Upper body symptoms 24/7

Hi tmswiki,

I have been on the path of recovery for about 2,5 years. That is when I first learned about Dr. Sarno and tms, about half a year later after my symptoms had started. During the recovery I have read quite a few books about tms (including Alan’s book) and I have listened to Dan quite a bit on Youtube.

Over the course of years I have had neck CT, brain MRI and a couple of Lyme disease bloodworks. As you might have guessed none of them indicated that something was wrong from the physical perspective.

Now to the symptoms themselves. My initial symptoms were quite painful neck pains on my right side that resembled headaches for me, which persisted all waking hours. After a couple of years the symptoms have morphed from neck pain to facial pain on the right side with some tightness in the neck/traps from time to time, although still being “24/7”. In February, this year, I also started to experience tingling in fingers and legs which prompted me in taking my first brain MRI during which I learned that I actually was not 100% in tms because I had the fear of having lesions in my brain. It was a very rough time as I was quite afraid of the results which, in the end, came out to be normal. The tingling still happens sometimes but I am indifferent to it.

I can feel the symptoms 24/7 when I am not sleeping or being distracted thoroughly, which pisses me off a lot, to say the least, as it affects my plans and thoughts. Fortunately, even with the massive distraction going on from symptoms I have managed to live a more-or-less satisfying professional life (symptoms started right after graduating from grad school) with a salary being 3x of the national average in my country, which is mostly due to some events in the company that have made me important and also working all the time during work hours, meaning I do not check my personal stuff during work and keep chit-chat with coworkers to the minimum. Still I relax during lunches and I do not work post office hours ever. I am not interested in that, that would be a recipe for getting rid of me (unless there are stock options involved, which changes the perspective). Relationship-wise, I have dated for 5 years previously, however no luck since graduation, actually zero luck, but the why will be clear in the next paragraph. I think what bothers me the most is that the symptoms demotivate me from improving myself professionally and personally - perfectionism perhaps?

I suppose it is worth mentioning that I have smoked about 0,3-0,5 grams of weed since graduation almost daily and I also drink 2-4 beers a week about 4-6 times a week. About 1,5 years ago I quit those activities for half a year, but since the intent/hope was to find relief in physical symptoms which did not happen, I resumed the activities without any care. Also, I do not indulge in those activities solo all the time, I mostly visit friends from middle school who have people all the time over, who are there to be high on weed and drink beer. If not for the substances I probably would not hang with them, as from an intellectual perspective, I feel there is nothing to be gained and I can not help them with their sorrows, obviously.

I have tried meditating, sitting with the bodily feelings (i.e. symptoms), journaling but to no avail. I guess I have a little bit of OCD as I visit tmswiki and listen to Dan at least once a week to find the golden nugget that will bring me relief. So what do you think, what would you recommend? For what it is worth, I am 29. I have contemplated spending money on therapy, which is relatively expensive even with the more than generous pay-check. I just feel with enough mind-body work I can overcome it myself without investing in the potentially very expensive journey, I do not know.

 

You do sound like a perfectionist! Most of us are I think! You don;t mention getting out and about - do you get time to go out walking/cycling/paddling - or some other activity preferably in a natural place? Exercise is another important part of life - and goes really well with socialising as well. We meet more interesting people when we are doing a hobby/sport etc. I do a lot of cycling and I have met such amazingly interesting people along the way.
Perhaps if the people you are hanging with are not inspiring or enlightening you - try some where else... It depends what type of person you are - if you like groups join a group walk/cycle/ clearing a nature area - or anything that interests you..... Or if like me - you dread group stuff - just get out there and do something in nature.... I don't like joining anything organised but I do get out walking or cycling every week - as well as meeting lovely people along the way - like minded folk - I also find the immersion in a natural environment really soothing and important for my psychological health.
The weed and booze are just 'props' - we use them out of habit and the belief that we 'need' them - in reality we don't - but we do need something.... I find now I have done so much TMS work and know I need time and space for myself - away from work and family - I hardly drink at all! (I used to smoke weed and drink excessively !) and I never smoke!
Get out into nature for a day and see what happens!

 

Thanks for the reply hecate105! Great suggestions. I do go on walks sometimes, but not in nature particularly as I have not learned to enjoy the nature yet, and yes, as you could have guessed, I do not make acquaintance easily with new people as it creates internal anxiety, nor do I have feeling that I should. Perhaps what you meant was whether I sooth myself? Unfortunately, I do not think I do as the drugs seem more of a distruction/escape from life itself rather than a way to sooth. This reminds me instances where a trainer or someone had asked me to relax my muscles and I always thought to myself "What do you mean relax yourself? How should it feel or how do I know I am doing it right?" and of course my flexibility had sucked my whole life.

 

Maybe try getting a guided meditation for self soothing-- that might help.. I still think getting out into nature will help too..... Its not something you need to learn - it a natural place for us - its more like re-membering .... try it!