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What is up with me this week?

Moose

Moose

Peer Supporter
I don't know why, but I've been feeling really unhappy and oddly stressed the last couple of days. Physically I've just been feeling kind of anxious and agitated, and I can't get to sleep at night. I've been trying to think psychologically and work out why, all I can come up with is that there are a few minor-ish stresses that are getting at me this week, in particular I'm feeling obligated to do a couple of (minor) things I don't really want to, and I had a dance lesson for the first time in a year and I felt kind of embarrassed at how bad I've become. But these seem like minor blips.

As a result of journalling and working through the TMS recovery program, I've been feeling a lot of resentment for my family, and I wonder if this is the cause. However, that's something I've been dealing with for a couple of weeks, rather than just the last 2 days so it seems a bit odd that it would only affect me now.

My pain level has gone up a bit too, which I'm not too worried about because I'm fairly sure that once I feel a bit happier and more settled, that will settle as well. Anyway, I just wondered if anyone had any advice for working through feelings like this when you don't know what the cause is or how to feel better.

Cheers,
Moose
 
Moose... I'm sorry that I don't have any answers for you. I'm kind of in the same boat. In fact, I just posted a thread very similar to this one! I wonder sometimes if my subconscious is on autopilot or on a timer, and it can cause symptoms whether I need them or not... so to look for a "reason" is sometimes (sometimes - not always) an act of futility. I just hope that through the program it eventually shuts off or becomes less automatic. But, this is just my theory du jour! I am no expert and not a success story (yet) - so take what I say with a grain of salt. Anyway, perhaps one of the more veteran members has some good suggestions. I do know, for me, it's easier to handle if I continue with my daily activities & exercise, etc. It just sort of empowers me... whether it helps the symptoms or not. Good luck!
 
Thanks Ang - it's not the pain itself that really bothers me (although I'd be lying if I said it didn't a little bit), just the horrible feelings that I don't understand!
 
Hi Anne, thanks for the book recommendation, I'll definitely check that out :)

Yeah, I think I was probably really hard on myself. I've actually been a bit better in this regard in the past few weeks, but I think in the last few days those negative self-thoughts have been creeping in - they're so insidious! Just when you start to feel better about yourself, they say 'Why do you feel better? You don't deserve to.' I guess that's a long-term battle.
 
Hi Moose
I could have written your post myself, with the exception of the dance class bit. Do you know it sometimes seems to be the little things I'm forced to do that niggle me most. Last straw that breaks the camel's back maybe? Hope you're feeling better soon.
 
Hi Moose,

I can definitely relate to what you are saying about your family, through journalling I've become very resentful even angry at my Dad and I'm not ready to forgive. My theory is that this resentment has been stored away and building up for years and it will take time to get it all out (hopefully less time than you have been repressing it), but when you have got all the resentment and anger out though journalling etc. you'll be ready to forgive and let go of the resentment. Just a theory as you know I'm very new to this :)
 
Hey Calum, yeah I'm in the same situation with my Dad! Journalling and thinking about my childhood has definitely stirred up a lot of stuff for me. So much so that right now I'm struggling to see anything but the bad in them (even though there is good there too!). Hopefully it'll get easier to reconcile my conflicted feelings over time.

Solange - I agree, sometimes the little things make me unreasonably angry or resentful (not that I let it show of course) - typical TMSer or what?
 
Anne Walker said:
Okay, but don't be hard on yourself for being hard on yourself! Ha ha. I hear it does get easier once we get better at naturally being more generous and kind to ourselves.
Click to expand...

I do this all the time, too. On Sunday I was really upset about my seeming lack of TMS progress in recent weeks, and then I got upset with myself for being upset! Self-compassion is hard for me.
 
Yeah. I've had more pain this week, but I've been reminding myself that it's still an overall reduction, and more importantly I'm doing all the things I want/need to do without anywhere near the amount of fear that I had before, and that's quite amazing in itself :)
 
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