What do you say to yourself?

[OnTheRoad]

Once you can "feel" your inner child having temper tantrums, enraged all the time, what do you say to your brain? And is it your brain you imagine talking to, or your inner adult? As I understand it, the child is generating the rage, and the parent is generating the pressure (to be perfect, good, etc.) that makes the child enraged. I am trying to grasp, emotionally as well as intellectually, the role of the parent, and how the parent behaves. Does the parent soothe the child? Calm her down? Simply love and accept? I have tried all of these and they work at times, but I know there is more to it. I feel that I need to get in touch with this inner parent more deeply. Anyone?

 

[David88]

You're on the right track already. Soothing, calming, loving, and accepting are all great.

Think of it as learning to being a better parent to yourself. Listen more to your inner child. Undestand the rage and find a self-compassionate way to handle it.

 

[birdsetfree]

When you have symptoms your 'inner parent' is putting an overwhelming amount of pressure on your inner child. Pressure is the direct highway to tms symptoms. Strive for more awareness of your triggers and balance them out with self care. It is ok to avoid some of the triggers too if you are feeling overloaded.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

I am trying to grasp, emotionally as well as intellectually, the role of the parent, and how the parent behaves. Does the parent soothe the child? Calm her down? Simply love and accept?

I think it is useful to explore being the pressurizing parent and being the child who is pressured, sad, enraged. Ultimately you develop a more "balanced" or wise and compassionate part or parent, who can make loving contact with the child. In the meantime, try to get clear on the relationship between the "bully" parent and the "attacked child." The more you explore these poles, the more your compassion may arise, able to contact your child with love and care. As David suggests...

Think of it as learning to being a better parent to yourself.

Then you may be able to "be" all three which are the "compassionate parent or self," the attacking parent, the child.

The more you're able to explore, without judgement these old dynamics, the better, and I think you're asking the right questions!

 

[OnTheRoad]

I think it is useful to explore being the pressurizing parent and being the child who is pressured, sad, enraged. Ultimately you develop a more "balanced" or wise and compassionate part or parent, who can make loving contact with the child. In the meantime, try to get clear on the relationship between the "bully" parent and the "attacked child." The more you explore these poles, the more your compassion may arise, able to contact your child with love and care. As David suggests...



Then you may be able to "be" all three which are the "compassionate parent or self," the attacking parent, the child.

The more you're able to explore, without judgement these old dynamics, the better, and I think you're asking the right questions!

As usual, shortly after I made the post, I started getting the answer...same answers from kind people above. Thanks to all and namaste!

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, OnTheRoad. My mother was a great Inner parent. No matter what was troubling me, she said,
It's okay. This too shall pass." We as adults have to tell ourselves, our inner parent, this advice. Most everything bad does pass. We have to believe in that and in TMS.