TenaciousFTB
Newcomer
Let me preface this by stating that TMS is all new to me; I discovered TMS through searching online, a problem that I have. That being said, I am glad I came across TMS information and I related to a lot of what I read.
I have dealt with health anxiety as well as OCD my entire life. I never really had a deep history of panic attacks, but my first ever one was in 2009 and it didn’t happen again until 2016. I used to be an extremely active person and I was a semi professional athlete up until 2010. I suffered a career ending injury, and I feel into a deep depression that lasted nearly a decade. During this time, I would convince myself that I had all these different conditions aliments. I convinced myself I had a brain tumor and I suffered from headaches for years until I had a scan. I convinced myself I had testicular cancer and started having pain in my testicle until I had it checked.
in 2018, I started feeling much better. I started dating my now wife and we started building a life together. We both have successful careers, a house and wonderful children. It pains me that I feel this way because I should be happy in my life, but I digress. In 2019, my wife had to have her tonsils removed. All seemed well, but she started to hemorrhage and we needed to rush her to hospital. Fortunately, the doctor was able to operate on her and stop the bleeding. That night, I thought I was losing my wife. We welcome our beautiful baby girl in early 2020, right before the pandemic, and 12 hours after delivery my wife had a hemorrhage and fortunately the doctors were able to help her again. In a short amount of time I thought I was going to lose my wife. A year passed, and I started to feel weird at work and began hyperventilating and light headed. I went to the urgent care and they had me do an ekg, chest X-ray and bloodwork all came back perfect no issue with my heart. I didn’t really think about my heart at all and I wasn’t really worried. I was able to recover from this and get my life back on track. I was depressed, but I was functioning. During the pandemic my OCD increased and I started to see a therapist. I felt like I was making tremendous progress after a few years.
Fast forward to May, 2024. My wife was pregnant with our second child, and she started leaking. We tried not to freak out, but we went to the hospital. They stated she had premature rupture of her membranes at 26 weeks and she needed to be admitted right away. We were fortunate the doctors were able to keep her pregnant for an additional 7 and a half weeks and our son was born healthy and remained in the NICU, still being premature, for roughly two weeks. We were able to take our boy home at the start of August and exactly a month later my grandfather, who I consider a second father to me, passed away in his sleep. A month after that, I had a massive panic attack that landed me in urgent care where again they ruled out any heart and I was sent home fine. A few weeks later I had another massive panic attack and I went to the emergency room where again they ruled out any heart attack and sent me on my way. Since October, I have had varying degree of pain in the center of my chest which triggers additional panic attacks and I convince myself I have a heart problem.
it doesn’t end there, in middle November, my grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma and in the same week of that diagnosis my other grand father passed away. I’ve seen my doctor repeatedly, and she states that I am a healthy young man and it’s not my heart and if she thought it was she would send me for all these tests. I have been going to the gym for about two months now, too and I feel great at the gym. I can push myself pretty hard like I used to when I was an athlete. I’m never tired or drained from a workout and my blood pressure is always great while working out. Still, the chest pain persists and I got back to the doctor who states that I was sick over a month ago, i just started going to the gym and I have all this stress so she diagnosed me with Costochondritis. I started taking an nsaid and felt good for a couple of days, but I started researching and ruminating on things and the pain started again. I went to the gym and just sprinted as hard as I could to show myself I didn’t have a heart condition and I got my heart rate up high. I felt great, but I looked up my heart rate and online it stated it was dangerous and I ruminated on that even more and I’m just stuck in this vicious cycle.
I know this post is extremely long and I appreciate all those that read it. Here’s the TLDR;
I’ve been dealing with anxiety since I was young, so over 30 years. I have had a tremendous amount of trauma for 4 years with the last year being the most traumatic. I started developing chest pain coinciding with increased panic attacks that I’ve had checked at hospital and doctors all of which have stated no heart attack and it’s all anxiety. I workout at the gym without issue and have all this evidence to show I don’t have a heart condition but still the chest pain persists sometimes comes and goes increases/decreases based on triggers, increased anxiety and other factors.
thank you all in advance
I have dealt with health anxiety as well as OCD my entire life. I never really had a deep history of panic attacks, but my first ever one was in 2009 and it didn’t happen again until 2016. I used to be an extremely active person and I was a semi professional athlete up until 2010. I suffered a career ending injury, and I feel into a deep depression that lasted nearly a decade. During this time, I would convince myself that I had all these different conditions aliments. I convinced myself I had a brain tumor and I suffered from headaches for years until I had a scan. I convinced myself I had testicular cancer and started having pain in my testicle until I had it checked.
in 2018, I started feeling much better. I started dating my now wife and we started building a life together. We both have successful careers, a house and wonderful children. It pains me that I feel this way because I should be happy in my life, but I digress. In 2019, my wife had to have her tonsils removed. All seemed well, but she started to hemorrhage and we needed to rush her to hospital. Fortunately, the doctor was able to operate on her and stop the bleeding. That night, I thought I was losing my wife. We welcome our beautiful baby girl in early 2020, right before the pandemic, and 12 hours after delivery my wife had a hemorrhage and fortunately the doctors were able to help her again. In a short amount of time I thought I was going to lose my wife. A year passed, and I started to feel weird at work and began hyperventilating and light headed. I went to the urgent care and they had me do an ekg, chest X-ray and bloodwork all came back perfect no issue with my heart. I didn’t really think about my heart at all and I wasn’t really worried. I was able to recover from this and get my life back on track. I was depressed, but I was functioning. During the pandemic my OCD increased and I started to see a therapist. I felt like I was making tremendous progress after a few years.
Fast forward to May, 2024. My wife was pregnant with our second child, and she started leaking. We tried not to freak out, but we went to the hospital. They stated she had premature rupture of her membranes at 26 weeks and she needed to be admitted right away. We were fortunate the doctors were able to keep her pregnant for an additional 7 and a half weeks and our son was born healthy and remained in the NICU, still being premature, for roughly two weeks. We were able to take our boy home at the start of August and exactly a month later my grandfather, who I consider a second father to me, passed away in his sleep. A month after that, I had a massive panic attack that landed me in urgent care where again they ruled out any heart and I was sent home fine. A few weeks later I had another massive panic attack and I went to the emergency room where again they ruled out any heart attack and sent me on my way. Since October, I have had varying degree of pain in the center of my chest which triggers additional panic attacks and I convince myself I have a heart problem.
it doesn’t end there, in middle November, my grandmother was diagnosed with stage 4 lymphoma and in the same week of that diagnosis my other grand father passed away. I’ve seen my doctor repeatedly, and she states that I am a healthy young man and it’s not my heart and if she thought it was she would send me for all these tests. I have been going to the gym for about two months now, too and I feel great at the gym. I can push myself pretty hard like I used to when I was an athlete. I’m never tired or drained from a workout and my blood pressure is always great while working out. Still, the chest pain persists and I got back to the doctor who states that I was sick over a month ago, i just started going to the gym and I have all this stress so she diagnosed me with Costochondritis. I started taking an nsaid and felt good for a couple of days, but I started researching and ruminating on things and the pain started again. I went to the gym and just sprinted as hard as I could to show myself I didn’t have a heart condition and I got my heart rate up high. I felt great, but I looked up my heart rate and online it stated it was dangerous and I ruminated on that even more and I’m just stuck in this vicious cycle.
I know this post is extremely long and I appreciate all those that read it. Here’s the TLDR;
I’ve been dealing with anxiety since I was young, so over 30 years. I have had a tremendous amount of trauma for 4 years with the last year being the most traumatic. I started developing chest pain coinciding with increased panic attacks that I’ve had checked at hospital and doctors all of which have stated no heart attack and it’s all anxiety. I workout at the gym without issue and have all this evidence to show I don’t have a heart condition but still the chest pain persists sometimes comes and goes increases/decreases based on triggers, increased anxiety and other factors.
thank you all in advance
