Walt, you're never too old to heal. I was helping a 76 year old man several years ago. He couldn't walk at all and now golfs a couple times per week.
I also experienced that mode of going to walk, or run, and the pain increasing. At first I thought I was getting worse, but later I realized that my pain was increasing each time that I became more active because my brain didn't want me to become active. TMS wants to keep you inactive because when you're inactive you have more time to think about pain. When you're walking you're defying your brain by not fearing activity. So it seems to punish you by increasing pain. Also remember, that when your pain increases that you are winning! The pain increases to keep you riveted to your body in obsessive focus, but if you increase walking and don't fear your pain as much, then your brain must increase your pain because your brain knows it's losing your focus on the pain. I hope that makes some sense to you.
Walt, in my experience, things like getting angry at a boss, etc., are only reflections of a much earlier experience. Getting angry at a boss occurs often, but it's normally not the problem, the problem is usually something from childhood, most likely an experience with a parent or loved one. So the thing you're mad at is not usually the thing you're really mad at. The source of anger is normally much deeper. Plato said, "A man angry at all women is really only angry at one woman."
The source of rage is normally not what we think, and is most often misdirected because the person we are really angry at is too important to us to admit our anger towards. I would look much closer to the heart for my true anger, and not toward things like bosses or wives and husbands. I used the example in my book of the man whose back spasmed at his leaky faucet. The leak was never the true cause of his pain. He had TMS, he healed his heart through forgiveness and his pain vanished.
This brings you full circle to your church. You go to church for your inner peace. If you focus on your own life, its flaws and the things you need to do to better your life, then all those other problems are insignificant. If you heal your life you heal the whole body of your church.
Something has you very angry now, but in your life you've built up a persona to cover this view of yourself. My guess is that it's an aging trigger. Everyone I've worked with over 60 or so, has been hit with the unconscious rage of aging and dying. It is a normal reaction to our existential existence. Church is good for you now to find peace.
But I don't know you. You may have had a disagreement with someone you love that brought on your symptoms. God knows I'm receiving many emails from people having increased symptoms, over the upcoming presidential election. Hands paralyzed, necks locking up, tingling in limbs, etc. But as before, these are only where the anger is currently directed, it is not the true source of the rage. The rage comes from the pool of residual rage from childhood.
Every day in every way, I am getting better and better. This is the most famous Coueism. A teacher in my kid's school used to say it every day to his classes. He was also voted the best teacher year after year. He "got it." It's about personal beliefs that things are better than we think, and that what we think becomes our future reality. Change your thinking and change your world, change YOUR world and you change THE world.
Steve
And yes, guilt plays a big role in our emotions and how we feel about ourselves. I experience this as a working mother all the time....
