TMS and personal relationships

[Forest]

The following are posts in a thread from our old forum (I'm trying to bring more and more of this old posts over here because they are filled with gems). We don't go through this treatment in a vaccum. As we recover we continue to have to interact with our family, friends, and coworkers. It is impossible that these interactions won't, in some way, be affected by our recovery. The following was a question I posed on the old forum with responses from other forum members. By all means feel free to post your own response about how your relationships have changed because of TMS and how you can balance TMS and these relationships.

Like everything else they are going to change. Some will end, some will get better. It all depends, another tough question.

I believe the TMS journey is a solitary journey. If you are successful your relationships should get better maybe. Depends on who and what your relationships were like before.

I think that some people aren't going to understand and those are the relationships where we need to just shake the dust of our feet, and move on with recovery. One may want to focus on their recovery, before telling others.

This will differ for everyone. Some spouses will prefer the TMS-ridden you, b/c you were dependable the old way. Some spouses/friends will not like you as you change b/c you are evolving and making yourself a different person by dealing with the issues that cause pain in the first place. You may lose some friends, but others may shine through for you, so it's worth the journey.

Part of the TMS recovery is becoming more selfish,saying no when we mean no etc. I guess that might be hard on partners for a while?

My marriage is kinda based on my hubby being a bit flkey and forgetful...I work full time, I drive, I sort the bills etc...not that he doesn't contribute things that I couldn't but still....I guess part of my TMS is about resenting that. When I was in a lot of pain he became much more decisive...even started driving more.....now I'm not in so much pain things have gone back to usual....I think my TMS pain was good for him ;-) m x

 

[Bodhigirl]

Gosh it's been quiet on this page.
Am in the midst of Alan's new program and finding myself very very insecure at times. Raw. Protective of my balance. Controlling. This generates tension. Shame. I should be better after working on this all these years.
My husband knows about somatization. Knew I was full of anxiety and somatic fears from early in our relationship. My recovery is something he doesn't fully understand or believe in but he's supportive.
He can trigger anxiety (transference) (daddy complex) faster than anyone, more powerfully than anyone. That's part of intimacy, and my job is to integrate my experiences without creating symptoms by shoving down feelings. He doesn't need to hear everything I feel. I need to hear me!

This week I am venturing into eating another of the forbidden foods that patients treated for interstitial cystitis were recommended 25 years ago. I have had a tomato, or red sauce on pizza, pasta, nada... for 25 years. This past year I tried lemons and tangerines - no symptoms!
My husband thinks it's sad and funny that I fear these foods when the acid in my stomach is far more acidic than these foods. I have a deep resentment toward my urologist... toward the entire non-TMS medical establishment for the way they have treated so many illnesses and... still do.
I also know they cannot know everything. Granted.
Still, I underwent such traumatic treatment in the name of good medical practices. Just getting this anger out here.

I will eat a tomato this week! My husband and I will likely share more foods as the result of this.

There are upsides to being married. Many. I grow and develop in conflict, in honesty, in attempting to co,,unilaterally without being too selfish or too caregiving. Seeking middle ground.

Would love to see this page generate noise again. Surely I'm not the only married person in here? (-:

 

[Marla]

I realized yesterday I was holding in anger to keep the peace when my husband talks and stuffing that in was bringing out tms again.

My husband likes Howard Stern and listens to his show, definitely not one of the things we have in common. Something he did while he commuted for years before he retired and now listens at home.

So I had no idea for many years he was his fan. Not my cup of tea but when I found out Howard went to Sarno I told my husband who used to want me to jump to doctor for everything. Now he is more open.