TRY New Improved, TMS recovery Lite TM

Kalo - I totally understand. When I was caring for my mother, I would go to the gym. That was the one time for myself to try and get everything off my mind for a few minutes. I would take my phone in with me but with earphones on most of the time I couldn't really hear it ring. But I was scared to not have it with me in case something happened. I totally understand that one phone call that could put me in fight or flight mode. One time my mother was on pain meds that lowered her heart rate and blood pressure. The hospice nurse called me and told me that she thought she was transitioning. Immediately my lower back pain increased immensely. I ended up taking her off the pain medicine (it was too strong). In a day or two her blood pressure and heart rate was back to normal. However my back pain was worse for months. It only takes a little trigger.
 
@Kalo and @Memawjan

We're more than caregivers, we're guiding our loved ones through and into the most mystical and terrifying of encounters. Facing death is brutal and it is no wonder other people make for the hills the second any responsible and mature act is demanded of them.

Our cultures no longer understand death nor deal with it on a regular basis. I fear we are culturally numb; we relish watching people get murdered on Tele every day but actual death is something we deny. The run-up to death is horrible but we do have it within our power to make the approach in a sane, compassionate and beautiful manner.

Mostly this comes from grounding yourself in a sustainable discipline of self-care. This is not a luxury. It is essential.

As I write this I am waiting for paramedics to arrive. Mercifully the situation is not life-threatening (at least I hope not) but is trying, worrying and eroding. What to do?

Breathe. Centre. Love.
Repeat as necessary.

My best to you both.
 
plum said:
@Kalo and @Memawjan

We're more than caregivers, we're guiding our loved ones through and into the most mystical and terrifying of encounters. Facing death is brutal and it is no wonder other people make for the hills the second any responsible and mature act is demanded of them.

Our cultures no longer understand death nor deal with it on a regular basis. I fear we are culturally numb; we relish watching people get murdered on Tele every day but actual death is something we deny. The run-up to death is horrible but we do have it within our power to make the approach in a sane, compassionate and beautiful manner.

Mostly this comes from grounding yourself in a sustainable discipline of self-care. This is not a luxury. It is essential.

As I write this I am waiting for paramedics to arrive. Mercifully the situation is not life-threatening (at least I hope not) but is trying, worrying and eroding. What to do?

Breathe. Centre. Love.
Repeat as necessary.

My best to you both.
Click to expand...

Dearest Plum,
Sorry to hear that you are going through such difficulty. Know that many of us are thinking of you and wishing you the best.

Your wisdom and compassion knows no bounds and I know it will get you through everything life throws at you.

Breathe. Centre. Love is the universal formula for overcoming all adversity. It cannot be said enough.

Take care and when things settle back down (and they will) let us know how you're doing.
 
Hi Plum,

I hope everything is okay! Please keep us updated.

Death, if you know the truth is part of life.

The truth is life is our teacher...We are here to LOVE & FORGIVE PERFECTLY. The more beautifully we can the higher our vibration the higher heaven we attain. That is all.

My pain comes from conditioning...It comes from the lies I was taught as a child...It comes from knowing that I am going to loose my best friend my Mother. It stems from thinking I am able to forgive what my family members had done...But stil feeling somewhat angry.


On that note, it also comes from an overreactive nervous system...I need to calm down...I LEARNED this bad behavior and it is so ingrained...

If you read Steveo's book The Great Pain Deception....I think he touched on a lot of spiritual things...

We have to switch consciousness to LOVE & FORGIVNESS!!! Not as easy as it seems

Kalo
 
plum said:
As a carer you don't have to look far or fish deep for the sources of rage. They are in your face. Every Single Day. I've had it today. Mother-in-Law is ailing and a certain brother-in-law is on the phone telling us what to do instead of getting in his sports car and driving here to deal with it. Buck-passing f8ckhead is lucky my hubby answered the phone. If you want someone to care in lieu ask a carer.

This is my hot-headed response. I totally agree there is nothing esoteric about emotions at all. No need to think or spin into intellectualisations. It's impossible not to feel anger. Give it voice, either literally or on the page. It's the stuffing down and relentlessly putting up with sh*t that takes the toll.
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Yes. I have had some of this frustration lately. My Brother is 'power of attorney' yet I am the front line soldier dealing with stuff. He also dismisses my Mom's humanity, treating her like a 'problem' rather than a person. Regardless, that is HIS Karma, Dukkha, whatever. He also has rad back pain...and would never in a thousand years embrace the truth about TMS EVEN THOUGH he acknowledges it comes during his stress....so he's extra dick-ish and short about problems.

TMS isn't beaten by avoiding stress. It is beaten by awareness. It isn't really beaten...it just goes away because no one is there to play with it anymore.

Living with Mom has been really interesting so far and that is NOT a euphemism . Many of the decisions that she made in life a long time ago are now unfolding in front of her, though in truth she might not remember making them.
She was always a loner and went to great lengths to be alone. Now she is lonely. She set great store in her knowledge and education...now she can't even remember that she went to Cal and Stanford.
I have been re-reading 'the power of now' and living with someone nearing the end of life has really outlined the fragility and ultimate fiction of a lot of the things we struggled for and through in life....particularly constructs of thought. My mom used to get her panties all in a bunch about politics... Now she can't remember which side she was on (she was a dem-activist)

Great times. I like Gary Zukav's model of 'Earth School'... it puts other wise 'meaningless' or 'slow' things in to perspective and turns them educational.

On another note... I bought a set of weights.I Turn 52 this month and I can still bench press 200 pounds! My ego being firmly intact, it is the last thing I can still beat my sons at....for the time being.

thanks Dr. Sarno... RIP!
 
I love your comment that TMS isn't really beaten, it just goes away because no one is there to play with anymore! I definitely need to remember that. I am always too ready to play. It is so hard to ignore. Well said!
 
Ellen said:
Dearest Plum,
Sorry to hear that you are going through such difficulty. Know that many of us are thinking of you and wishing you the best.

Your wisdom and compassion knows no bounds and I know it will get you through everything life throws at you.

Breathe. Centre. Love is the universal formula for overcoming all adversity. It cannot be said enough.

Take care and when things settle back down (and they will) let us know how you're doing.
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Bless You Ellen. Your kindness and your words gifted me with strength and solace when I needed them. Thank you for that.

All is much calmer now, although the old dear refuses to go to hospital, which I cannot blame her for, and so mindful care continues. I have a hunch she'll out live all of us though. That generation are tough as old boots :)
 
Plum, Baseball, Kalo, Ellen et al. My deepest respect goes to all of you for your caring and love given to your parent, grandparent, or whomever during their time of passing on to other planes. My prayer for you, sent through the ethers, be that your own suffering and your pain, both emotional and physical be short-lived in and of itself.
Lainey
 
Firstly, this post is amazing. It really made me laugh! You're so honest with yourself it's the most refreshing thing I've read in a long time!
But can I ask - when it comes to documenting your anger/rage is it always about other people?
For example, right now the way I feel is angry at myself. For not being able to resolve this issue of dizziness and headaches sooner, for not trying hard at my job because I'm always so exhausted, for being irritable with my boyfriend because I am feeling ill and tired. A lot of my anger and rage relates back to myself rather than other people. What do I do about that?
I've seen that I'm not supposed to write about the symptoms themselves but EVERYTHING is linked to them in my mind.
 
plum said:
It helps to ring-fence the demands made on you. Here are two things I do:

1. Turn your phone off. You can't be constantly available and not become hypervigilent. You need downtime when you cannot be reached.

2. Either read or play music. Make time each day to read from a real book. Studies have shown that reading an actual book (not a kindle etc) engages the parasympathetic system. It takes about 5 minutes for this to happen. Read a chapter a day.

Or play music. Put on some headphones and lose yourself. Create playlists for different moods and needs.

These are small ways of grounding yourself in more peaceful states.
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Hmmmm... I missed that last post of Plums.

I never recommend much but since I am pain free I might as well share some of my personal habits. #1. I have never gotten a smart phone. I still toodle around with the dope dealer-burner-flip phone ..12 bucks at wal-mart.
#2. I read...every day (from books) I read myself to sleep every night (usually fiction,emotional feelgood fodder like LOTR, Harry Potter,etc) and then I read Emmet Fox/Eckhart Tolle, The Bible, Thich Nhat Han in the AM before I do my 10th step writing and prayers. #3. I play guitar...a lot. several times a day on some days. #4. I do NOT watch TV... maybe one baseball game a month...two or three during the playoffs. I haven't owned a TV since the 90's.
#5. I check in with my Bro's and Sons...almost every day. I get bored playing 'grown-up' at work and there is usually funny stuff going on somewhere and we pass on any childish/dude humor through the grape vine.

I am very in touch with 'roles' as in seeing the world as a bunch of people 'pretending' at something or another....not angry about it...more from an anthropological vantage point. I catch myself 'playing' something every now and then and I laugh at myself.

I am very grateful for the life that divine being has given to me.... and all of the great teachers I have found.
 
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