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Alan has completed the new Pain Recovery Program. To read or share it, use this updated link: https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/painrecovery/
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- Thread starter shadowson
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Cactusflower
Beloved Grand Eagle
Shadowson, I can’t remember if you tried therapy? EMDR has been helpful for me. It did not treat my pain symptoms but it helped me immensely with the ability to become more vulnerable, to stop focusing on symptoms as much and become more hopeful and optimistic (and way less anxiety). The change in mindset is absolutely what has been helping change the physical symptoms. It’s been more than 2 years but I stopped the fixing, urgency and a lot of the fear and frustration which has helped me with other emotions and personality traits. The therapist suggested that her patients often respond well to Riki because of the slight “almost” hands on approach and the discussions on allowing energy - the weight of purely emotional discussions is approached in a lighter manner. Somehow it helps their brains deal with the heavy crap and they can go deeper my themselves when they are ready.
I suspect you are just dealing with a very resistant brain. The frustration, timeline focus, fixing obsession are just TMS mindset symptoms. Once they are put at least partially to rest it’s easier to see progress.
I suspect you are just dealing with a very resistant brain. The frustration, timeline focus, fixing obsession are just TMS mindset symptoms. Once they are put at least partially to rest it’s easier to see progress.
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shadowson
Peer Supporter
Hi
Yes I’ve had plenty of therapy thanks.
I’ve seen 3 x SIRPA therapists including a hypnotherapist.
2 x TMS therapists
An energy / alignment healer
several counsellors
Last night I went to see an OldPain2Go practitioner. You won’t be surprised to hear it didn’t work. £100 lighter. Although there were some positives in it helped to highlight how rampant my mind is. I’m literally NEVER relaxed.
A few of the therapists tell me “I’m not ready to heal” - a cop out if you ask me
I’ve never tried Reiki, I’d give it a go. I’ll try anything. Even Class A drugs I’ll try them too.
EMDR I made some enquiries actually a while ago.
Do I keep throwing money at the wall?
I know my symptoms are a mind body issue (except my shoulder I’m not convinced)
But I’ve almost lost hope that the mindbody approach will make me better, following years of no success.
What about meditation, have you tried it and given it a really good go? At least it costs nothing. I believe it took quite a while for @TG957 to respond to meditation, but it eventually worked for her when the other numerous things she tried hadn't... if you're interested, see her YouTube video on this thread at 23min 47sec in, re how she meditated https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/tired-as-i-progess.28307/#post-147318 (Tired as I progess)
Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
Have you tried journaling? I didn’t see it in your list. Check out Nichole Sachs. She has a book, a podcast and a website. She has healed thousands of hard cases with her process. It’s not gentle journaling. You really get ugly with it. It actually feels good. It’s called journalspeak. If you go to her podcasts, start at the beginning. You don’t need a counselor for this. It’s free.
Have you tried the free courses in this website? They are aiding in healing people: The Structured Educational Program and the Pain Recovery Program.
The thing is, counselors help, but ultimately you are the only one who can do the work. You have to be willing to look at some really hard things about yourself and whatever happened to you. Maybe you aren’t opening up or you aren’t ready to? It’s painful. I know, because I’ve been doing some really hard therapy for a few years now. I expected it to help right away. But I guess I’ve got more to go.
There’s a lady active on this website, Tamara Gurin @TG957 who has written a book that tells her long difficult story to recovery. Last night in an interview I listened to, (recommended above by @BloodMoon, which was great by the way and worth listening to) Tamara said she was just too stubborn to give up. She just kept trying different things over and over until she found what worked for her.
Listen, I relate so much to you! My heart goes out to you. You are probably feeling forsaken and you’re even angry this is happening. Why you?! I get it. I feel at the edge of hopeless so often. I have tried SO many things. But I’m not going to give up. I’m going to keep trying no matter how long it takes, no matter what amount of work it takes. And in the meantime, I’m going to try and share anything—even the smallest thing as I go along—with others who suffer. In this way, maybe my suffering won’t be in vain. That gives me joy. That makes the journey easier.
You could be a big help here. You have been through so much. When you get your recovery, you will have an amazing story of success to share and give others courage.
Resist the urge to feel sorry for yourself. I have it almost daily. A lot of people on this wiki have success stories, but only partial recovery. They are warriors every day. They aren’t giving up.
I know you’ve said you believe in God. Pray! Pray to God to lift this hopelessness from you. Pray to him for strength. Ask him the next step for you. Don’t give up! You can do this. I will pray for you,too.
Have you tried the free courses in this website? They are aiding in healing people: The Structured Educational Program and the Pain Recovery Program.
The thing is, counselors help, but ultimately you are the only one who can do the work. You have to be willing to look at some really hard things about yourself and whatever happened to you. Maybe you aren’t opening up or you aren’t ready to? It’s painful. I know, because I’ve been doing some really hard therapy for a few years now. I expected it to help right away. But I guess I’ve got more to go.
This is a huge driver of TMS. Claire Weekes and Dan Buglio are experts in this area. It took Dan Buglio 13 years to get better. Claire has a book and Dan has a website PAinFreeYou with free resources galore and daily videos on YouTube. Both are hugely influential in healing anxiety and TMS. Never being relaxed is a form of anxiety. I have this too.
There’s a lady active on this website, Tamara Gurin @TG957 who has written a book that tells her long difficult story to recovery. Last night in an interview I listened to, (recommended above by @BloodMoon, which was great by the way and worth listening to) Tamara said she was just too stubborn to give up. She just kept trying different things over and over until she found what worked for her.
Listen, I relate so much to you! My heart goes out to you. You are probably feeling forsaken and you’re even angry this is happening. Why you?! I get it. I feel at the edge of hopeless so often. I have tried SO many things. But I’m not going to give up. I’m going to keep trying no matter how long it takes, no matter what amount of work it takes. And in the meantime, I’m going to try and share anything—even the smallest thing as I go along—with others who suffer. In this way, maybe my suffering won’t be in vain. That gives me joy. That makes the journey easier.
You could be a big help here. You have been through so much. When you get your recovery, you will have an amazing story of success to share and give others courage.
Resist the urge to feel sorry for yourself. I have it almost daily. A lot of people on this wiki have success stories, but only partial recovery. They are warriors every day. They aren’t giving up.
I know you’ve said you believe in God. Pray! Pray to God to lift this hopelessness from you. Pray to him for strength. Ask him the next step for you. Don’t give up! You can do this. I will pray for you,too.
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Cactusflower
Beloved Grand Eagle
So you are going to see these people once and expecting them to magically cure you?
That is not working with them. That’s getting a consult. So in that case, yes. I believe you are not showing the mindset or commitment to heal yourself. Your brain is just super resistant because you’ve been through so much.
How long did you see therapists for? A few visits or for months or even years? Did they understand chronic pain and the mind/body connection? This can be key. Note that that therapy may not help your symptoms as much as it will help you process and move through the anger and rage so that you, yourself can do the TMS work (like following and completing a free self-guided program and then continue applying what you learned over a lifetime).
Why are you so resentful at “throwing money” at yourself? Why aren’t you worth it? Have you ever been able to take a step outside of all your current notions or thoughts about yourself and been able to look at them a different way?
Why did you look into EMDR and stop the process? What are you afraid of?
How does your judging yourself as a “lack of success” make you feel, in your physical body? (Rhetorical question). Have you ever thought that your mind somehow is convinced it is safer to be stuck thinking it’s somehow failing instead of being able to see any kind of success at all, no matter how incremental? Or is it stuck on thinking that you must miraculously heal in a second like some kind of magic spell? That’s not trite: for a long time I desired this until with compassion I could see that I was stuck being afraid of.. myself!
You need to find a way to process some of your anger and move beyond it. That doesn’t mean it’s not valid, and it doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be there.. it just means you need to allow yourself to physically feel it and let it flow through you.
My physio suggested getting a punching bag and setting it up in the garage and beating the crap out of it as a way to both get exercise and process emotions at the same time. My husband does this by running 5-10k daily… whatever works.
I know in the past you’ve said you feel you are doing TMS work, but you haven’t found what works for you, individually yet. Part of this is really understanding that when you see therapists etc for a committed length of time the will help you open your mind to possibilities for you to heal yourself, they can’t do it for you. The methods and support they offer are simply tools to try (as are the free programs) but your mind/brain must be able to accept this help and process.
JanAtheCPA
Beloved Grand Eagle
Edit: writing this while @Cactusflower wrote too. There may be overlaps.
What you've never experienced, @shadowson, is emotional vulnerability, because emotional vulnerability is too terrifying for your childhood traumatized brain.
You admitted yourself in a previous thread that you minimize your childhood abuse. In spite of three YES answers to the ACEs questions, which is significant.
Instead, you've latched on to victimhood. Victimhood is a satisfying role for the victim of trauma, but in the long term it is deadly for relationships, careers and, obviously, for recovery.
It would take a highly skilled therapeutic professional a LONG time working with you to get through the many layers of resistance that were built up during the years you suffered emotionally when you were a small child.
Until and unless you can literally relive that time and make yourself totally vulnerable to the emotions that had to be locked away in order to merely survive, you will not recover the way you deserve to.
It might take the same amount of years in therapy as the number of years you suffered the trauma.
The chances of this taking place are slim because your traumatized brain rejects every therapist very early. Your brain has convinced you to see them as useless and a waste of money if they can't fix you right away. Even if you're not the one who ends the relationship, they see you, and they are ready to move on to someone who appreciates the work and who will benefit from it. This is why they say you aren't ready to heal. It's not a cop out, it's the tragic truth.
We say that "you" aren't ready to heal, but the real problem is that you are being entirely controlled by your locked-down traumatized brain.
You are not alone. We see this all the time in the victims of childhood abuse. The ones who break through and find freedom are the ones who are willing to experience the terror of emotional vulnerability as I mentioned at the start. Generally speaking, more women than men are able to achieve this. @Ellen is one such success story, and currently @Diana-M is achieving emotional breakthroughs right and left. There was a recent Success Story by someone whose name escapes me but I will post it shortly.
I truly don't know what it's going to take for you @shadowson. Maybe you just need to find a way to make peace with this hard truth and find a way to live your life in spite of it.
What you've never experienced, @shadowson, is emotional vulnerability, because emotional vulnerability is too terrifying for your childhood traumatized brain.
You admitted yourself in a previous thread that you minimize your childhood abuse. In spite of three YES answers to the ACEs questions, which is significant.
Instead, you've latched on to victimhood. Victimhood is a satisfying role for the victim of trauma, but in the long term it is deadly for relationships, careers and, obviously, for recovery.
It would take a highly skilled therapeutic professional a LONG time working with you to get through the many layers of resistance that were built up during the years you suffered emotionally when you were a small child.
Until and unless you can literally relive that time and make yourself totally vulnerable to the emotions that had to be locked away in order to merely survive, you will not recover the way you deserve to.
It might take the same amount of years in therapy as the number of years you suffered the trauma.
The chances of this taking place are slim because your traumatized brain rejects every therapist very early. Your brain has convinced you to see them as useless and a waste of money if they can't fix you right away. Even if you're not the one who ends the relationship, they see you, and they are ready to move on to someone who appreciates the work and who will benefit from it. This is why they say you aren't ready to heal. It's not a cop out, it's the tragic truth.
We say that "you" aren't ready to heal, but the real problem is that you are being entirely controlled by your locked-down traumatized brain.
You are not alone. We see this all the time in the victims of childhood abuse. The ones who break through and find freedom are the ones who are willing to experience the terror of emotional vulnerability as I mentioned at the start. Generally speaking, more women than men are able to achieve this. @Ellen is one such success story, and currently @Diana-M is achieving emotional breakthroughs right and left. There was a recent Success Story by someone whose name escapes me but I will post it shortly.
I truly don't know what it's going to take for you @shadowson. Maybe you just need to find a way to make peace with this hard truth and find a way to live your life in spite of it.
JanAtheCPA
Beloved Grand Eagle
This is the thread with @Joima's Success Story. She talks about the value of Internal Family Systems therapy and she and @Diana-M discuss some of the premise and value of that therapy for childhood victims of abuse.
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/success-story-cfs-hip-pain-mri-labral-tear-fai-ibs-insomnia-eczema-tooth-pain-many-others.28260/ (Success story: CFS, Hip pain, MRI labral tear, FAI, IBS, Insomnia, eczema, tooth pain & many others)
https://www.tmswiki.org/forum/threads/success-story-cfs-hip-pain-mri-labral-tear-fai-ibs-insomnia-eczema-tooth-pain-many-others.28260/ (Success story: CFS, Hip pain, MRI labral tear, FAI, IBS, Insomnia, eczema, tooth pain & many others)
shadowson
Peer Supporter
Excellent, thanks for posting this link. Yes I’ve done loads of meditation but I do think it helps a bit. It’s difficult as a Dad of 2 with a 40-50 hour work week to find time and also to say to the wife “here, look after the children, I’m off meditating”
Maybe 'on the go' meditation would chime with your circumstances. I meditate as I'm doing things using the tips on how to do that from this book (the author is a runner and does mindfulness meditation as she runs but, as she says in the book, the same techniques that she uses for that can also be used while you're just going about your day) https://www.amazon.co.uk/Make-Every...OtIKxzKKl2q-TVftVso4_pY&qid=1718178532&sr=8-2
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shadowson
Peer Supporter
Hi
Yes I’ve done lots of journaling and followed the Nicole Sachs style. It made no difference to pain and symptoms.
I’ve done the SEP too. Couldn’t find the other course on this site.
Also yes I’ve seen all the Dan Buglio videos. I’m a TMS encyclopaedia but without the healing part.
I have improved a bit though and would like to revisit journaling
Thank you for all your suggestions, it’s appreciated.
shadowson
Peer Supporter
Where did I say I’d only seen the therapists once?
I saw hypno TMS therapist 4 or 5 times
4 or 5 with a SIRPA therapist
3 with another
5 with an energy healer
etc
Not sure why you think I’m resentful at throwing at money at it because I’ve thrown £1000-£2000 at it? Probably more.
EMDR just didn’t fill me with any confidence. I’ve tried everything else and wasted money. I have a family to feed. I’m happy to try it but it’s probably just another waste.
Anyway, thanks for your help.
Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
Shadowson, That’s so sad! I hope you get a breakthrough one of these days soon! The other course is called The Pain Recovery Program. It has very short easy lessons with funny videos. I liked it a lot and learned some things about TMS that I didn’t know. Maybe it will help you. Take care and don’t give up the fight!
Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
I’m so glad you have improved a bit. This is a victory! Same with me. Not much improvement (yet) and what seems to make anything happen is journaling.
Ellen
Beloved Grand Eagle
I think you should do what @JTinLA said below:
When I cured myself of Chronic Pain before (I'm back after 17 years)...I remember the "FINAL THOUGHT" to my TMS right before it left.
It was essentially "What if you live like this for the rest of your life?" It was the only question I hadn't asked, and the scariest question I had ever asked.
I faced myself with the choice. I basically told myself, I will go on no matter what. And I will do everything as if I don't have it. Every minute I would live as if TMS is coming along for the ride. No matter what.
It was basically "You're stuck with me, because I can't do this anymore"
This was after 2 months of Million dollar machines stretching my spine and daily massage therapy in a clinic, that I paid $15,000 for. Ending with both Doctors telling me there is nothing more they can do.
I walked out my front door that night and went jogging for the first time in 4 years. TMS fizzled out in about 2 months and it left for 17 years.
That worked for me. The finality of saying that I'm just gonna move on. And telling it, " I see you...I know what you are...but we're going to__________________so you can do what you want"
Now that I am back here....I'm thinking I need to relearn that mindset. Getting there is hard. We don't want to let go. The pain and the AWARENESS of it serves a purpose.
It's really up to each individual to find what the purpose is. And I think that can only be achieved with brutal honesty.
I know that this time, myself, I'm gonna have to get to the point of ultimate letting go, because that was the only thing that worked.
When I cured myself of Chronic Pain before (I'm back after 17 years)...I remember the "FINAL THOUGHT" to my TMS right before it left.
It was essentially "What if you live like this for the rest of your life?" It was the only question I hadn't asked, and the scariest question I had ever asked.
I faced myself with the choice. I basically told myself, I will go on no matter what. And I will do everything as if I don't have it. Every minute I would live as if TMS is coming along for the ride. No matter what.
It was basically "You're stuck with me, because I can't do this anymore"
This was after 2 months of Million dollar machines stretching my spine and daily massage therapy in a clinic, that I paid $15,000 for. Ending with both Doctors telling me there is nothing more they can do.
I walked out my front door that night and went jogging for the first time in 4 years. TMS fizzled out in about 2 months and it left for 17 years.
That worked for me. The finality of saying that I'm just gonna move on. And telling it, " I see you...I know what you are...but we're going to__________________so you can do what you want"
Now that I am back here....I'm thinking I need to relearn that mindset. Getting there is hard. We don't want to let go. The pain and the AWARENESS of it serves a purpose.
It's really up to each individual to find what the purpose is. And I think that can only be achieved with brutal honesty.
I know that this time, myself, I'm gonna have to get to the point of ultimate letting go, because that was the only thing that worked.
Diana-M
Beloved Grand Eagle
Yes! Thank you for this!
shadowson
Peer Supporter
Thanks, I’ll have a look at it. I must admit at this moment I’ve lost all hope for healing and just feel completely depressed. 10-15 years of pain and symptoms, I just feel like my life has withered away. I should have achieved so much more.
shadowson
Peer Supporter
Well I pray you get some results. I’m not the best person to interact with because I have no hope, belief or confidence at this time so keep communicating with the positive people on this site. Good luck.