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Very Sure I Have Figured It Out

N

NIClubber

Peer Supporter
After over a year of going through all the various fixes for TMS and journalling, and speaking to my therapist about my anger at numerous things, I believe I have figured out what I am really angry about.

It is 'random' enough to be from my unconscious, and yet does make some sense. It relates to a woman I have known for close to 20 years. When we first knew each other, we had a few things in common (including attempted suicides). She then moved away to a different part of the UK. I have used her name as the basis of most of my passwords on various websites, so that would explain why the pains have got gradually worse over recent months.

When I have written the journal about her, and why I am angry, I will write again ..... hopefully in the success stories forum. I will explain more about why I am so angry with her in the success stories.
 
Hi, NIClubber. That woman sure has upset you and the anger regarding her must be causing your subconscious to send you TMS pain. I am sure others like me would like to know more about her and how she has given you such longstanding anger.

Many of us, as I do, have had some people in our lives who have given us justifiable reason for being angry at them. I sure do.
When I was finally able to forgive them, the anger went away and so did the pain it caused me. It's not easy to forgive those awful people, but it we don't, they win. If we forgive, we win.

We may also be able to forgive, but not forget. I ask the Lord to forgive them and give them peace. That seems to help me deal with them.
 
After journalling for the last 3-4 nights about this woman and others connected with her, it might not be her. She is probably only a 'smoke screen'. I have a couple of other ideas.
 
It may have been a trigger for the pain. She told me back in 2010 that there was no chance of her and I being together as she wasn't good enough for her. I have liked her for nearly twenty years.

She ended up having two children by two different men. The most recent child's father is a known drug dealer/user, and is a complete waste of space to be perfectly honest. Ever since the child was born, he has denied point blank that he was the father of the child.

It may be that my TMS is from the fact that she would rather have a child to a loser drug user than consider going on a DATE with me. It could also be something about her thinking that she isn't good enough for me - how does she know if she doesn't go on a date with me to see if we could be a couple. Maybe not, but if you don't try something different, how will you ever know. We could be amazing together. She had been living in a town called Brighton on the south coast of England, but I understand she has moved back to a place just south of Belfast, where I live.

This is the short version, and haven't included the fact that she split up with the father of her first child when he cheated on her while she was pregnant with the first child!!!!
 
Hi again, NIClubber. That woman is missing a good thing by not letting you date her. But I've read that women who have been abused or treated unfairly by men tend to be attracted to that kind of man. You probably are too good for her. If things continue to look bleak for you with her, I suggest you give up on her and look for someone who would appreciate you more.

It sounds to me like a case of unrequited friendship, if not unrequited love. I've been there and it isn't easy to go on without the person, but it is essential.
 
I no longer have any contact details for her, so that's something I will have no problem with. It still irks me though.
 
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