Day 30 TMS and relationships

[Gigi]

Today's question to ponder had to do with relationships, and how TMS has affected them. My relationship with my husband is the most important in my life, and that relationship has been seriously affected by my latest 2 year bout with plantar fasciitis/rotator cuff impingement/migraines. I've not only spent thousands of dollars trying to find something that will help, I was also briefly in a wheelchair, and frequently depressed when nothing seemed to help. (I did manage to retain my job by sheer force of will.)
But sad as I am about what the past 2 years included, I'm full of hope about the future. My husband is rejoicing with me over having found this program and something that works for longer than 2 weeks! I commit to living as healthfully as possible, and I'm thrilled at resuming my long walks, swimming, and other activities that I thought I had given up for good.
I've just returned from a professional conference at which I walked concrete floors for 2 solid days--AND toted a few hundred pounds of books. My feet were tired, but I'm fine--and no shoulder flareups or migraines. YES!

 

[Stella]

Gigi,
The journaling is so critical on past the end of this program. I stopped when I was feeling so good then slipped significantly. Journaling about all 3 conponents not just current stresses. I lost awareness of my thoughts.

I have spent thousands trying to find help....such guilt....another TMS trait.

Congratulations on a successful trip.

 

[Gigi]

Funny you should mention that; I don't feel that I journal well at all! The spider-writing was sort of disastrous. I do write each day, even if it's just to document what's going on. Today I had a headache, so I "punished" my subconscious--one of Fred Amir's suggestions--and had to wash the car. It wasn't a full blown migraine, just a tension headache I couldn't shake. Sigh. Just shows me I have a long way to go.

 

[Leslie]

Hi Gigi
I struggled with the spider-write journaling also. I found the thoughts were coming far faster than the pen could keep up. I modified it a bit 2 different ways and really found it beneficial. The first way I modified it was to write the main subject and the first 4 thoughts about that subject on the page, then put down the pen and turn on the recorder. When the time was up I went back and replayed it, writing down all the recorded thoughts where they belonged on the page...talk about a surprising picture. Another way I've modified it, which can be incredibly beneficial if you have someone you can trust to help you, is altering it to be more like "word association". While visiting my sister a while back we did it for each other. Before we started we talked about it, and we had a very clear understanding that wherever the words went we would both be ok with it because we were doing it to heal. It was really helpful because my sister didn't let me off the hook like I have a tendency to allow myself when I do it alone and a thought comes up that I don't want to/can't pursue - those were the ones she hammered on - just kept going back to them randomly to see where my mind would go. That was an eye-opening day for me, and also for her. When we got finished she was looking at the page and then back at me with a look on her face I don't think I've ever seen before. I asked her what was wrong and she said she had absolutely no idea I felt like the page and that I was an incredible actress. That day was a huge step for me. I actually let a family member see some of the inner workings of my mind which was a good step towards working on my trust and vulnerability issues.

I also find the "punishment" idea very useful. My punishment is always dusting with a rag, which I hate - much prefer the swiffer! There have been days when I have carried the dust rag around with me and every time I've felt so much as a twinge I've looked at and said "really, is that what you want? keep it up and you'll be dusting the whole house before you know it" Very effective, but don't forget the reward side - the kindness and compassion toward yourself go even further in preventing the occurrences of punishment. Those of us that deal with TMS are usually already incredibly good at punishing ourselves - most of us have been doing it our entire lives and our sub-conscious' already know that and expect it. It's the rewards that we're usually very stingy with, so when those happen they really get the sub-conscious attention.

Baby steps! Reward yourself for the tension headache!! It wasn't a migraine and that is definitely worth celebrating!

 

[Gigi]

Hi Gigi
I struggled with the spider-write journaling also. I found the thoughts were coming far faster than the pen could keep up. I modified it a bit 2 different ways and really found it beneficial. The first way I modified it was to write the main subject and the first 4 thoughts about that subject on the page, then put down the pen and turn on the recorder. When the time was up I went back and replayed it, writing down all the recorded thoughts where they belonged on the page...talk about a surprising picture. Another way I've modified it, which can be incredibly beneficial if you have someone you can trust to help you, is altering it to be more like "word association". While visiting my sister a while back we did it for each other. Before we started we talked about it, and we had a very clear understanding that wherever the words went we would both be ok with it because we were doing it to heal. It was really helpful because my sister didn't let me off the hook like I have a tendency to allow myself when I do it alone and a thought comes up that I don't want to/can't pursue - those were the ones she hammered on - just kept going back to them randomly to see where my mind would go. That was an eye-opening day for me, and also for her. When we got finished she was looking at the page and then back at me with a look on her face I don't think I've ever seen before. I asked her what was wrong and she said she had absolutely no idea I felt like the page and that I was an incredible actress. That day was a huge step for me. I actually let a family member see some of the inner workings of my mind which was a good step towards working on my trust and vulnerability issues.

I also find the "punishment" idea very useful. My punishment is always dusting with a rag, which I hate - much prefer the swiffer! There have been days when I have carried the dust rag around with me and every time I've felt so much as a twinge I've looked at and said "really, is that what you want? keep it up and you'll be dusting the whole house before you know it" Very effective, but don't forget the reward side - the kindness and compassion toward yourself go even further in preventing the occurrences of punishment. Those of us that deal with TMS are usually already incredibly good at punishing ourselves - most of us have been doing it our entire lives and our sub-conscious' already know that and expect it. It's the rewards that we're usually very stingy with, so when those happen they really get the sub-conscious attention.

Baby steps! Reward yourself for the tension headache!! It wasn't a migraine and that is definitely worth celebrating!

Thanks so much for the suggestions, Leslie! I may try that for the spider writing.
I laughed at the thought of you walking around with the duster as a deterrent! I've actually been rewarding myself pretty steadily for my progress with the headaches. This was the first time I'd used the punishment, and it seemed to work. I had been threatening my SC with washing the car for almost 2 weeks before I had to do it! I suppose my next threat will be ironing. I've always hated that chore!