Day 42 What's the difference between avoiding something and emotional suppression

[HealingMe]

Yes ! The container method is used in EMDR. The key is to follow through on going back to the things in the container and dealing with them. If you don't follow through, your subconscious will realize that it's just another way of avoiding emotions.

Question for you both. Do you write down what you put in your container? I can be forgetful sometimes so I like to put things in my notes app on my phone. @BloodMoon

 

[dlane2530]

You can do this but then you should actually put it away somewhere. In a drawer or box!
Usually I just visualize.

 

[BloodMoon]

Question for you both. Do you write down what you put in your container? I can be forgetful sometimes so I like to put things in my notes app on my phone. @BloodMoon

No, I've not needed to do that because, so far, the visualising of putting the issues in a box has helped me remember them all. However, I can't see that making a note on your app would be anything other than a help, that is, if you make a note on your app after you've done the short visualisation first. I say this because the temptation would possibly be to not bother to do the visualisation and the visualisation is good because it means that really difficult issues are safely contained and can be pulled out of the box in bite size chunks if, or in case, they might be overwhelming. (I don't know what the view of this would be in the context of EMDR though as I've never done EMDR.)

 

[HealingMe]

I will have to try this, thank you both.

 

[Ellen]

Thank you. I think being home with my children for all the hours of the day is challenging for me in terms of TMS because my father burdened me with all of his emotions with no consideration for my wellbeing. Then he walked away from the emotion, leaving me to carry it and care for him. I don't want to do thatto my children -- but have not yet found a healthy way of handling my emotions while with them (most of the time). I do try to talk to them about it in an age-appropriate way...still far to go, though. I treat my emotions as dangerous *to my children* and so I repress them.

I think these are very important realizations in terms of recovering from TMS. It's finding these early patterns of hurt and discovering how the coping patterns we developed at the time are no longer serving us. It was the best we could do as children, but as adults these patterns don't work well anymore.

 

[dlane2530]

It's finding these early patterns of hurt and discovering how the coping patterns we developed at the time are no longer serving us.

So often the pendulum must swing this way between generations. I was emotionally abused, and in my effort to stop that cycle I become emotionally unavailable!

 

[Cactusflower]

I don't use the container method, although I went through EMDR therapy. Because TMS programs such as journaling, the SEP (and other similar programs), and mindfulness teach us to be OK with emotions and the sensations of emotions in the immediate, or to use journaling and other means of self-expression, my therapist bypassed using this method. We talked about the TMS work I had done, and she felt that we learn so much awareness in this method that the container method isn't necessary. So keep in mind that you may find that there are differences for you blending methods and it's OK if something doesn't work for you - something else will.

 

[dlane2530]

I agree with @Cactusflower . Like so many of these things some tools are more effective for some people than others. The container works well for some but is not something I use much myself.

 

[Majihope]

I read these comments above and subsequently I came across something called 'The Container Method' which I've started using. Because I visualise putting the incident or issue that I want to deal with in a box to open up later on, I don't forget to do so and don't forget exactly what the issue was. This is what perplexity.ai says about the The Container Method which I gather is usually mainly used to process stuff that can feel overwhelming to deal with all in one go, but I'm also finding it good for when I'm not in a position to work through stuff because I've got to get on with other things at the time:

"How the Container Method Works

• Visualization: You imagine a secure, strong container-such as a box, safe, vault, or any object that feels protective to you. The details are up to you: its size, color, material, and location should all feel right for your needs.
• Placing Distress Inside: You mentally place distressing thoughts, emotions, memories, or sensations into this container. You might do this by visualizing the items being moved into the container and then securely closing it.
• Temporary Storage: The container is not for permanent avoidance, but for temporarily setting aside overwhelming material until you are in a safe, supportive environment (like a therapy session) to process it.
• Regaining Control: This method helps you feel more in control of your emotions, reduces overwhelm, and allows you to function day-to-day without being flooded by distress.
• Returning to the Container: If distressing material resurfaces, you can visualize placing it back in the container as often as needed until you’re ready to address it.

Why Use the Container Method?

• Emotional Regulation: It helps you stay within your “window of tolerance,” so you’re not overwhelmed or shut down by difficult emotions.
• Healthy Compartmentalization: Unlike bottling up or suppressing emotions, the container method acknowledges the feelings and sets them aside intentionally, with the plan to revisit and process them later.
• Transition Tool: It can be especially helpful at the end of therapy sessions or after triggering events, providing a mindful way to shift back into daily life.

Important Considerations

• The container method is a temporary coping strategy, not a substitute for working through emotions in the long term.
• Over-reliance on this method without processing the stored emotions can lead to “emotional hoarding,” where unaddressed feelings accumulate and cause further distress.
• The goal is to build up the skills and support needed to eventually process what’s in the container, not to keep it locked away forever.

In summary:
The container method provides a safe, temporary way to manage overwhelming emotions by visualizing them being placed in a secure mental “container” until you are ready to process them in a healthy, supported way."

Thanks for sharing this tool !