Day 16 Triggers

[Shells]

I am not sure but October / Nov might be a trigger for me. This post is all over the place!

Both hip surgeries were in Nov ( partly planned bc I am off work but pain would start to get unbearable around Sept I think).

1 knee surgery in Nov

Gall bladder removed in Nov when I was 19

When I struggled with eating disorder but was getting better seemed to flare up during holidays, I always blamed that on everyone centering holidays around food.

1st sobriety date was Oct 16
Relapsed in Jan of that year and 2nd is Jan 9

I haven't like the time change since high school. Especially low light.

My dad doesn't love the time change.

Seems like things are always really busy w work and home in September -Oct

1000 year flood in S.C. last Oct was very stressful and I flared adterward
when husbands parents came. Our neighbor hood was hit badly. People took 21/2 months to get our new AC duct work done humidity in our house still an issue. The company is VERY frustrating and I don't trust them but they still need to do something with the unit. Lots of paperwork for FEMA, mortgage co. Etc and I had to do it all bc husbands job is too busy and in another county. I also had to consistently meet with the workers due to his job and sometimes was very uncomfortable. They were hit and miss showing up which made me angry. I also felt I was supposed to be grateful bc we didn't lose our home.

This Oct hurricane came through- no damage but same week of flood. Had gas leak, husbands parents moved to our state and needed to stay w us. His friends in Florida were thinking of staying but ended up finding somewhere else. Our cat was sick. Refinancing and I had to get all paperwork together again due to husband's job. Need the AC guy to come fix and Intold hubby he was going to have to deal w them this time. They still haven't come to my knowledge. Pisses me off!! Was trying to plan a warm vacation and got shot down for the cost by hub. Wants to go to mountains instead which is NOT warm and sunny. Hurt my feeling but prob pissed me off bc of all of the research I put into it.

Marriage stressful right now. Hubby's job way too stressful for him.
Our counselor is a flake and is sick at this time of year ALOT.

I need to look into some dates on a few things from past to see if they link to same time of year.

I know pressure to get a lot done, even if it is positive gets to me.

 

[Walt Oleksy (RIP 2021)]

Hi, Shells. Looks to me like you've conditioned your mind to believe and expect "down" things in the late fall, as winter comes on. I'm in Chicago where the winters are often brutal, so lots of people get depressed expecting cold, snow, and cloudy weather. It's a cloudy, rainy, not cold but cool day here, enough to put a gloom on anyone. South Carolina probably has its own winter blahs.

All the things you wrote about are triggers. They could remind you of past events that you are repressing. Try journaling to discover if they are there.

Maybe let your husband take a vacation to the mountains and you go where you want to or just stay home and enjoy the quiet.

 

[Shells]

Hi, Shells. Looks to me like you've conditioned your mind to believe and expect "down" things in the late fall, as winter comes on. I'm in Chicago where the winters are often brutal, so lots of people get depressed expecting cold, snow, and cloudy weather. It's a cloudy, rainy, not cold but cool day here, enough to put a gloom on anyone. South Carolina probably has its own winter blahs.

All the things you wrote about are triggers. They could remind you of past events that you are repressing. Try journaling to discover if they are there.

Maybe let your husband take a vacation to the mountains and you go where you want to or just stay home and enjoy the quiet.

Thanks Walt,
I definitely don't have to worry about Chicago weather! I sounded very whiny in my post. I just had expectations and made some assumptions that my husband was aware of the cost to travel during Christmas. He wasn't I fly more frequently than he does any of course I've researched travel more than he has since I research every freaking thing!

Trying to Notice all of the "little" and big stressors that seem to trigger this spasm reaction. Being let down about a trip would definitely upset a child. Not to mention the catastrophic flood. We were evacuated by the National guard last year. I knew we would be okay (though financially very stressful) but I'd imagine the child in me was totally freaking out.

And then the threat of a hurricane the exact week 1 year later was probably scary. Hmmm, just reminded me that my neighborhood was hit by small tornados during hurricane Hugo when I was young. We were safe, just without water and power for a week. Some of our neighbors homes were destroyed by trees. This of course was during the same time of year. I believe in September.

I have planned to ask my mother about some other significant events to see if she recalls the dates.

SAD may have even been planted by a psychiatrist when I was younger. I don't remember when I learned about it but do think I saw somewhere on this site that it can be A TMS symptom.

 

[Colly]

Shells if you feel you are still suffering some trauma from events then you need to work them out of your system. EFT can be good for this. Check out any EFT therapists in your area.

Try to make a conscious decision that the weather regardless of what it does will not affect you. Go about your day and observe the beauty of the day. Notice the seasons change with curiosity and awe rather than dread, and for those long winter nights add more fairy lights to your living space. Add some to your garden too, they really do make a difference.

You may notice young children don't let weather affect them. We can all learn a lot from observing children playing regardless of the season. My nieces only go crazy when they're cooped up indoors, but once out in the fresh air they transform into delightful treasures - hail rain or shine.