IndianPaleAle
Newcomer
Hi tmswiki,
I have been on the path of recovery for about 2,5 years. That is when I first learned about Dr. Sarno and tms, about half a year later after my symptoms had started. During the recovery I have read quite a few books about tms (including Alan’s book) and I have listened to Dan quite a bit on Youtube.
Over the course of years I have had neck CT, brain MRI and a couple of Lyme disease bloodworks. As you might have guessed none of them indicated that something was wrong from the physical perspective.
Now to the symptoms themselves. My initial symptoms were quite painful neck pains on my right side that resembled headaches for me, which persisted all waking hours. After a couple of years the symptoms have morphed from neck pain to facial pain on the right side with some tightness in the neck/traps from time to time, although still being “24/7”. In February, this year, I also started to experience tingling in fingers and legs which prompted me in taking my first brain MRI during which I learned that I actually was not 100% in tms because I had the fear of having lesions in my brain. It was a very rough time as I was quite afraid of the results which, in the end, came out to be normal. The tingling still happens sometimes but I am indifferent to it.
I can feel the symptoms 24/7 when I am not sleeping or being distracted thoroughly, which pisses me off a lot, to say the least, as it affects my plans and thoughts. Fortunately, even with the massive distraction going on from symptoms I have managed to live a more-or-less satisfying professional life (symptoms started right after graduating from grad school) with a salary being 3x of the national average in my country, which is mostly due to some events in the company that have made me important and also working all the time during work hours, meaning I do not check my personal stuff during work and keep chit-chat with coworkers to the minimum. Still I relax during lunches and I do not work post office hours ever. I am not interested in that, that would be a recipe for getting rid of me (unless there are stock options involved, which changes the perspective). Relationship-wise, I have dated for 5 years previously, however no luck since graduation, actually zero luck, but the why will be clear in the next paragraph. I think what bothers me the most is that the symptoms demotivate me from improving myself professionally and personally - perfectionism perhaps?
I suppose it is worth mentioning that I have smoked about 0,3-0,5 grams of weed since graduation almost daily and I also drink 2-4 beers a week about 4-6 times a week. About 1,5 years ago I quit those activities for half a year, but since the intent/hope was to find relief in physical symptoms which did not happen, I resumed the activities without any care. Also, I do not indulge in those activities solo all the time, I mostly visit friends from middle school who have people all the time over, who are there to be high on weed and drink beer. If not for the substances I probably would not hang with them, as from an intellectual perspective, I feel there is nothing to be gained and I can not help them with their sorrows, obviously.
I have tried meditating, sitting with the bodily feelings (i.e. symptoms), journaling but to no avail. I guess I have a little bit of OCD as I visit tmswiki and listen to Dan at least once a week to find the golden nugget that will bring me relief. So what do you think, what would you recommend? For what it is worth, I am 29. I have contemplated spending money on therapy, which is relatively expensive even with the more than generous pay-check. I just feel with enough mind-body work I can overcome it myself without investing in the potentially very expensive journey, I do not know.
I have been on the path of recovery for about 2,5 years. That is when I first learned about Dr. Sarno and tms, about half a year later after my symptoms had started. During the recovery I have read quite a few books about tms (including Alan’s book) and I have listened to Dan quite a bit on Youtube.
Over the course of years I have had neck CT, brain MRI and a couple of Lyme disease bloodworks. As you might have guessed none of them indicated that something was wrong from the physical perspective.
Now to the symptoms themselves. My initial symptoms were quite painful neck pains on my right side that resembled headaches for me, which persisted all waking hours. After a couple of years the symptoms have morphed from neck pain to facial pain on the right side with some tightness in the neck/traps from time to time, although still being “24/7”. In February, this year, I also started to experience tingling in fingers and legs which prompted me in taking my first brain MRI during which I learned that I actually was not 100% in tms because I had the fear of having lesions in my brain. It was a very rough time as I was quite afraid of the results which, in the end, came out to be normal. The tingling still happens sometimes but I am indifferent to it.
I can feel the symptoms 24/7 when I am not sleeping or being distracted thoroughly, which pisses me off a lot, to say the least, as it affects my plans and thoughts. Fortunately, even with the massive distraction going on from symptoms I have managed to live a more-or-less satisfying professional life (symptoms started right after graduating from grad school) with a salary being 3x of the national average in my country, which is mostly due to some events in the company that have made me important and also working all the time during work hours, meaning I do not check my personal stuff during work and keep chit-chat with coworkers to the minimum. Still I relax during lunches and I do not work post office hours ever. I am not interested in that, that would be a recipe for getting rid of me (unless there are stock options involved, which changes the perspective). Relationship-wise, I have dated for 5 years previously, however no luck since graduation, actually zero luck, but the why will be clear in the next paragraph. I think what bothers me the most is that the symptoms demotivate me from improving myself professionally and personally - perfectionism perhaps?
I suppose it is worth mentioning that I have smoked about 0,3-0,5 grams of weed since graduation almost daily and I also drink 2-4 beers a week about 4-6 times a week. About 1,5 years ago I quit those activities for half a year, but since the intent/hope was to find relief in physical symptoms which did not happen, I resumed the activities without any care. Also, I do not indulge in those activities solo all the time, I mostly visit friends from middle school who have people all the time over, who are there to be high on weed and drink beer. If not for the substances I probably would not hang with them, as from an intellectual perspective, I feel there is nothing to be gained and I can not help them with their sorrows, obviously.
I have tried meditating, sitting with the bodily feelings (i.e. symptoms), journaling but to no avail. I guess I have a little bit of OCD as I visit tmswiki and listen to Dan at least once a week to find the golden nugget that will bring me relief. So what do you think, what would you recommend? For what it is worth, I am 29. I have contemplated spending money on therapy, which is relatively expensive even with the more than generous pay-check. I just feel with enough mind-body work I can overcome it myself without investing in the potentially very expensive journey, I do not know.
