Very emotional and easily overwhelmed after realising that I repressed my feelings

[Scapegoat1609]

For a long time I've been reading on this forum after I discovered that most of my symptoms where caused by TMS. This forum has been immensly helpful but now I've come to a point where my questions are so personal that I had to make a post myself.

So I was diagnosed with post-concussion syndrome 3 years ago and I recently discovered that it is TMS. It completely disrupted my life, I coulnd't work or go to school. After reading a lot about TMS, doing writing exercises and now also reading Sarno's book, I am making huge progress. I think 80% of my symptoms disappeared in the last 2 months, so I'm very happy with that.

I discovered that I repressed a lot of anger and pain, mostly about not being able to have a 'normal' life like my fellow students who now all have successful jobs. My self-worth and confidence have gone way down because of this. I have repressed all the emotional pain and anger that comes from this. I now know that deep down inside I see myself as a failure and I am very hard on myself. This is a thing that I really have to work on.

After discovering all of this, I am able to feel my emotions much better. But unfortunately, this also causes me to be very sensitive. For example, during a fun evening with friends, one single negative comment can really upset me afterwards. I feel negative about myself or attacked, but that person who made the comment has long since forgotten it. There is this constant feeling that I am not good enough or people judge me, so I feel like I have to defense myself all the time. This is a feeling that I didn't have before and it makes me feel weak and sensitive.

It also takes away the fun of doing nice things with friends. Instead of being able to enjoy the experience afterwards, my mind will constantly run trough that one negative comment and generate all the emotionals and negative feelings that come with it.

This is just a single example, in general I am much more emotional and I get overwhelmed by feelings way faster. Also, all this worry and overthinking can cause some of the TMS symptoms to come back after a very small thing like one negative comment of a friend. Is this normal while I'm still working on my TMS? Have you also experienced something like this? And do you have any tips on how to work on this? Thanks for your help!

 

[Cactusflower]

@Scapegoat1609
Increased anxiety with the beginnings of inner TMS work is very common.
Recognize that you were always this sensitive, it’s not new. These emotions you now allow yourself to feel were exactly those you repressed.
What TMS work have you done? Followed a program?
If you have not followed a program it might be good for you to try it. The SEP is free at tmswiki.org (scroll down page).
Or try reading Claire Weekes.
Both of these will help you begin to soften to theses intense emotions, and accept instead of fight them. They will also help you seperate what is real from things that are just thoughts. You are not your thoughts and thoughts are not “real”.
Your brain is still simply still working to protect you from the original things it was protecting you from - these anxieties and thoughts are the same protective mechanisms as was the physical pain. They are merely another TMS symptom.
So just like how you began to accept your other symptoms could get better, that they were benign, so are these thoughts.
Your brain is interpreting the negative to be towards you. Or you worry - and worrying is simply thinking about things that do not yet exist or about things you can not change.
Learning to set boundaries within your own mind - realizing that you have power over it (I saw a clip of a scientist explaining that the brain is simply an organ like the liver or gall bladder, and we do not allow them to hijack our essence as a human, so why let the brain do it!). It’s subtle, and takes work to do without self-judgement. This is the kind of inner work that people often use meditation or affirmations for, but Claire Weekes instructs us to “ float” these intrusive thoughts through our minds like clouds in the sky. Instead of hanging on to them like the strings of a kite and not letting to for “fear” the wind will blow them away… why not let the wind blow them away? I will tell
Myself “this thought does not serve me”, “the interpretations of others about who I am is not the truth of who I am”.
If you have not tried journalling, it is a good tool for beginning to change your thought patterns. Write about what was said, how you feel bit instead of only letting this negative thought loop play, then perhaps write about the favorite part of your evening and how that makes you feel. Notice the balance between the “fun” and the other things that take root in your mind and that you are actually perfectly safe in the moment with both. Feel in your body how safe they are even if they bring sensations.
Your mind has avoided things for many years by hurrying or using coping mechanisms. You are now simply letting things in and adjusting to not using the coping - it takes some time to become comfortable with things you can’t control, self-honesty, a wealth of emotions. Notice your progress beyond pain elimination. You have done wonderfully! You get out and socialize, you are feeling a broad expanse of emotion - you are allowing in a fuller life. Well done!

 

[Scapegoat1609]

Thanks for your extended answer.
That totally makes sense to me, I never looked at the anxieties and thoughts as a TMS replacement but I agree they probably are.
And when you look at it that way, it automatically gives some perspective and takes the heavy weight of these thoughts.

Notice your progress beyond pain elimination. You have done wonderfully! You get out and socialize, you are feeling a broad expanse of emotion - you are allowing in a fuller life. Well done!
This made me smile. That's a different perspective and I love it, thank you!

 

[Cactusflower]

Please don't mistake anxiety and thoughts as a replacement for tms - they are PART of tms and are equal to your pain symptoms. They were most likely there before you had your pain, but you pushed through them, ignored them and hence, ignored your emotions. This is very important to realize because understand this process is how you succeed in managing your mind/body connection.
I just read a message from Alan Gordon's page on facebook. He said to look at every symptom and every "thing" in your mind and body (like the anxiety or the pain) as opportunity to practice the TMS skills you are learning. You are simply training your brain.
So imagine your brain as a little kid. If you try and teach it something but you are constantly yelling "NO" at it or getting upset, frustrated, angry, annoyed at it ... what is it going to do? It is going to stop trying, it's going to run the other way, it's going to do ANYTHING possible to hide away and crouch down and protect itself until it can't take it any more then it is going to scream "STOP"!!!!! this is tms - and all the symptoms.
If you teach the little kid of your brain that it's perfectly OK to learn any way it can, that you might forget and say "NO" sometimes but then you feel sorry for it and give it a little hug, a high five, apologize and start teaching it again - this time with kindness and compassion.

Thoughts only have the weight you give them.

Start noticing the tiny incremental successes and focus on those. Slowly you'll learn how amazing you are, that you got through all this hard work and it's not something many people will even accept, let alone attempt.

 

[KeepGoing]

That's what I do as well. I even have conversations in my mind with other people and get upset over that conversation that never happened!! I'm trying to change my inner conversations to positive ones, not easy, big change. But I'm not giving up. I've got myself here, I can get myself out of it.