Too much meditation? Or not enough..?

Sofa said:
Corporate sociopaths, eh. I think there's some truth to that. As to why.....is it a chicken or the egg thing? If so, which? I'd say some of each due to the path to the top.
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Some professions attract them more than others - often those professions where other people are at their mercy.
Sofa said:
Thanks for your kind advice as always. I am typically very hard on myself.
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You're welcome...and I thought as much. I think so many of us who have TMS are hard on ourselves.
Sofa said:
One thing I've come to learn so far on this forum, is that throughout my life I've been using methods by which to distract myself from root emotions. The reward centers of my brain are all out of whack through over indulgence in multiple vices.
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My vice to cope with life and distract myself from emotions was binge eating, which I started doing at the age of circa 6 or 7, without knowing why I was doing it. Controlling my eating has been the start of my journey to wellness. I consider myself to be a binge eater in recovery.
Sofa said:
Furthermore, I've constructed a nearly impenetrable wall for my unconscious brain. What is my brain shielding me from though? I can't think of anything.
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Your subconscious/unconscious brain is stopping you from finding out by making you unwilling or reticent to start doing mind/body/TMS work...
'Stream of consciousness' journaling and doing the 'Structured Educational Programme' (which I'm yet to do myself) and such like, might help you discover what your brain is protecting you from. If they don't, it might be that there isn't anything buried and that's where ACE1's tips for recovery can come in...His TMS was caused by his reactions (tension) to every day stressors.
Sofa said:
But at least I now know that building a system is not the answer.
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From what I've read on this forum, I think most of us have to find our own way of stopping our TMS - not by developing a system, but by 'cherry-picking' what 'hits the spot' for us as individuals from all the TMS mind/body techniques discussed on the forum, e.g. journaling helps some, but not others and some find meditation helpful, but others don't particularly etc., etc. (It's just like some of us have buried emotions and others have issues with unconscious and habitual tension in the body caused by reactions to every day stressors and some of us have a mixture of the two.)
Sofa said:
I was looking at your earlier post and am glad yoga nidra is working for you. I had no idea what that was until just now after Wikipedia search.
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Nor had I any idea until someone wrote about it on this forum. Yoga nidra is helping me relax and it's the only form of meditation that I've been able to stick to doing regularly every day. I'm needing to do other things too though (like following ACE1's tips) to see some improvement. TMS symptoms are still skipping around my body, but I am going to persist with mind/body work as I'm convinced that it will eventually totally work for me.
Sofa said:
Can you achieve a lucid dream this way?
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Not that I've experienced. Yoga nidra is sometimes termed as lucid sleeping, which isn't the same as lucid dreaming. What I get from yoga nidra is a profound sense of relaxation and the concentration that you have to do in putting your attention on the 61 yoga nidra points on your body can stop thoughts racing around in your head. (There was an issue that I had with a particular person that I kept ruminating about, despite journaling and talking about it, and it wasn't until I started to do yoga nidra that I could stop thinking about it.)
Sofa said:
I probably need to get back to basics and convince myself that TMS is real for the pain aspect.
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Yep. Like you, I suffer with genital pain. This has improved by 'suspending my disbelief' and putting the mind/body/TMS work in, but I do know I need to do more work (e.g. doing the SEP) in order to rid myself of all the symptoms. The encouragement on this forum has helped me keep going, despite not seeing/feeling any progress for quite a while at first.
 
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@BloodMoon and @Sofa, here's some advice for when you do the SEP, based on my own experience.

During the writing exercises, especially when making the suggested lists, I found that there was an inner voice telling me "Oh, don't write THAT down, it's embarrassing, and I'm sure it's not important anyway".

Haha, of course that was the part of my brain that was repressing something, and wanted to keep repressing it! The truly interesting thing, for me, is that after I literally forced myself to write those things down (with my brain fighting me all the way!) and then forced myself to look at them in detail later in the exercise, they typically were, yes, embarrassing and/or shameful, but they weren't earth-shattering by any means. Yet because of the shameful nature, my brain felt it was necessary to expend energy repressing those memories since childhood! Being able to face them and deal with them as an adult was very freeing, in addition to to giving me insights into aspects of my personality and behavior throughout my life.

In other words, when you make a commitment to do the Structured Educational Program, you will get the most from it if you also make a commitment to 100% total honesty with yourself.
 
JanAtheCPA said:
@BloodMoon and @Sofa, here's some advice for when you do the SEP, based on my own experience.

During the writing exercises, especially when making the suggested lists, I found that there was an inner voice telling me "Oh, don't write THAT down, it's embarrassing, and I'm sure it's not important anyway".

Haha, of course that was the part of my brain that was repressing something, and wanted to keep repressing it! The truly interesting thing, for me, is that after I literally forced myself to write those things down (with my brain fighting me all the way!) and then forced myself to look at them in detail later in the exercise, they typically were, yes, embarrassing and/or shameful, but they weren't earth-shattering by any means. Yet because of the shameful nature, my brain felt it was necessary to expend energy repressing those memories since childhood! Being able to face them and deal with them as an adult was very freeing, in addition to to giving me insights into aspects of my personality and behavior throughout my life.

In other words, when you make a commitment to do the Structured Educational Program, you will get the most from it if you also make a commitment to 100% total honesty with yourself.
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Thank you for this really helpful advice, @JanAtheCPA, which I will definitely heed. I shall write everything down - no holds barred. I started the SEP yesterday evening. I was wondering whether you think it's essential for recovery to 'publish'/share stuff on the SEP forum as suggested under day 1, day 2 etc?...Only, I've done journaling and really thought and already discovered quite a lot of things about myself that would need a hell of a lot of background explanation about my circumstances and experiences for others to fully understand/get the full picture (for them to comment on if they feel they have tip or whatever to give me in support etc) - Did you find 'baring your soul' to others was essential to your recovery or do you think it is likely to be enough just to be totally honest with yourself, with no stone left unturned? Thanks in advance for your experience/thoughts on this.
 
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I wanted to circle back with you all and thank people. I have TMS, for sure. I know it now. Today I went running! First time in 3 years (I've only been swimming because I've been so damn worried about my painful nads). Anyway, today I said enough is enough and what do you know? It felt great. First step towards reprogramming my brain without any complex and rigid distraction systems or semi-vegetation, etc. While it still interests me, I've chosen a better path for now, based on input received here on this forum.

I'm not going to get too up because I know by now there will be setbacks. Oh, and lastly, they all say to "jump right back into what you used to do, physically", etc. I think that's good advice, but I'd also like to remind that it's VERY important to stretch out really well (us weekend warrior types can easily pull a hammy, or Achilles tendon, etc. Especially if we've been out of the game for a while). I stretched out today - grabbed some earphones, and just went free.
 
Sofa, just wanted to say that it sounds like you're on the right track. You have lots of awesome things ahead of you in life. :)

Setbacks are definitely normal. We're here for you whenever you need us.
 
Also, if you're ever feeling down or doubtful, remember your positive attributes. It's very clear that you're an intellectual person who enjoys thinking deeply - use that to your advantage when engaging in positive activities you love! You have a lot of good you can deliver to the world, and you are 100% worth the investment in yourself.
 
Good for you, @Sofa! dancea A relative of mine who's a really good club runner (he runs marathons and half marathons, often for sponsorship for local children's charities) was saying that there'd been some research on stretching that he follows; this article explains it and I thought it might be of interest to you as he's stayed pretty much injury free for years (just in case it mentions anything that you didn't already know) https://livehealthy.chron.com/can-much-stretching-bad-8125.html (Can Too Much Stretching Be Bad?).

It sounds like you're making excellent progress already, which is fab-u-lous!! :). I'm quite jealous actually - as I can only hobble around my living room at present...but I'm very determined and I'm aiming to go for a walk in my local park soon, which has a beautiful lake to circumnavigate on foot. See you around the forum :).
 
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Sofa said:
I have TMS, for sure. I know it now. Today I went running! First time in 3 years (I've only been swimming because I've been so damn worried about my painful nads). Anyway, today I said enough is enough and what do you know? It felt great. First step towards reprogramming my brain without any complex and rigid distraction systems or semi-vegetation, etc. While it still interests me, I've chosen a better path for now, based on input received here on this forum.
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That's so awesome. You got the best evidence of all. And I can hear the tone in your writing is really RELAXED. Like you said, not complex or rigid. Just relaxed. Simple and sweet :)

Btw I hope you are celebrating somehow!
 
Thanks Free!! Yeah- I am continuing to see progress and it's exciting. BIG thanks to you and all the others on this great forum for taking the time and really being kind to me. I hope someday I can pay this forward. :)
 
Thanks Time! I owe my improvements to you all. It hasn't been all good of course yet.. But I have said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. I just forced myself to get back to living, despite the pain. And as a result, for the most part the pain has gone away. I'm trying to do this at possibly the most defining crossroad of my life. (Downsized at work after 20 years in the industry, and an infant baby and family to care after).

However!.. I'm looking at this from a position of strength. Positivity. We have to, don't we after all? We all have our battles, and life comes at us fast. :)
Hope you are doing well my friend.
 
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