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TMS Strikes Again

Discussion in 'Support Subforum' started by braden101, Jun 20, 2019.

  1. braden101

    braden101 Peer Supporter

    So I always seem to find myself back here after everything going well for a good year or two. A good rant on these forums is usually my starting point to getting through it, so here we go..

    My problems all started with chronic pelvic/groin pain, headaches and an array of other classic symptoms throughout my life, forever moving around - month to month, day to day, hour to hour.

    After a really good run for 12 months the last 6 months I have had the groin pain come back, lower back pain and lots of anxiety/depression.

    As I have dealt with those old symptoms before, while they can bother me some days and i do get preoccupied with them - I am able to accept them for what they are and even when they flare up it doesn't usually last long. However I have had a new symptoms come up in the last couple weeks - Mid back thoracic pain/tingling.

    This new symptoms has really done its job distracting me as I succumb to it and have been in and out of physical therapy for a few weeks with only temporary relief. It is only in the last few days I have started treating it as TMS and so far nothing but major flare ups.

    I have had a very stressful 6 months with alot of massive life changes and being in very well paying physical job (about to start at a new company). The timing of this new symptom is apparently perfect - thanks TMS! I feel I have a massive fear of pain as my job and my family depend on my body being fit to do my job and i feel that is why i am so susceptible to this fear/pain cycle.

    Yesterday was a bad day, even though i know I should be treating this as TMS I still find myself down the rabbit hole of googling symptoms, booking doctor appointments, considering MRI's etc Last night so exhausted from it all i just started crying out of nowhere! I know there is alot stressing me out and I need to work through it and not give in to the pain distractions I just feel so defeated as I have beaten this before yet i feel so hopeless right now, like I am back to square one.

    Even just typing all this out, my pain is moving from my mid back to my groin to my lower back. It all seems so obvious when I write it out like this but why am I having such a hard time truly convincing myself!?!?
  2. TG957

    TG957 Beloved Grand Eagle

    Braden, you are having such a hard time because you are fearful. When you are fearful, your mind is looking for any way to get you out what you are fearing: the new job. The more you dive into the thoughts that your family depends on you, the more you are worried. You are quite aware of what causes your fear, you already told yourself that you are going down the rabbit hole. Find something else to distract yourself away from the rabbit hole: meeting friends, going out, taking a walk. You know that you can do it, so do it!!!

    Best of luck to you!
    braden101 likes this.
  3. SqrlGrl

    SqrlGrl New Member

    Wow. This is how I feel. Thanks for posting. I’m new but I see this is a lifelong issue maybe and I’ll need to keep working on it. I feel pretty sad/angry/hopeless at times. But finding this forum is helpful. Hang in there.
    braden101 likes this.
  4. limitless

    limitless Newcomer

    I am having the same experience.

    The interesting thing is that whenever I am about to make great progress in my live and move ahead TMS symptoms arise.

    It's almost like TMS wants to hold me back. Or in more positive words: to fix it even more.

    Strangely the pain usually comes back much stronger than before.

    Just yesterday it hit me and I barely can't walk without 9.5/10 pain but then I can cycle. My backpain moved and now I have pain the hip area (piriformis) down the leg.

    I can't seem to find the surpressed emotion but I found my subconscious has fearful thoughts of future.

    When you know that you can be anything or know the answers but are still stuck somewhere it can feel like time is running out or you are in a rabbit hole.
    braden101 likes this.
  5. braden101

    braden101 Peer Supporter

    Yes i completely agree I am letting the fear have too much control. The pain got so bad at this new job that I had to take some time off in my first week (not good). I was so convinced the pain was structural, it would progressively getting worst through a day of work to the point my cns was going crazy, by the end of the day my whole back was bricked up and i would be getting tingling in my arms and face (a classic sign of anxiety for me) but my fear levels were through the roof setting alarms off in my brain.

    I bit the bullet and ended up getting an MRi (expecting the worse) I reasoned it to myself as i had started a new job i needed to know either way if there was something serious happening. Sure enough my thoracic spine shows no signs of bulges, herniations, fractors or anything more sinister. And even more funnily enough a disc bulge I was diagnosed with years ago in my lumbar has actually disappeared…

    Since the MRI I had a couple pain free days, getting to the gym with no issues. I definitely seemed to be programmed to feel the pain with work or leading up to work. I work a 7 days on 7 days off roster and i spend my work days living on site a few hours from home so that obviously adds to the stress of it all.

    I know the pain is not structural, I can feel the knotted taut bands of muscle moving around my back from day to day sometimes disappearing completely. I know it is oxygen deprivation because as soon i start using the muscles or i massage the knots, they start to loosen and the pain disappears!

    I am making progress, I am going back to work in a couple days and whenever i feel i am obsessing or thinking about the pain or its returns, I have a chat to myself, sometimes outloud. Whats going on in your head, why are you letting fear cloud your mind. There is nothing wrong with you, you are fit, strong and capable!
    SqrlGrl likes this.
  6. braden101

    braden101 Peer Supporter

    Yes! I completely agree. It’s almost like clockwork, I am going well in all aspects of life and I am about to make a leap to a new stage, something that should be exciting that i have worked so hard for.

    but with that change comes all of these stressors and fears of the future and it seems to trigger TMS. Next think i know life has come to a grinding halt and everything is put on hold so i can focus on this “catastrophic” pain.

    I also find the pain comes back stronger than before, although I do have much longer breaks between episodes. I do admit though while I am going well i do get very lazy with the work. I think i just get lazy with the work while I’m feeling good, stop thinking emotionally and it just slowly builds up to breaking point.
    limitless likes this.
  7. SqrlGrl

    SqrlGrl New Member

    I used to have a situation with my family that whenever something good happened in my life they would have some drama or chaos or would steal focus off my good thing. My mom has passed away and my brother continues to do it but I’m limiting contact with him. I think TMS is taking this over in my life. I’m so conditioned to believe I don’t deserve good things that now my TMS jumps in ready for o support that.
    braden101 likes this.

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