Was doing great, now feeling pretty low...

[rabbit]

Felt recently like I've made a lot of progress on many fronts and overall for about 2 days the pain was less severe when it occurred (which still is daily) and I've had these pain free moments where I feel light, and relaxed and my back and leg have released. I am trying to look at this as a sign of more good things to come, but I feel like the past 2 days I went backwards in terms of pain and I also think the TMS is showing up in the form of unexplainable fatigue and a strange sense of feeling hungry all the time, despite eating fine (eating issues, comfort eating etc never a problem for me so not concerned just annoyed) and showing up as mild TMJ too. I know it's TMS moving around / continued extinction bursts I guess... But I'm almost frustrated I had the taste of "being healed" because it's so hard to pick myself back up and push through and do what I guess led to this feeling of progress and lightness and no pain. I got a bit of a break from the hard work, and looking back on it I marvel at how I did all that hard work and feel like I don't have it in me again.... though there really is no choice! Am I just whining here? I could look at this and say, wow, look how great you felt
as a result of tolerating the pain, functioning, working on meditation, repeating the right things to myself,
looking at what is making me angry etc... I guess I jumped the gun and said wow, I feel cured, its not going to come back [at least this soon]!

I realize my idea of progress is still too linked to how much pain I am in. But, for all we talk about outcome independence, deep down don't we all just want to not have pain ? If I could be someone who didn't care that I was in pain, that would be great, but can anyone truly say that? There are some experiences that are just too unpleasant to say yay, go me, this is progress... For example, I recently sat for a long car ride which was pretty lousy. Its a success because I didn't avoid going to the destination, and was able to what I wanted to do there, but indeed, I dont want to make any plans that include more car rides! I am thankful that the pain is not always that severe, but still...

The TMS still has a hold on me... I've been writing how its been standing that's the problem, well, TMS made sure sitting for a car ride would be... (or I let it I guess...)

Thanks all, as always, for listening. Posting really helps.

 

[dusty67]

Wow rabbit Im right there with ya. I was just about ready to write my own book and save the world from chronic pain. Then it hit again. NOT as bad a before but its there. Lower back keeps pinching every time I cough, sneeze, bend. Pins & needles in my legs, burning up and down my legs and in my feet. Moving all over like yours does.... Blah Blah Blah That was pretty much gone for almost a month. A couple days it would start to creep up and I would get busy doing things, push myself, forget about it and poof it would go. NOT this time. Im waking up with it again. My whole back is seized up from muscle pain. And the vicious circle begins again. I thought In my mind I was "cured" too That's why its frustrating...even though I read about people having "flare ups" or relapses I didn't think that would happen to me. I can relate to what you said about having to start the hard work again. Its exhausting. I have much difficulty at times saying I don't care about the pain. I DO CARE about the pain. I DO want it gone. I keep trying to step back and look at the pain curiously. To analyze it and why it might have started. I find some days easier to dismiss than others though. The one thing Im so thankful for though is losing a lot of the restrictions I put on myself due to the pain. Now that I know I can go about my day and do a lot of things normally Im overjoyed. I guess the complete disappearance of pain will follow. We have had a glimpse of that so we have to push on! Sending healing...pain free thoughts your way....like I keep saying......If so many others can do it....so can we!

 

[cishealing]

I am right there with you guys. My primary problem was leg/butt/feet pain. That is better, but in the last couple of months I've had infection after infection. Flu, then UTI and now another UTI. Seriously?

I know its TMS moving around, and that is great that its moving. I am doing the SEP and I'm only half-way through so I know there is more work to do. But its tiring and deflating to always be dealing with something.

Still, for me these are more minor annoyances and when I look at my progress from sitting in pain on the couch to being able to walk and do light weight training, I am still very happy.

Patience and perseverance and being gentle with ourselves, right?

Cee

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Cee, you got it. Patience and perseverance and being gentle with ourselves are so important in TMS healing.
You have come a long way from being a couch potato. Getting back to ordinary daily activity is great
and it gives us mental and physical confidence so we can do light weight training or other exercise.
You can expect some pain, but try to ignore it and keep reminding yourself that that too is normal.

Have a great day.

 

[Andy Bayliss]

Great to get your check-in Rabbit.

You're doing the real, hard work, and no-one has to like it!! You're being honest with yourself, and you're flexing your new capacities. This is a long learning, this TMS journey. You are doing fine, and at the same time, you don't have to feel fine about it!!!
Andy B.

 

[Back-To-Golf]

Its normal. Pain moving around, lingering around. I now see it as an old nemesis that just won't disappear and pays an occasional visit.
However, with knowledge of TMS, it no longer has any strong hold over me, its just an irritant that has been stripped of its power. Its more like nagging pain now, rather than crippling pain previously.

One fine day, it might just disappear completely, I don't know, you might even missed it!

 

[armchairlinguist]

I realize my idea of progress is still too linked to how much pain I am in. But, for all we talk about outcome independence, deep down don't we all just want to not have pain ? If I could be someone who didn't care that I was in pain, that would be great, but can anyone truly say that?

There's a video I just watched in the SEP - I think it's the one with Andy but it might be the one with Nicole - where this is discussed. They talk about how having pain sucks and so it motivates TMSers to heal. But it also can become like a thing that haunts you, like it's haunting you now - "well, I haven't succeeded because I'm in pain again". And TMSers being perfectionists usually love to beat themselves up for failing, but that's not any good because it just reinforces the cycle.

It's kind of a balance. We care about it because eventually we want to be pain-free, but isn't it more important first to have our lives back, and then eventually to become pain-free, or mostly so, as we unhook our emotional reaction to it?

It's not that we'll ever enjoy or not mind being in pain - but it is about unhooking the fear and obsession, so that we don't have to spend a lot of time thinking about how the pain or its equivalents are affecting us.

 

[Zade]

Yes yes don't we all just not want to be in pain! It is so unceasingly relentless. So I wish you the very best and hope your journey succeeds and isn't too long and has sliver linings!