Tms has my head all messed up

J

jamejamesjames1

Peer Supporter
I've been working on tms for awhile now. Have intermittent success with distraction, mindfulness, exercise, etc.

Today I went to pelvic floor physical therapy.

I was hoping they would either say every thing is structural (and I'd walk away knowing that's not true) or they would say "your muscles are fine, we know what tms is and that's what you got. No reason to come back"

Instead she massaged various muscles down their and DAMN do they hurt. She says is stress related and learning to relax the area will help.

Now I fully believe tms is driving all of this, but I feel I can't ignore how painful the muscles were.

But here is where my understanding of tms really screws me up...

I start thinking is the pain from the muscles or my mind is afraid of the pain so it creates it?
Pain is way worse and I think dos I just agitate my mind and now I'm back to square on because I'm afraid over how much it hurts?
I start to think trying to do both will keep me stuck forever cause so many people say don't do the physical at all.

Then I feel like I have to change some aspect not my life to heal but can't figure that out. So it feels like I can't get out of this mess.
So I try real hard to feel feelings and stuff comes up but I can't tell if it's genuine emotions or if I'm just creating them from nothing too

Then I think of my.mind is creating this pain in general and specifically from this therapy then who knows what else it will do or.how much else it will do

So I feel like I have this wicked warlord in my head who can hurt me really bad whenever and however and the only way to get out is feel emotions which I may or may not have and I have to solve some maze I find myself in and....

I am just so confused I don't know which way is up. I'm suffering. I want to feel better and grow as a.person through all this. The one emotion I know is valid is how sad and scared I am.

Anytime I do anything to heal I hear a voice in my head from a book or podcast or forum or YouTube video.that contradict it in some way.

And then I'm frozen in doubt. Not confident moving forward but scared shitless to let go. Watching my otherwise great life go by as I suffer and my kitty kids growing up with me not fully enjoying.their childhood.

Anxiety and panic build in me while sadness guilt and depression take turns too.

Experts all have somewhat different methods. But everyone is human. Who knows what's right. Who knows what's right for me. Even the newest science will be replaced eventually.

Sigh. I know I have stressed induced pain. I am at wits end as to what stones to turn over anymore or methods to try.

The only thing I haven't tried is to fully do nothing at all, accept n move on. I have somehow not been able to master that practice (maybe I'm not strong enough).

Yet if I got into this mess before learning about any of this, then I'm returning to a state that was bad enough to give me symptoms on the first place. And now with the extta stress of having symptoms it would just make it worse???

Argh "there must have been a doorway when I came in"
 
jamejamesjames1 said:
I've been working on tms for awhile now. Have intermittent success with distraction, mindfulness, exercise, etc.

Today I went to pelvic floor physical therapy.

I was hoping they would either say every thing is structural (and I'd walk away knowing that's not true) or they would say "your muscles are fine, we know what tms is and that's what you got. No reason to come back"

Instead she massaged various muscles down their and DAMN do they hurt. She says is stress related and learning to relax the area will help.

Now I fully believe tms is driving all of this, but I feel I can't ignore how painful the muscles were.

But here is where my understanding of tms really screws me up...

I start thinking is the pain from the muscles or my mind is afraid of the pain so it creates it?
Pain is way worse and I think dos I just agitate my mind and now I'm back to square on because I'm afraid over how much it hurts?
I start to think trying to do both will keep me stuck forever cause so many people say don't do the physical at all.

Then I feel like I have to change some aspect not my life to heal but can't figure that out. So it feels like I can't get out of this mess.
So I try real hard to feel feelings and stuff comes up but I can't tell if it's genuine emotions or if I'm just creating them from nothing too

Then I think of my.mind is creating this pain in general and specifically from this therapy then who knows what else it will do or.how much else it will do

So I feel like I have this wicked warlord in my head who can hurt me really bad whenever and however and the only way to get out is feel emotions which I may or may not have and I have to solve some maze I find myself in and....

I am just so confused I don't know which way is up. I'm suffering. I want to feel better and grow as a.person through all this. The one emotion I know is valid is how sad and scared I am.

Anytime I do anything to heal I hear a voice in my head from a book or podcast or forum or YouTube video.that contradict it in some way.

And then I'm frozen in doubt. Not confident moving forward but scared shitless to let go. Watching my otherwise great life go by as I suffer and my kitty kids growing up with me not fully enjoying.their childhood.

Anxiety and panic build in me while sadness guilt and depression take turns too.

Experts all have somewhat different methods. But everyone is human. Who knows what's right. Who knows what's right for me. Even the newest science will be replaced eventually.

Sigh. I know I have stressed induced pain. I am at wits end as to what stones to turn over anymore or methods to try.

The only thing I haven't tried is to fully do nothing at all, accept n move on. I have somehow not been able to master that practice (maybe I'm not strong enough).

Yet if I got into this mess before learning about any of this, then I'm returning to a state that was bad enough to give me symptoms on the first place. And now with the extta stress of having symptoms it would just make it worse???

Argh "there must have been a doorway when I came in"
Click to expand...

I have various types of groin pain over the years that comes and goes. Sometimes it can feel terrible to touch, because the pain is so intense. But every single time I've accepted as TMS, and just powered through my life. Went about lifting weights, running, working, etc. Usually these spells only last a week or two at the most now that I'm aware.

Personally the only time I went to a chiropractor for help was when I was ignorant to TMS and was desperate. And they hit my groin with electrical impulses and damn did it hurt the fired up nerves.

So yeah just hang in there and go about your life as if there is no pain at all. I know it's hard, our brains know our weaknesses. Even the best of us get down sometimes. I'm going through a bad spell of nerve pain right now, but we got this!!
 
jamejamesjames1 said:
Then I think of my.mind is creating this pain in general and specifically from this therapy then who knows what else it will do or.how much else it will do

The only thing I haven't tried is to fully do nothing at all, accept n move on. I have somehow not been able to master that practice (maybe I'm not strong enough).

Yet if I got into this mess before learning about any of this, then I'm returning to a state that was bad enough to give me symptoms on the first place. And now with the extta stress of having symptoms it would just make it worse???
Click to expand...

There it is. Acceptance. No resistance. That is the solution. Your mind creates conflict, which your post is dripping with. Internal conflict. This causes negativity and potentially TMS.


There’s nothing to try. It’s an understanding and awareness that mutes that pain. It makes the pain pointless. You are in an anxiety cycle. The pain is a result of your inner conflict or anxiety. It’s meant to distract you from even more painful emotion. Believe it or not, that is the real you underneath begging you to lighten up and let go of the things you cling to. If you can list a circumstance or material object as something cannot give up, you have made it a part of you. Your mind and body are going to react with the fear of real death when those things are threatened. It doesn’t know the difference

Look at everything in your life that isn’t how you think it should be. Now visualize the rest of your super long life (let’s say 105 yrs old) will stay exactly like this. If you can truly internalize acceptance to that your TMS pain will go away in the near future.
 
Tms_joe said:
There it is. Acceptance. No resistance. That is the solution. Your mind creates conflict, which your post is dripping with. Internal conflict. This causes negativity and potentially TMS.


There’s nothing to try. It’s an understanding and awareness that mutes that pain. It makes the pain pointless. You are in an anxiety cycle. The pain is a result of your inner conflict or anxiety. It’s meant to distract you from even more painful emotion. Believe it or not, that is the real you underneath begging you to lighten up and let go of the things you cling to. If you can list a circumstance or material object as something cannot give up, you have made it a part of you. Your mind and body are going to react with the fear of real death when those things are threatened. It doesn’t know the difference

Look at everything in your life that isn’t how you think it should be. Now visualize the rest of your super long life (let’s say 105 yrs old) will stay exactly like this. If you can truly internalize acceptance to that your TMS pain will go away in the near future.
Click to expand...

This!
 
Tms_joe said:
Look at everything in your life that isn’t how you think it should be. Now visualize the rest of your super long life (let’s say 105 yrs old) will stay exactly like this. If you can truly internalize acceptance to that your TMS pain will go away in the near future.
Click to expand...

Can you explain this? I don't understand ... Accept a shitty life and the pain will stop?
 
eskimoeskimo said:
Can you explain this? I don't understand ... Accept a shitty life and the pain will stop?
Click to expand...


Accept life. Non acceptance should indicate that you get to choose how this is going to go. You don’t. Pay attention to the internal reaction to that statement. Try and prove it false. Eventually you”ll have to admit it’s reality, and you’ve been fighting it. Reality will kick your ass EVERY time.
 
Tms_joe said:
Accept life. Non acceptance should indicate that you get to choose how this is going to go. You don’t. Pay attention to the internal reaction to that statement. Try and prove it false. Eventually you”ll have to admit it’s reality, and you’ve been fighting it. Reality will kick your ass EVERY time.
Click to expand...
This statement is a part of what I'm working on. For those who want a structured way to run with this idea, take a look at Byron Katie's book (or website) Loving What Is. Her "Work," as she calls it (a writing activity) has a satisfying way of showing you Reality's ass-kicking nature. There's much relief getting a felt sense of that, for the experience makes it much easier to let go of how you think things SHOULD be (this is our entitlement at work, which feeds our victim mentality, often unconscious).
 
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