Update: on further activity

[cookieheals]

Hi all,

Seriously hoping someone responds to this post. An update; After completing the SEP, I'm still running. I don't know why it's been so hard for me to accept the diagnosis, but I am pushing on with activity and though the mountain doesn't seem to be moving, some days I realize it is, even though it's just a little bit of a difference.

What's hard right now are the conditioned responses- the horrific pain in my knees after running. Somehow I still keep going. I noticed that one day that after family therapy that I was fine walking down five flights of stairs pain free- which was odd. That should make me accept the diagnosis but all it did was make me question those stairs or what was up that day. Yesterday, I yelled at my brain while running and noticed that afterwards I was considerably better than I had ever been. I started too fast into activity, I know- but I won't let myself give up. I've seen that I haven't died yet so that's great.

As the fear continues on, sometimes devoid of any pain, just the constant fear that something 'might' hurt, I decided to start doing therapy sessions at the pain psychology centre- to have someone else repeat to me these things. The thinking psychologically bit is improving, I'd say, but it's definitely hard to focus sometimes. So I just give myself hugs and tell myself I'll be okay. I hate the fear. The constant and i mean constant worry. Hate it. But been talking to myself.

I recently got a movie deal, as an actor, that would be pretty intense physically. It's way more physically intense than what I'm doing right now (I do 25 minutes straight jogging 3* a week) and it would be 2 hours daily for 3 weeks , and with the conditioned responses, it has been a huge cause of alarm. I want to tell them no but I can't find it in me to quit, but also pretty scared. Stuck, somehow. Thus I started the therapy thing. Considering between getting Schubiner's 4 week program or monty's https://www.runningpain.com/master_practice_program (The TMS Master Practice Program - The New-Sarno TMS Program - Dr. John Sarno's Genius..."The most important factor in TMS recovery is that the person must be made aware of what is going on...information...is the 'penicillin' for this disorder." --Dr. John Sarno--------------------- "The Master Practice Program has the most updated information and experiential knowledge on how a person can successfully communicate to the TMS Pain/Distraction Strategy and how to efficiently and effectively change the cause of TMS 'inner tension', so that you can live an active, pain free life without fighting the pain/symptom cycle."--Monte Hueftle, TMS Mind Body Coach). Still going through Schechter's workbook. I just want this to be over. But when I delve into my mind I find vast amounts of sadness, grief, fear and I can understand why it's there and maybe a little afraid of it leaving and where that would leave me psychologically.

Been talking to my brain a lot, wasn't doing that before- so this is new. I was just suffering quietly and trying to 'think' my way into safety. But now I actively say things out loud. Will keep going.

Any encouraging words are welcome. Thanks,

Best,
Cookieheals

 

[miffybunny]

Hi @cookieheals ,

If you are doing the work with a therapist the rest is pretty redundant. Both Dr. Schubiner and Monte have fabulous books and interviews and YT videos. It sounds like you are trying to find some kind of magic bullet formula, but it doesn't work that way. We are all saying the same exact things in this field...just slightly different packaging (which is irrelevant). I don't know how many sessions you have had but you should definitely express your concerns about lack of progress in reducing fear with your therapist. If you feel like you and the therapist are not a good fit, it may be worth considering another program or therapist. Much of Dr. Schubiner's and Monte's work is easily available without having to do a formal program though.

You can't really think your way out of feelings. Feelings need to be processed and felt, that's why a one on one therapy or coach may be preferable. A few things to consider but there are so many portals to healing that you will have to figure out what makes most sense to you.

 

[cookieheals]

Hi @cookieheals ,

If you are doing the work with a therapist the rest is pretty redundant. Both Dr. Schubiner and Monte have fabulous books and interviews and YT videos. It sounds like you are trying to find some kind of magic bullet formula, but it doesn't work that way. We are all saying the same exact things in this field...just slightly different packaging (which is irrelevant). I don't know how many sessions you have had but you should definitely express your concerns about lack of progress in reducing fear with your therapist. If you feel like you and the therapist are not a good fit, it may be worth considering another program or therapist. Much of Dr. Schubiner's and Monte's work is easily available without having to do a formal program though.

You can't really think your way out of feelings. Feelings need to be processed and felt, that's why a one on one therapy or coach may be preferable. A few things to consider but there are so many portals to healing that you will have to figure out what makes most sense to you.

Hi Miffy- I start today with the therapist- and since I have limtied $ I don't think the option of switching around would work for me; just going to work with them at the Pain Psychology Centre for 4 sessions and then go back to working on my own, or perhaps continue on with Remedy. I'll check out the Monte YT videos- didn't know he had any. Yeah, I don't think there's one way to healing.

 

[miffybunny]

Hi again,

That sounds great! Wishing you all the best! We are always here too