Day 17 What is helping me the most in the SEP?

[orffgirl]

Today's question to ponder is: What do I find the most helpful in the SEP? There are 2 things that I feel are helping me a lot. I love having a new reading every day. It always gives me something new to think about. And I love the support network. I try to read a couple of posts every day and reply to them. I think it helps me.

I don't think I'm good at journaling. I'm trying though. I feel really guilty writing stuff down that I think someone might find in the future. It's hard to put some horrible thoughts down on paper. What do I do with this journal when I am done?

 

[vanessa]

Just do it. You would think I had the mind of an unforgiving selfish killer, and not a "sweet heart" - I don't want this hurt any more. And from everything I read, it's just your superID, the little baby in you that is inraged, and nerves got incorrectly wired. so by acknowleging those feelings you release some of the pain. And people have said when they stopped being so polite in there journalling and said stuff, like, "I hate my kids, I want to kill them for being so demanding and I am hurting, I can't stand them crying, i hate them." Of course she is not going to hurt them, it's the little kid in her. My hand writing is so sloppy no one could read it anyway, I just get it out. Also, use codes, like murder, kill destroy, rage, say I want to m him. And don't use names. it really to put in on paper the the sub C is being heard. We don't need to know every emotion, we just need to write about as much as we can that is causing pain. I also after I write, practice forgiveness and gratitude, so after all that venon comes pouring out, so does the willingness to forgive and move on or the acceptance, that it is still hard for me. So I stay honest with what is truly going on, because it's been a lack of mind/body connection that has caused this to manifest in the first place. Hope this helps. Vanessa