What next?

[shadowson]

I think you should do what @JTinLA said below:

When I cured myself of Chronic Pain before (I'm back after 17 years)...I remember the "FINAL THOUGHT" to my TMS right before it left.

It was essentially "What if you live like this for the rest of your life?" It was the only question I hadn't asked, and the scariest question I had ever asked.

I faced myself with the choice. I basically told myself, I will go on no matter what. And I will do everything as if I don't have it. Every minute I would live as if TMS is coming along for the ride. No matter what.

It was basically "You're stuck with me, because I can't do this anymore"

This was after 2 months of Million dollar machines stretching my spine and daily massage therapy in a clinic, that I paid $15,000 for. Ending with both Doctors telling me there is nothing more they can do.

I walked out my front door that night and went jogging for the first time in 4 years. TMS fizzled out in about 2 months and it left for 17 years.

That worked for me. The finality of saying that I'm just gonna move on. And telling it, " I see you...I know what you are...but we're going to__________________so you can do what you want"

Now that I am back here....I'm thinking I need to relearn that mindset. Getting there is hard. We don't want to let go. The pain and the AWARENESS of it serves a purpose.

It's really up to each individual to find what the purpose is. And I think that can only be achieved with brutal honesty.

I know that this time, myself, I'm gonna have to get to the point of ultimate letting go, because that was the only thing that worked.

Hi, thanks for commenting

Although I don’t quite understand what she’s saying to be honest.

That she basically accepted the pain was there and got on with her life anyway?

I’ve been doing that for years without success…

currently I’m just trying hard to accept the pain and symptoms because I’m being sucked into a pit of misery and depression at the minute.

I do this thing where I’ll be filled hope for a few weeks/months. Then nothing works and I feel like jumping off a cliff.

if I didn’t have children I probably would have by now.

 

[Cactusflower]

Accepting and moving on would not add depression and misery which is mental suffering. That is exactly the part she got passed, even though symptoms continued.
It is exactly where I am at.
I have symptoms but 99% of the time, I do not have mental suffering anymore and that is exactly what doing the TMS work is about.I don’t think this will be easy for you until you are able to work through some of the conscious anger you are dealing with. It’s really just another defense mechanism, it’s like a block. So is the defeatism and victimization I read in your last post that you might have ended your life if it was not for the children.
I’ve been there, and this screams of much, much more than physical pain. You are absolutely worth seeking more help. It’s not a weakness or giving in to TMS to get that help. It is self-empowering, taking control, and being strong enough to get help when you need it, over a period and maybe an extended period of time. I found an EMDR therapist (after much searching) who would take me every 2nd week for $100 and I saw her for 10 months. It was absolutely worth it. I still felt I was having more “bad” emotional days than I wanted when our sessions ended, but this is normal. Within a month my brain had sort of dealt with the work and I was so much better. Symptoms remained but suffering ended. At one point I too could not fathom how that would impact me, but I just took a leap of faith that this is how it “works.

 

[Ellen]

Hi, thanks for commenting

Although I don’t quite understand what she’s saying to be honest.

That she basically accepted the pain was there and got on with her life anyway?

I’ve been doing that for years without success…

currently I’m just trying hard to accept the pain and symptoms because I’m being sucked into a pit of misery and depression at the minute.

I do this thing where I’ll be filled hope for a few weeks/months. Then nothing works and I feel like jumping off a cliff.

if I didn’t have children I probably would have by now.

First, I just want to affirm that the OP was from @JTinLA . I probably should have linked to it instead of copy/paste. If he is willing, he can explain what he meant best.

But my understanding is that he stopped the internal dialogue in his head that is a script of victimhood. This is a big part of TMS in my experience. It's the concept that this horrible, unfair thing (TMS symptom) is happening to me, when the reality is that we are creating it ourselves. Once we fully accept that we are doing this to ourselves, we are empowered to change.

There is a lot of victimhood in your posts. I understand this, as I was there. You are angry about having TMS, which is also understandable. I was there. You will find much relief when you can give this up. Just let it go. It is undermining your life.