly realized that things looked different from within the group. I love that I'm able to make a living playing music with a band I really enjoy playing with, but I feel guilty for also hating it so much. I'm ready to jump to something better if and when it comes along, but until then, this is how I make a living. It wouldn't be so bad if my body didn't hurt all the time and from what I've learned via Dr. Sarno and this website, my body wouldn't hurt so much if I wasn't dealing with this stuff all the time. So do I have to quit the band to see a reduction in symptoms? I also live with the guitarist with his mom and another professional touring musician is his 30's. It's a pretty dysfunctional house, which I recognize and am taking steps to remove myself from. But it's hard because rent is cheap and it allows me to tour and play full time, where as my rent would double or maybe even triple if I were to get my own place (although that is a price I'm will to pay if it means being pain free). I think it would be easy to say the pain is all caused by the band, but the pain started 6 months before I joined. At that time I was putting a lot of pressure on myself to practice at least an hour everyday and I was also doing a lot of sub gigs. Band leaders would give me CD's of their material on a Monday and I would have to chart out the songs and practice them on my own and go play the gig on Saturday with no rehearsal with the full band. I recognize that my self talk and the amount of pressure I would put on myself to do good and play well was probably the source of my TMS symptoms. I started counseling 2 weeks ago along with picking up side work in an attempt to make some money on the side to help pay off bills and save up for a new place, but realistically, it probably won't be until January or later before I can make that a reality. I am committed to this program and dealing with the mental/emotional side of things instead of being distracted by the physical symptoms. I am very thankful for this website and all the insight and support offered. Just being able to write all this down in a public forum is healing.