To express emotions or to alleviate fear?

[music321]

Is it fear or suppression of emotions that is driving TMS?


I have MECFS. For quite a while, I realized that there is an emotional underpinning to the condition. I was told by some to try to push through my limitations to some degree, to show my brain that doing so it's safe. Others have said that it's not possible to push through, and that I need to Heal myself emotionally, and then the physical healing will come secondarily.


In order to resolve this conflict, I had every single blood test done imaginable. I wanted to make sure that there was no physiological cause, albeit secondary to a psychological cause, that was hindering my recovery.


At long last, I am convinced that there is no physiological limitation. However, as as the case with everyone with TMS, I'm still limited.


I have fully embraced the psychological route as the way to get better. However, I'm confused as to the main theme of the psychological route. I have heard that TMS is a function of fear. I have tried over the past week or so to tell myself that everything is fine, And to suppress fearful thoughts. I have forced myself to look at things optimistically. When I would get worried about my physical symptoms, I told myself to stop, and that intellectually I know I'm fine. When I would worry about my future, I would put the thoughts aside and just focus on the present.


As the days went on, I seem to have become more and more anxious.


Finally, after listening to a talk by one of the noted TMS experts, I decided that I needed to release the pent up emotional energy. I allowed myself to feel all of the fear, frustration, depression, etc., that has arisen in response to the state of my life.


Upon doing this, I felt much more relaxed than I had in days. However, it seems that I'm back to the same old way I had been. I still have fear, frustration, and depression.


I wonder which of the above two paths is the correct one? Ideally, it seems that I would be in a great mood all the time, and that I would not have any fear, depression, frustration, etc. Then I could function well. However, negative emotions are a part of life. Everybody experiences them, with and without TMS. I believe that the key to real healing is not getting rid of all negativity in my life, so that I can thrive in its absence, but rather, to get myself to a place where I can thrive in spite of the negativity.


I don't really know what to do from here. I can't be a monk on a mountain top, free of all earthly problems. I think it is possible to heal in spite of all this, but I just don't know how.


Is it that my problems will persist so long as I have fear? If I have fear,, can I still overcome my problems as long as as I try to really feel it?


Thank you

 

[Thomas M. Shields]

I suffered from CFS for about 2 months. It is indeed a frustrating and quite frightening thing to deal with, so I know how you feel. I did the journaling, limited my screen time, went for slow walks, did somatic tracking and did a lot of painting (which I'm not good at). I also tried to "let my emotions go" as the experts recommend. It's difficult to say the extent to which any of this helped though to be honest. The only thing I can say for sure definitely does help me (I still have anxiety) is physical exercise and that was obviously not an option when I was fatigued.

In fact, I had something of an ephiphany moment. It followed something I read on this forum but I can't remember what is was exactly. It wasn't anything I hadn't heard or read before but for some reason it just resonated with me in a new way. I dragged myself to coffee bar that night to watch a football game with friends. I felt awful but somehow had a fresh confidence that I was going to be okay. The next day, my fatigue had completely gone.

My experience is not an uncommon one. The TMS literature is full of long-term CFS sufferers getting better over night. I wish I could give you the magic pill but I can't, suffice to say I do think something needs to 'click' in your mind.

 

[Cactusflower]

"Is it that my problems will persist so long as I have fear? If I have fear,, can I still overcome my problems as long as as I try to really feel it?"

Yes. Your problems will persist if there is fear. That doesn't mean you must or probably can conquer fear immediately.
Emotional work is one part of the equation of TMS work, but more than half is dealing with fear - and yes, that includes emotional work around fear and anxiety.
You need to begin "dialing down" the fear. Once you can begin to dial it down a bit, and do it with a fair consistency over time, it does get easier because you have experienced some safety in the method you choose to quel the fear. It's really about creating safety and feeling safe in the body AND in the mind so that your nervous system can get back into a better equilibrium.

There is a combination of things that work in concert for a person to feel better and that combination can vary between individuals. It truly is trial and error but the "try" must be gentle, and kind to oneself by still being consistent over time. Today @feduccini posted an excellent (the content was excellent, the execution was confusing) interview with a TMS specialist who explains that simply telling yourself that you are fine doesn't work with the amygdala. You tell yourself you are fine and so that you can be more confident showing your amygdala you are OK. That means doing things that aren't easy, and doing them again and again for weeks, months or however long it might take to dial down the fear and the brain's reaction to that fear (which is for the nervous system to get wound up).
The psychological work we do is to show us we are OK psychologically and don't need to be kept safe from difficult psychological things like eg. emotions and to point out how we've dealt with those things by burring them, developing personality traits etc. especially as children - and no longer find those traits and other defenses useful.

"I believe that the key to real healing is not getting rid of all negativity in my life, so that I can thrive in its absence, but rather, to get myself to a place where I can thrive in spite of the negativity." - I think this is pretty spot on and might be an excellent goal for yourself. A change of attitude and mindset is a huge part of the work.

You've done some good work allowing yourself to feel the fear, frustration etc. in your life in response to your current state. But what about the things in the past? They are important to feel (and we often aren't even aware they are there - this is why we do the emotional work for the past) too, because there are connections throughout our life that got us to the place we are in now.

It's also important to recognize that this isn't a one and done immediate cure all magic button we can push - feel emotions once, or many times just for a week and we are good to go. For many of us it's practice, time, unlearning past habits like scurrying away those emotions or feelings once again without recognizing what we are doing.

Know that you are doing good work and it sounds like you are finding your mojo with all of this and making great progress.

 

[music321]

"I felt awful but somehow had a fresh confidence that I was going to be okay. The next day, my fatigue had completely gone."

it sounds like this is an alleviation of fear. As for the second comment, I haven't read it yet. Forgive me if I don't comment on it today, my neck is bothering me and I don't know how long I can look at the screen.

 

[Thomas M. Shields]

"I felt awful but somehow had a fresh confidence that I was going to be okay. The next day, my fatigue had completely gone."

it sounds like this is an alleviation of fear. As for the second comment, I haven't read it yet. Forgive me if I don't comment on it today, my neck is bothering me and I don't know how long I can look at the screen.

You may well be right. That I wasn't able to put two and two together on that point is testament to the fact that we're not always our own best psychologist. It's what the forum's for I suppose.

 

[louaci]

It is OK to fear, to be sad, to be rageful, to feel hopeless, to feel helpless, etc. We are humans and we feel these emotions, no good or bad, we feel them and they pass, like a river keeps flowing, part of life experiences. What we get stuck is when we begin to feel these feelings, depending on our external environment and our personal experiences, we react to these feeling in the various ways, and a lot of times suppressions/repressions/fight/flight/freeze/etc., and we want to "fix" these feelings because they are deemed "no good". And maybe we hope that by "fixing" the feelings or the people/events that cause us to feel this way, we would be good and done. Yet that is not possible and the struggles continue.

We can't fix feelings, we feel them and let them pass. When we react to them and treat them as "negative" "bad" "need to eliminate" etc., TMS seizes the opportunity to generate various symptoms on our body and distract us even more. Sometimes if you observe a little kid who feels mad or sad, a lot of times if they are left alone and nobody bothers them, and just let them know you are safe and it is ok to feel the way you feel, very soon they get back to play and laugh as if nothing happens. Maybe we could let our little selves know it is OK to feel like that, and with space and love, our little selves could figure it out and focus on the present moment: for the most part, the present moment, right here and now, we are safe.

 

[JanAtheCPA]

I wonder which of the above two paths is the correct one? Ideally, it seems that I would be in a great mood all the time, and that I would not have any fear, depression, frustration, etc. Then I could function well. However, negative emotions are a part of life. Everybody experiences them, with and without TMS. I believe that the key to real healing is not getting rid of all negativity in my life, so that I can thrive in its absence, but rather, to get myself to a place where I can thrive in spite of the negativity.

Just want to point out how you started this paragraph by asking the wrong question, but you ended the paragraph with the right answer.

Nicole Sachs is an accessible practitioner who tells us all the time that life and pain are inseparable but it doesn't mean that we need to live in pain. I would recommend Nicole for really good, really heartfelt answers to your existential questions.

 

[music321]

It is OK to fear, to be sad, to be rageful, to feel hopeless, to feel helpless, etc. We are humans and we feel these emotions, no good or bad, we feel them and they pass, like a river keeps flowing, part of life experiences. ...
... Maybe we could let our little selves know it is OK to feel like that, and with space and love, our little selves could figure it out and focus on the present moment: for the most part, the present moment, right here and now, we are safe.

it sounds like what you're saying is feeling emotions in conjunction with not being fearful, i.e. feeling safe, is what's necessary

 

[music321]

Nicole Sachs is an accessible practitioner who tells us all the time that life and pain are inseparable but it doesn't mean that we need to live in pain. I would recommend Nicole for really good, really heartfelt answers to your existential questions.[/QUOTE]

I will check her out, thanks