I've been working on tms for awhile now. Have intermittent success with distraction, mindfulness, exercise, etc. Today I went to pelvic floor physical therapy. I was hoping they would either say every thing is structural (and I'd walk away knowing that's not true) or they would say "your muscles are fine, we know what tms is and that's what you got. No reason to come back" Instead she massaged various muscles down their and DAMN do they hurt. She says is stress related and learning to relax the area will help. Now I fully believe tms is driving all of this, but I feel I can't ignore how painful the muscles were. But here is where my understanding of tms really screws me up... I start thinking is the pain from the muscles or my mind is afraid of the pain so it creates it? Pain is way worse and I think dos I just agitate my mind and now I'm back to square on because I'm afraid over how much it hurts? I start to think trying to do both will keep me stuck forever cause so many people say don't do the physical at all. Then I feel like I have to change some aspect not my life to heal but can't figure that out. So it feels like I can't get out of this mess. So I try real hard to feel feelings and stuff comes up but I can't tell if it's genuine emotions or if I'm just creating them from nothing too Then I think of my.mind is creating this pain in general and specifically from this therapy then who knows what else it will do or.how much else it will do So I feel like I have this wicked warlord in my head who can hurt me really bad whenever and however and the only way to get out is feel emotions which I may or may not have and I have to solve some maze I find myself in and.... I am just so confused I don't know which way is up. I'm suffering. I want to feel better and grow as a.person through all this. The one emotion I know is valid is how sad and scared I am. Anytime I do anything to heal I hear a voice in my head from a book or podcast or forum or YouTube video.that contradict it in some way. And then I'm frozen in doubt. Not confident moving forward but scared shitless to let go. Watching my otherwise great life go by as I suffer and my kitty kids growing up with me not fully enjoying.their childhood. Anxiety and panic build in me while sadness guilt and depression take turns too. Experts all have somewhat different methods. But everyone is human. Who knows what's right. Who knows what's right for me. Even the newest science will be replaced eventually. Sigh. I know I have stressed induced pain. I am at wits end as to what stones to turn over anymore or methods to try. The only thing I haven't tried is to fully do nothing at all, accept n move on. I have somehow not been able to master that practice (maybe I'm not strong enough). Yet if I got into this mess before learning about any of this, then I'm returning to a state that was bad enough to give me symptoms on the first place. And now with the extta stress of having symptoms it would just make it worse??? Argh "there must have been a doorway when I came in"