Update and got offered a job - please advise!

Jules

Jules

Well known member
Hey everyone,

Hope everyone is doing well and having a great summer! It’s been some time since I posted - just been living my life, mainly pain-free!! In the last number of months, I have worked very little on my TMS, only doing two things: repeating my mantra of “I am safe; I am not in any danger; I am not afraid,” anytime I get pain, and most importantly, giving a good fuck you to the pain and doing the activity anyway. Doing this has effectively eliminated most pain, and the worst pain has reduced drastically. One other thing I have done is just accepting and allowing, as Alan talks about, and not tring to stop the pain, but just not caring. This summer I have done these things:

  • Went on vacation where I walked a lot and even hiked!
  • Gardening - weeding and planting
  • Exercised - danced, walked, rode a bike, hiked
  • Watched grandkids - picking them up, playing with them, and running after them
  • Been to the lake, where I paddle boarded and kayaked
  • Shopped till I dropped
  • Attended 3 parades
  • Repainted some rooms
And..the summer is not even over yet! In Novemeber, I head to Thailand with my hubby!

Ok, that being said...I finally found a new job, after dilligently searching for 7 months! I start next Wednesday as a copywriter for a water treatment company. It’s 30 hours a week and has great pay and benefits. Of course, the old fears are returning about doing this job, mainly because the buck stops with me, as I am the sole copywriter for a nearly 40-year-old company and they are counting on me to write everything. Of course, I am just a tad nervous and my brain is picking up on it and giving me slightly more pain, and in fact, the shoulder pain I had with my last job. Coincidence? Nope.

So, need some advice on how to tackle this. I know it’s my brain trying to protect me, but it’s not necessary, and need some suggestions on getting it to back down again with this new job. Mainly, I need a plan for the first month or so to focus on my new responsibilities and train my brain to accept that the job is not a danger. @plum @Alan Gordon LCSW @MindBodyPT @FredAmir

TIA everyone!
 
Jules, the joy in this post is infectious. I love your vibe, your energy and your gorgeous spirit. I'm delighted to hear all you've achieved and I laughed aloud at the "giving a good fuck you to the pain and doing the activity anyway." That is beautiful and so on the money.

So to your question on how to proceed, mostly I'd suggest doing all the things (self-talk, self-care, activities etc), that deeply ground you into yourself and that strong sense of well-being that wraps around when you feel at your most contented and most connected. It's easy to let these disciplines slide and we ought be mindful of this. Everything in life needs care and nurturing so put yourself at the top of that list.

Then I'd say embrace this new job with kindness and love, seeing the creative potential yet not getting blindsided by either the immensity or the responsibility. Take things day-by-day, moment-by-moment and where needed apply your own fabulous maxim "giving a good fuck you to the pain and doing the activity anyway" every time you need to. We all have to juggle with caring enough and not giving two fucks when the time is right. I reckon us tms'ers sometimes get these issues jumbled up and care too much about stuff that doesn't matter while letting supremely important concerns slide (such as self-care and self-compassion).

Whether we call our bugaboo's sleeping dogs, unconscious emotions or neural circuits, they amount to the same thing. Go gently. Listen to your body and your intuition not your fears. Believe in yourself and enjoy this new chapter. Activities like journaling may be useful to garner insights where needed but mostly it's a case of drawing on all the skills and strengths your tussle with tms has given you and maintaining form.

Be kind to yourself Jules. As you say, this is only your brain being a tad over-protective and that's quite sweet really. It cares for you in it's own clumsy fashion. Accept the gesture and then let it go. It'll settle down.

That aside congratulations on the new job and on doing so well in general. It's such a pleasure to read posts like these.

Love,

Plum xxx
 
@Jules, this is such great news! Congratulations on getting your life back, and congratulations on getting a cool new job!

I can't give any advice better than plum's. But what rang a bell is how often I've been hearing about "imposter syndrome" lately - I think either on public radio or public television, or perhaps the NYTimes.

This is yet another trick of our primitive fearful brains, but it's a very specific one - trying to convince us that we are posing as competent and suited for "the job" (whatever it might be) when we really aren't.

I haven't paid enough attention to the details to understand why this is something our brains think is valuable to our survival, but it's a real thing. And it sure sounds like what you are up against at the moment.

Knowledge is power, girl. Fuck your stupid primitive brain, and go get 'em!

Love,

~Jan
 
Plum, as always, your sound advice is much welcomed! I know this is my primitive fear brain doing the talking, as pain flares have ramped up just this last week, which cannot be a coincidence. I go to my therapist today and we are going to go through the fear of getting this job and reinforce to my brain that there isn’t any reason to pull out the danger signals. It’s amazing how our brains latch onto fears of yesteryear and run with them. Well, I’m not going to let that happen. I will go forward with a zeal and excitement, knowing that there is nothing wrong and that I can overcome anything I set my mind to. Fuck the pain - I’m going in!

plum said:
Jules, the joy in this post is infectious. I love your vibe, your energy and your gorgeous spirit. I'm delighted to hear all you've achieved and I laughed aloud at the "giving a good fuck you to the pain and doing the activity anyway." That is beautiful and so on the money.

So to your question on how to proceed, mostly I'd suggest doing all the things (self-talk, self-care, activities etc), that deeply ground you into yourself and that strong sense of well-being that wraps around when you feel at your most contented and most connected. It's easy to let these disciplines slide and we ought be mindful of this. Everything in life needs care and nurturing so put yourself at the top of that list.

Then I'd say embrace this new job with kindness and love, seeing the creative potential yet not getting blindsided by either the immensity or the responsibility. Take things day-by-day, moment-by-moment and where needed apply your own fabulous maxim "giving a good fuck you to the pain and doing the activity anyway" every time you need to. We all have to juggle with caring enough and not giving two fucks when the time is right. I reckon us tms'ers sometimes get these issues jumbled up and care too much about stuff that doesn't matter while letting supremely important concerns slide (such as self-care and self-compassion).

Whether we call our bugaboo's sleeping dogs, unconscious emotions or neural circuits, they amount to the same thing. Go gently. Listen to your body and your intuition not your fears. Believe in yourself and enjoy this new chapter. Activities like journaling may be useful to garner insights where needed but mostly it's a case of drawing on all the skills and strengths your tussle with tms has given you and maintaining form.

Be kind to yourself Jules. As you say, this is only your brain being a tad over-protective and that's quite sweet really. It cares for you in it's own clumsy fashion. Accept the gesture and then let it go. It'll settle down.

That aside congratulations on the new job and on doing so well in general. It's such a pleasure to read posts like these.

Love,

Plum xxx
Click to expand...
 
Jan,

Thanks for everything! Imposter syndrome makes a ton of sense! I guess it stems back to being bullied as a kid and classmates telling me I was stupid and would never amount to anything. The child in me still feels that and tries to protect me by distractions, so I don’t do something (in this case, work) and then maybe fail, which is what my inner-child has been told would happen.

But, yes, I am going to stand up and do it anyway! the only power pain has over me is the kind I let have power over me. (of course, not talking about injuries and disease) :)


JanAtheCPA said:
@Jules, this is such great news! Congratulations on getting your life back, and congratulations on getting a cool new job!

I can't give any advice better than plum's. But what rang a bell is how often I've been hearing about "imposter syndrome" lately - I think either on public radio or public television, or perhaps the NYTimes.

This is yet another trick of our primitive fearful brains, but it's a very specific one - trying to convince us that we are posing as competent and suited for "the job" (whatever it might be) when we really aren't.

I haven't paid enough attention to the details to understand why this is something our brains think is valuable to our survival, but it's a real thing. And it sure sounds like what you are up against at the moment.

Knowledge is power, girl. Fuck your stupid primitive brain, and go get 'em!

Love,

~Jan
Click to expand...
 
Sorry i'm just replying now, but both Jan and Plum said it so well! I'm happy to hear of your new job...i've definitely experienced the same kind of stress and "imposter syndrome" mentioned above with new jobs. I think giving yourself a lot of compassion when you make a life change really helps, and just waiting out the tough period a bit. The first couple months are always tough. I've been doing the same thing in my new role as a mom! My baby is 5 months old and I still feel transitional, I find myself judging myself and being too harsh sometimes. When I meditate I focus on giving myself compassion for all of this. The same can be true in a new job. Best of luck, and glad to hear you're having a great summer and doing so many things!
 
Jules, I've been following your posts from the beginning. It's remarkable the progress you've made in the past 6 months! Have you posted a success story yet? I think a lot of people would find your story inspiring.

For me, work is a distraction from pain, so having a job is better for me physically/ psychologically than staying at home. But, I also have the blessing of having a supportive supervisor who allows me to adjust my schedule when needed. For instance, I usually work from home a few hours in the morning and come in later. I use that extra time to meditate for about 15 minutes, and then listen to TMS podcasts while getting ready. I also don't have to stress about getting up as early, so I sleep better at night. Plus, I miss the morning commuter traffic! Don't get me wrong, my job has many stressful days, but having that time of self-care in the morning prepares me for what I might face once I walk out the door. 30 hours per week sounds perfect! You'll still have plenty of time in the day to take care of yourself. Good luck with whatever you decide!
 
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Congrats on the job! But for most congrats on the progress you made. You are so positive and joyful! I think the others gave you already good advices. For me the most important thing is to know that I can adjust to the situation. That I don’t need to have the perfect plan that works out perfectly well for the next 5 months. I stressed myself a lot with that, I thought I need to be reliable and know beforehand how things will develop. But one doesn’t know. So, start working, see how it is going. Imposter syndrome ... no, you are not an imposter. Imposters are only those who never would think of themselves that way ...
 
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