Were you adopted? I was...

Greetings!

I was adopted at 5 months old, into what was certainly a best-case scenario life. (I know that's not true for everyone.)

What I'm realizing now as I work through the SEP on this site, as well as make use of the various recommended resources, is that even in the best-case scenario, since adoption is preceded by being relinquished, given up, and abandoned, attachment issues, along with perfectionism and fear, will likely follow, and TMS should be no surprise.

So, for me, the attachment issues are going to be my focus. This was clarified for me last night while watching this video by Dr Gabor Mate:



Perhaps you'll find it worthwhile. I know I did!

Thanks for reading. Peace be with you!

 

Hi, Irene. I'm glad the Mate video helps you. It and he are truly fantastic.

I have friends who were adopted and they consider themselves very fortunate to be taken in
by loving parents. I'm sure there are feelings of earlier abandonment, but it helps to wrap oneself
in the love of the adopted parents.

There seems to be a trend today in which those who were adopted search for their birth parents.
This led to difficulties for friends who adopted a boy and girl who were abandoned at their birth.
They found their birth mother and came to like and forgive her, but it changed things with their
adoptive parents who then had to share their love with the woman who abandoned them.

It's a hard choice.

 

Dr Mate speaks about an event in his life when he was two months old, which could be seen affecting his behavior when he was middle aged.

Before I was born, in fact, almost as soon as I was conceived, the decision had been made to relinquish me. As soon as I was born, the papers were signed. For five months, I waited to be placed. I was raised with the explanation that my loving birth mother was in the process of a divorce and didn't want me raised in a broken home. (The story was not true, as I learned in my 30's, but you can imagine how I felt any time my adoptive parents had a disagreement.)

My point is that no matter how loving the new family, the baby was given away, and this cannot be without impact. There are affects and consequences, both positive and negative.

 

Irene, I can totally rely on what you say. My mother died after my birth, I spent weeks in hospital, then was raised by my aount when my father finally decidied to marry again. So with 10 months I got my "third" mother. I am also struggling with abandonment and attachment issues for my whole life. Unfortunately my father was very cruel so there was further trauma on the top of severe attachment trauma

 

Wow! Birdie, you did have a rough start! I had a foster mother for five months, so you could say I had three mothers in a short period of time as well. I have no memory of the foster mother.

It seems natural then that you would have TMS symptoms even had your father been a kind man. Being that he was not, even less surprising that you've suffered.

What have you found most helpful in overcoming TMS?

I've been helped a great deal by Dr Sarno's books, as well as Dr David Clarke's book. I'm using the Structured Educational Program now to learn more about myself and how to keep from getting derailed in the present by past events or misconceptions.

Peace be with you!

 

Hello, and nice to meet you, Forest!

My first, and definitely worst, TMS episode ended in surgery of the cervical spine, two levels fused, and a graft taken from my hip. That was in 1992. It was lesser events years later, and someone ordering Healing Back Pain for me about ten years ago, somewhat accidentally (it was an Amazon suggestion she tossed into the order), that led me to accept TMS for the current symptoms. The prior surgery was something so huge that I couldn't readily accept that that had actually been TMS. It's been just since I've been working the Structured Educational Program on this site for the last couple of weeks, that I put this together. In 1992, I searched for and found my birth mother. My symptoms peaked towards the end of the search. Later, when I was quite recovered, I met her. As stressful as all this was, how much worse it might have been had not my adopted family been as terrific as they are, through all my life, my search, my surgeries.

(Later, I had two other surgeries, in which various and sundry organs were removed because they were not behaving, for reasons unknown. Whether these were about other issues or not, perhaps I'll discover as I continue the program.)

 

I'm adopted and adopted two daughters. R & I adopted the girls 16 years ago. I was insisting that I had suffered no ill effects from adoption. HAHAHAHAHA. Thank God I realized otherwise.

 

Hello Lorrie! That's beautiful! And, it turns out it's okay to realize that adoption is not all roses. I thank God, too, for the realization, and for being adopted.

(Is anyone else enjoying the chimes in the banner at the top of the page? )