Leslie
Well known member
The chiropractor and massage therapist were part of my wellness routine long before the start of any TMS symptoms. The monthly appointments with each helped relieve stress and tension and gave me a general sense of well-being and a calmer internal state. When the symptoms were at their worst, visits with each of these wonderful people were increased to anywhere from one to three times a week. The massage therapist is a dear friend since childhood and the chiropractor is the one who suggested the possibility of an emotional component to my pain which led to me discovering TMS. Both have been incredibly supportive and accommodating throughout my entire journey.
Doubt, goodism, and even some perfectionism to an extent kept me from completely stopping these appointments when I learned about TMS. I read multiple things written by doctors and experts that directed the need to end all "physical" treatments and they made sense to me but I guess I thought I could get around that by changing the frequency and my mindset towards these appointments. Instead of stopping the appointments, I went back to monthly visits with each. Afterall, that's what I was doing for wellness before the symptoms, my mind would recognize the change & believe I was all better, right? Plus, the massage appointments ensure a relaxing hour to catch up with a dear friend once a month. So, I've had 5, 4-week apart appointments with each and the severity of symptoms has been steadily decreasing.
The were 5 weeks between my May and June appointments and I was feeling great, even at the end of the 4th week when typically (guess I have to admit conditioning here) the symptoms would increase. Looking back the symptoms started increasing when I reminded my husband of the appointments a couple days before. So, what I realized from these recent appointments is that the appointments themselves have not changed, but the patient has. Overhearing a conversation about symptoms caused me to be even more tense at the start of the massage. At one point my right foot was being massaged (hasn't been a tms location) and I remember thinking that it felt like a brick in her hand and consciously, unsuccessfully willing my foot to relax. The following day I realized I felt more tense after the massage than I had before it. Then I went to the chiro appointment that same week and I realized I was not able to make myself relax then either, which resulted in a very sharp pain traveling through my primary TMS location. I am very skilled at hiding my pain but this was one of those that was so sharp and came so suddenly that the quick, startled, audible inhalation was automatic, even scared the chiro. Fortunately the sharp pain had subsided within minutes.
This post has taken a long time to write, I had no idea I would experience so much anxiety just from typing about it. I made my next appointments (went 6 weeks this time) with each and the more I think about it, the more it seems that the right thing to do for myself is to cancel them and see if I've been undermining my own healing progress by continuing them. I'm looking at what I've written here and I believe that's the advice I'd be giving to a friend struggling with the same decision. So I guess the real question here is not whether or not to cancel the appointments but how come I seem to be needing all of you wonderful people to tell me what I already seem to know? Is it my inner people-pleaser needing support to risk possibly disappointing these people that have been very good to me or maybe just a lack of confidence in my ability to make the right choices for myself? Well, whatever it is I've thought about it long enough. First all the analyzing of the frequency changes for the appointments, then going back and forth for several days whether to post about it here....maybe my mindbody will begin to relax now??
Doubt, goodism, and even some perfectionism to an extent kept me from completely stopping these appointments when I learned about TMS. I read multiple things written by doctors and experts that directed the need to end all "physical" treatments and they made sense to me but I guess I thought I could get around that by changing the frequency and my mindset towards these appointments. Instead of stopping the appointments, I went back to monthly visits with each. Afterall, that's what I was doing for wellness before the symptoms, my mind would recognize the change & believe I was all better, right? Plus, the massage appointments ensure a relaxing hour to catch up with a dear friend once a month. So, I've had 5, 4-week apart appointments with each and the severity of symptoms has been steadily decreasing.
The were 5 weeks between my May and June appointments and I was feeling great, even at the end of the 4th week when typically (guess I have to admit conditioning here) the symptoms would increase. Looking back the symptoms started increasing when I reminded my husband of the appointments a couple days before. So, what I realized from these recent appointments is that the appointments themselves have not changed, but the patient has. Overhearing a conversation about symptoms caused me to be even more tense at the start of the massage. At one point my right foot was being massaged (hasn't been a tms location) and I remember thinking that it felt like a brick in her hand and consciously, unsuccessfully willing my foot to relax. The following day I realized I felt more tense after the massage than I had before it. Then I went to the chiro appointment that same week and I realized I was not able to make myself relax then either, which resulted in a very sharp pain traveling through my primary TMS location. I am very skilled at hiding my pain but this was one of those that was so sharp and came so suddenly that the quick, startled, audible inhalation was automatic, even scared the chiro. Fortunately the sharp pain had subsided within minutes.
This post has taken a long time to write, I had no idea I would experience so much anxiety just from typing about it. I made my next appointments (went 6 weeks this time) with each and the more I think about it, the more it seems that the right thing to do for myself is to cancel them and see if I've been undermining my own healing progress by continuing them. I'm looking at what I've written here and I believe that's the advice I'd be giving to a friend struggling with the same decision. So I guess the real question here is not whether or not to cancel the appointments but how come I seem to be needing all of you wonderful people to tell me what I already seem to know? Is it my inner people-pleaser needing support to risk possibly disappointing these people that have been very good to me or maybe just a lack of confidence in my ability to make the right choices for myself? Well, whatever it is I've thought about it long enough. First all the analyzing of the frequency changes for the appointments, then going back and forth for several days whether to post about it here....maybe my mindbody will begin to relax now??
And, yes, I agree with your reasoning. You probably do associate these visits with your physical well being more than you previously realized. My last crutch is my pillow... the memory foam, contoured type. It's the most comfortable pillow I've ever slept with... no fluffing needed, only need 1 pillow... I keep it mostly b/c of comfort. Mostly being the operative word. I started using it right after a bad neck episode. I admit I wonder what will happen if I dispose of it. I can see where things that serve dual purposes: comfort/relaxation and aid TMS, are difficult to part with. Do we need to make ourselves intentionally uncomfortable to prove something? I'm thinking maybe yes.. at least in the short run. I plan to get rid of the pillow... at some point (soon) 
