Day 15 What I've Learned So Far...

[Ines]

I'm taking my time through the SEP. Day 15 so far and I thought I'd take time to post how it's been going so far. It's been about a month.. I'm working on the SEP because of migraines & anxiety.

Things I've noticed so far:

• I wish journaling helped me more. I've long known what problems in my life caused me migraines. When I listen to my intuition and soul it lets me know. Journaling about it doesn't seem to be helping as I think about those things often anyway. I'll keep doing it but so far I wish it helped me progress more. I think the problem is that I need to take some action about certain things but I'm too tired and trying to find the fine line of doing things and putting pressure on myself is what I need to figure out.

• My anger is always delayed. I've been paying attention to confrontations and stressful or awkward situations in day to day life and I noticed that if I am in an awkward situation I am very nice and calm even though inside I start red flagging "this isn't right, why are they saying that, it's not fair." Instead of getting upset then and there, I smile and even if I try to be angry I cannot. It's like I freeze. But.. I will be angry a few days later and will not stop thinking about it.

• I never realized how much pressure I put on myself and even my family. My poor husband.

• I learning to relax and trying to let go. Letting go is harder than it sounds.

• I'm too much of a busy body. I've really been trying to slow down, especially in the morning. I'm always trying to fit in so many errands and chores. I've really given up on about 50% of my daily tasks and when I find myself stressing because I want to fit in an errand I purposefully do not do it and just relax and breathe instead.

• Pandora Comedy Radio is pretty funny.

• I've read the TMS Wiki forum posts for hours at this point and I've never come across a more intelligent bunch of people. I haven't read one negative post so far. Everyone is really helpful and insightful. I respect everybody here so much.

Pain Progress So Far...

My migraines have definitely lessened. I'd say about 25-30% at least. Some days I can make them go away just by reading the books or this forum. Some days though, like today, they are relentless. My brain is definitely trying to get it's way. It's really obvious to me now.
I still have the low grade sensation of one coming on at all times. It moves around so much more though now and I know my brain wants me to pay attention to it.
I now know that food or exercise or even hormones don't cause them. I don't obsess about trying to find the cause of them anymore and my anxiety is 90% gone. That is really huge for me because I was in a constant panic and fear cycle. I would get anxiety over the silliest things (not funny at the time though).

The Road Ahead...

I'm doing the best I can and when I'm ready I'd still like to add in some mediation throughout the day. I can see progress just from trying to slow down and be more mindful so I know it will help. I need to let go even more because I worry about everyone and everything.
I'm trying the best I can to think psychologically but it doesn't always work. Even when I know what it is it doesn't mean it makes my migraine go away. For instance, my son's knee has been bothering him for 3 months. I'm really concerned because he has been taking advil and I feel so bad for him. Today was his knee specialist appointment and after reading about all this TMS I just am irked going into an orthopedic specialist's office. It's no coincidence I woke up with a migraine. I tried my best to think about my emotions, read some books, drank water... nothing. So, even though I knew what was bothering me it still progressed. I'm not sure what to think about that. I guess there are good days and bad days.

Anyhow, just thought I'd post my progress so far. Thanks for reading my post and thanks for any input. Have a good evening. : )

 

[birdsetfree]

Perhaps someone from your childhood put a lot of pressure on you, someone important to you? That might be something that comes out in the journaling as you progress. I say that because in your post you are putting a lot of pressure on yourself to do this, do that, even though you seem to be coming to that realisation!

I think you are doing wonderfully. You have had a good reduction in symptoms and have really started to look at where you need to change things in your life so that you are looking after yourself.

As far as being stressed about your son's knee and seeing a specialist, I can see how that would be a trigger for you so don't worry that the pain came, this is where you can practice outcome independence. In every situation where you know you will be triggered you have to tools to deal with them, learn what works for you in those moments. For me it may be determination to do what I want to do any way, staying calm by reassuring myself that its just my own mind causing the symptoms, and relaxing my muscles. Over time you will desensitise yourself to these triggers.

 

[Gigi]

Congrats on your progress--and many insights, Ines. I, too, have found journaling difficult, but I do go back and refer to the journal I used when working through the SEP. If nothing else, it makes me grateful for my recovery.

 

[Ines]

Thank you bridsetfree & Gigi! : ) I have to look up outcome independence because that is the 2nd time I've heard it. You are right about pressure during childhood but I put that pressure on myself. I'm looking forward to journaling today actually. Thank you guys. Have a good day..